Jealousy in a monogamous relationship

Lickable Lollie Lickable Lollie
I have been having bouts of jealousy lately. I have no reason not to trust my boyfriend, he has been completely faithful. The problem for me is this girl that keeps talking to him. I have to figure out a way to keep myself from caring so much. This girl, though, she is relentless. She actually told him that she was talking to him just to tick me off. He doesn't talk to her much...just responds on occasion. He knows it bothers me so he avoids it as much as possible. Any advice on getting rid of these feelings?
04/19/2012
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Annemarie Annemarie
I had a recent issue with my significant other. My advice? Fuggetaboutit. Seriously, just move on. She's not worth your time or worry, and you're only making it worse when you get ticked off. She'll get bored eventually.
04/19/2012
gsfanatic gsfanatic
Sometimes people do that just to try and mess with you. If you ignore them, they'll go away. As long as your boyfriend and you just treat them like a pest, boredom will be their only reward.
04/20/2012
Geogeo Geogeo
Even though it's hard to get over it even if you know it's silly, you're playing right in her hand by getting bothered. So the best way to say eff you to her, is to not be bothered and make her feel like an idiot.
04/20/2012
spineyogurt spineyogurt
Dont let it bug you
04/20/2012
Raigne Raigne
The girl would make me nervous because she clearly has some issues, but other than that, I would just try not to let it bother you. There isn't really very much you can do to just shut that emotion off, but often if logically you know you shouldn't be upset, it's an inappropriate reaction that is triggering because your subconscious perceives it to be similar to an old situation. Find out what that situation was and you can work on reprogramming the reaction.
04/20/2012
kendra30752 kendra30752
Quote:
Originally posted by Lickable Lollie
I have been having bouts of jealousy lately. I have no reason not to trust my boyfriend, he has been completely faithful. The problem for me is this girl that keeps talking to him. I have to figure out a way to keep myself from caring so much. This ... More
I think it's somewhat normal to have "spells." There are days (mostly that time of the month) when I feel crazy, everything feels different and bad. It feels like the whole world is out to get me! LOL. Sometimes, during those days, I'll feel that he's not attracted to me because at that time, I'm not attracted to me. I just get all crazy. I have a lot of "female problems." That's where a lot of the wild behavior comes from. Anyways, if it's just a spell where you're not feeling like yourself and these things come up, talk about it. You should always be able to do that. Once my partner reassures me that he does love me and I'm not crazy, (lol) those thoughts quickly diminish. However, in your situation, it seems different since there's an actual reason you're feeling this way, not irrationality like mine.

Here's how we eliminate any excess problems. I mean, when you're in a mono relationship, it's not neccessary to have too much of the opposite sex. It can't help your relationship, but it can harm it. It might NOT harm, but it can't do good. We eliminate the opposite sex from our private lives. Early when we began seeing each other, nearly 6 years ago, we both felt the same. No need for private friendships of the opposite sex. We have friends, but we keep it... public? I mean our guy friends are OURS not mine, not his, but ours. As for him, he has no use or care for my female friends and we'd never, ever spend time alone with the opposite sex. When things like this arise, we eliminate that person totally from our lives. Clearly this girl has BAD intentions and if he cares about you, he'll tell her to kick rocks.

We had a mini situation last week. There's a girl who never really liked me (why, I do not know!) but we've been around each other a lot. I went to school with her and she started dating a friend (male) of ours. My partner owns property that people rent and she just moved in a house and texted him. He texted her bck several times answering her question about the utilities. She KEPT texting, wanting conversation and began saying "honey." OK, sure people say honey all the time, no biggie. But to make a special effort to TEXT honey, she was up to no good. He told her not to text him anymore, but to take her questions to the guy who works on the utilities. After that she hasn't texted back, but my problem is that us ladies shold be sticking together, not trying to destroy one another!

Thing is, girls see a couple and when the couple looks happy, she wants to see just how much power she has, if she can ruin it. Shitty. Sounds like that's the girl's problem. The only thing he should do at this point is to tell her to F off, he has no interest. If not, she WILL try taking it further. Mean girls do that. If she had somethign negative to say about you (only texting to piss you off) then he should've told her F off the minute he found out about that. You're supposed to have your partner's back. If she cannot respect you, then he should have no use for her. He should not even respond to her. He knows it bothers you? All the more reason to get rid of her! I wouldn't stick around for that mistreatment. I mean, if he cares about you and has no use for her, why even respond at all? Why not say "I'm in a rel. and have no interest in you as a friend, especially if you cannot respect my partner and respect that I am in a relationship."

Hon, I'm afraid it isn't the "feelings" you need to get rid of here.

If it is bugging you, there's a reason. Women have intuition so strongly! Also, if one partner is ever uncomfortable about something in the slightest, it's best to stop the problem. This is just how we choose to live/handle things. Maybe it's not the best for your relationship, but this is the advice I have to offer.

Hugs to you. I hope she goes away and things all get better. I know the way you feel is not fun.
04/20/2012
Lickable Lollie Lickable Lollie
Thanks for the advice. I sat down and talked with him today. It seems like whenever I get upset, he doesn't even care, so I asked him about it and he said he notices but I never tell him what I need. So I let him know that I need him to ask me when I'm upset, and that I need him to understand that I don't appreciate the disrespect I get from HER and that it bugs me that they still talk. He has a way with words...because I'm now realizing that I don't know if I got anywhere. I think he just let me rant and said "it's ok." I'm gonna try that again later...
04/20/2012
Raigne Raigne
Men don't respond to information the way women do all the time, and they often look like they aren't listening when they are. You may be right, but if he did pay attention and is planning to make the effort, he'll see it as nagging. I would give him a chance to address the issue on his own before you attempt to reinforce it.
04/21/2012
pitona pitona
shouldnt let it get to you
04/22/2012
nova2014 nova2014
I have that problem too, you've just got to focus on the fact that nothing is happening, especially if he doesn't have a history of doing anything and assures you he cares for you and not her
12/10/2012
imperialyellowdragon imperialyellowdragon
Quote:
Originally posted by Lickable Lollie
I have been having bouts of jealousy lately. I have no reason not to trust my boyfriend, he has been completely faithful. The problem for me is this girl that keeps talking to him. I have to figure out a way to keep myself from caring so much. This ... More
relax. your wonderful boyfriend has noticed this and is staying away from her. he really cares about you. you should tell this other lady in a VERY NICE WAY that she needs to find someone els. wish you the best
12/28/2013
Total posts: 12
Unique posters: 10