Long-distance Relationships That Lack Trust

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Long-distance Relationships That Lack Trust

Sir Sir
What are your suggestions for long-distance relationships where one or more of the people involved cannot trust their partner? What are some ways to fix the lack of trust? How does a person deal with such a lack of trust in a long-distance relationship?
12/13/2009
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El-Jaro El-Jaro
You can't. If you can't trust the person, you can't be in a relationship with them.

Sorry, but it's pretty simple.
12/13/2009
Miss Jane Miss Jane
Quote:
Originally posted by Sir
What are your suggestions for long-distance relationships where one or more of the people involved cannot trust their partner? What are some ways to fix the lack of trust? How does a person deal with such a lack of trust in a long-distance ...
Oh, boy. Trust is a cornerstone of any relationship, and it's gotta be doubletime for a long distance one. I'm in a LDR, and if I couldn't trust my partner there's no way I could continue with the relationship.

I think it would depend on why the trust has been hurt - ie: if one person has been hurt in the past and is just a little gunshy/worried or if there has been a breakage of trust in the relationship, like a lie or infidelity.

I think that pure, uncensored honesty - however painful it might be in some cases - is the only way to win that trust or to win it back. And also in long distance relationships, to keep the communication flowing and keep the partner in the loop at all times.
12/13/2009
Miss Cinnamon Miss Cinnamon
I usually try not to answer questions with questions, but how do you feel that trust in a long distance relationship is different from trust in a see-you-every-day relationship? Other than not being able to monitor your significant other as closely in person, I feel that trust in any relationship is essentially the same.

If trust is lacking, it must be built. Both parties must contribute. The "untrusting" partner needs to address why he or she feels that the other partner is "untrustworthy". The "untrustworthy" partner must reevaluate the behaviors that the "untrusting" partner claims are tarnishing the trust in the relationship. If there is mutual distrust, then each partner needs to do both: address their feelings of mistrust and also reevaluate their behavior that adds fuel to the fire.
12/13/2009
Sir Sir
Quote:
Originally posted by Miss Cinnamon
I usually try not to answer questions with questions, but how do you feel that trust in a long distance relationship is different from trust in a see-you-every-day relationship? Other than not being able to monitor your significant other as closely ...
That is exactly why I feel that it's different. Because once the trust is broken in a long-distance relationship, it cannot be restored as a non-long-distance relationship would be. I do agree, trust is the same regardless, but restoring trust to a relationship that lacks it is much different in a long-distance relationship because neither person really ever knows what's going on.

I agree with what you said. Trust does need to be built and dealt with in such a way.

Miss Jane: Let's go with broken trust for this situation. The person cheated on their partner, lied about cheating, then told their partner that they would stop the behavior. Figure that they repeated the behavior yet again, though, and continued to lie. What would your answer be for that?

Sometimes, honesty hurts a lot more than lies, but it is necessary, like you said, to restore faith. Communication is key, always, no matter the relationship.
12/13/2009
Miss Jane Miss Jane
Quote:
Originally posted by Sir
That is exactly why I feel that it's different. Because once the trust is broken in a long-distance relationship, it cannot be restored as a non-long-distance relationship would be. I do agree, trust is the same regardless, but restoring trust ...
Cheating once is bad in itself - lying about it, doing it again, and continuing the lies is.. well, there's no trust there. One person is blatantly disrespecting the relationship and the partner. Being able to forgive is an important part of any relationship, because people make mistakes. But being constantly mistreated/used is different. "Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice shame on me," is running through my head.
12/13/2009
Sir Sir
Quote:
Originally posted by Miss Jane
Cheating once is bad in itself - lying about it, doing it again, and continuing the lies is.. well, there's no trust there. One person is blatantly disrespecting the relationship and the partner. Being able to forgive is an important part of any ...
Same thing running through my head every day. HAHA! Thank you very much, I definitely agree.
12/13/2009
LikeSunshineDust LikeSunshineDust
I pretty much agree with what everyone else has said. If your trust has been betrayed multiple times, then your partner does not deserve to be trusted again.
12/13/2009
Envy Envy
Okay, being in this situation myself I'll give my two cents...

Like any relationship of any kind, trust and communication are key. How my bf and I make it work is we keep in constant contact. If he has to go somewhere, he texts me where he's going and when he will most likely be back. Something happens on my end I tell him as well. We even share our dreams we have, and though I've had some dreams involving other people, not once was he ever mad for it, saying "it was just a dream, but in the here and now it's us." I think things like that build trust.

I admit in the beginning I was real skepticle and insecure, sometimes I can be still, depending. But he has yet to do anything to break my trust and I told him, he ever wanted to stray, just have the decency to tell me first. He doesn't want to stray though, and despite the many home issues I have that seem to keep us apart, he still wants to be with me.

Maybe I'm just lucky, I don't know.

But if someone breaks your trust, why keep giving them chances? A guy I tried to see before my boyfriend of now did just that. Lies out the wazoo, then I found profiles of him online talking with various girls I didn't know, some saying they loved him and other things in a gf/bf nature. I dumped him and not once did he contact me after I stopped contact altogether, and he easily could have. So well all know what he was about. *cough*dog*cough*

And Miss Jane: I tend to have this saying:

"Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me a third time, I'm kicking your ass."
12/13/2009
GravyCakes GravyCakes
Quote:
Originally posted by Sir
What are your suggestions for long-distance relationships where one or more of the people involved cannot trust their partner? What are some ways to fix the lack of trust? How does a person deal with such a lack of trust in a long-distance ...
u should probably both sit down & talk about y who doesn't trust whom. don't argue or point out that what the other person thinks is stupid b/c that's just going to get feelings hurt & start a fight. just listen, ask questions, make sure you understand y this person doesn't trust u or make sure they understand y u feel this way, & then try to reassure that person somehow. that's how i would do it. communication is a big thing for me when i'm in a relationship. if i can't communicate w/ a person, it's not going to work. just remember not to make fun of the person for thinking that way. u can laugh & cut up, just make sure that, overall, u take each other seriously if & when u have this conversation.
05/05/2011
underHim underHim
I am sorry you went through this. Hopefully you have someone better now. My Master had been cheated on in the past and He has never been the same. He has some major trust issues. This is part of the reason I give Him such complete control over me, it makes Him feel more secure and trusting. We have been together for many years, married almost five but He still worries. I am surprised he allows me such free reign on the Internet, especially a sex site.
03/22/2012
Total posts: 11
Unique posters: 8