Love or Lust?

Contributor: P'Gell P'Gell
Quote:
Originally posted by PassionQT
I'm not saying you can't have both in a relationship, but from my experience, the longer we have been together (15+ years), there's less lust, but it's love that keeps us together. There are certainly moments of lust here and there, ... more
I should have rechecked this sooner. Sorry. I did want to address this.

I totally agree that the lust probably won't last too long without the love, but I have to disagree again, quite respectfully, because we all have different experiences, that Lust can't last. It does for many people. Like I said before, there are ebbs and flows. But, My Man and I have been together and having sex for well over 20 years, and the Lust is as strong, if not stronger, than ever before.

Yes, we had times of lesser Lust. Either due to not seeing eye to eye (this happens in long term relationships. Sometimes you go through periods where you really don't like the other person very much) or due to Life getting in the way, like having kids etc.

We are pretty good about not letting "work" get in the way of our Love or our Lust. (I know too many couples who let their work, need to "succeed" and desire to make money and acquire "stuff" destroy their Intimacy.) I can be a Woman Possessed, if I am working on writing something, or dealing with a challenging client, and he can be this way at his job, or his projects around the house. But, at the end of the day, or at least by the next morning, I pull myself away from my computer, my notebooks and my phone, he comes down off the roof (he's been fixing up, renovating and painting our outbuildings the last month or two) and out of the workshop puts down the tools, and we reconnect. We have found that physical contact, Sex, and conversation the best ways to stay in touch. Almost always in that order.

When we got married, the minister told us "The intense physical passion will fade and you will find something deeper over time." He was half right. The passion only fades occasionally, only to come back stronger than ever, but we find something deeper in our relationship as time goes on. But, at least in our case (and I'm not saying this is true for everyone) the Lust is a dynamic Constant. Just as the Love is. If that makes sense.

So, I can't choose. I want both.

Good thread, kck!
10/04/2010
Contributor: Madeira Madeira
I refuse to pick, I want boiling hot lust, and awesome love with mutual respect, trust, appreciation, and delight in one another's company.
10/09/2010
Contributor: Trashley Trashley
I get too bored and too tired of normal people. so I'm lust all the way!
10/15/2010
Contributor: Shellz31 Shellz31
I like both but love lasts alot longer
10/15/2010
Contributor: Mr. E Mr. E
Love or lust? For me they are inseparable.
20+ years and I am more in love and lust with my wife than ever.
10/26/2010
Contributor: BBW Talks Toys BBW Talks Toys
In any long relationship you'll have times when the lust is low, and times when the lust is high. If you have love for each other (not just in love, but simply love each other) and are willing to work through the tough times (as if you really meant it when you said "for better or worse"), the lust can be worked on.

Hell, there are times you don't even like each other, but if you are willing to work it through, it can be fixed. You just have to be willing
10/26/2010
Contributor: Danielle1220 Danielle1220
Definitely both, more love but a little lust in there too
10/26/2010
Contributor: lamira lamira
A combination is ideal, but if I had to choose, love over lust.
10/31/2010
Contributor: Maiki Maiki
I am %100 with Persephone's Addiction "good relationship needs both" I think..LOVE is for trust honesty and friendship - LUST will give the passion and the spark ...
11/25/2010
Contributor: KnK KnK
Love is more important. I want someone who'll be there for the long haul
11/26/2010
Contributor: LavenderSkies LavenderSkies
A relationship fueled more by love than lust.
11/26/2010
Contributor: UnknownGirl UnknownGirl
You have to have both in equal parts.
11/28/2010
Contributor: alabamajames2010 alabamajames2010
Quote:
Originally posted by Chilipepper
"'Love' is just 'lust' misspelled." - Harlan Ellison :-/

EDIT: Okay, I AM a romantic. After spending a hellish 'love-match' marriage where there wasn't any lust at all, I'm still a bit cynical that ... more
Oh, it does exist!??! You will just have to find the one that feels the same way you do. Personally, I would love to find someone that felt just as much lust as love towards me and someone I could feel just as much lust as love for, as well. But, it isn't a requirement for me. There are some of us men left out here, but if we don't find the right partner that knows how to deal with it, they act like we are just hormonal or addicted to sex. I believe that there should be a healthy balance of love and lust in a relationship. It can make it really nice for both partners and keep your love going.
11/29/2010
Contributor: C4ss C4ss
Quote:
Originally posted by PassionQT
Lust is that emotional high, love is what remains after the majority of the lust is gone. That's my mantra concerning all this
I agree completely.
12/17/2010
Contributor: Curious2 Curious2
Quote:
Originally posted by kck
As kids, we're fed story tales with instantaneous love, romance, and Happily Ever Afters (whatever those are, eh?). And as adults... well, obviously growing up we learn that this isn't necessarily how things are. Sure, there are real-life ... more
love sometimes can get boring.. personally id rather have lust with someone i care about.. its easier &wayy funner =]
12/29/2010
Contributor: Curious2 Curious2
Quote:
Originally posted by Maiki
I am %100 with Persephone's Addiction "good relationship needs both" I think..LOVE is for trust honesty and friendship - LUST will give the passion and the spark ...
i completely agree
12/29/2010
Contributor: Curious2 Curious2
Quote:
Originally posted by Trashley
I get too bored and too tired of normal people. so I'm lust all the way!
totally agreee
12/29/2010
Contributor: bunnyrydr bunnyrydr
Quote:
Originally posted by kck
All true. I, too, personally believe that love is what will outlive lust.
ditto
12/30/2010
Contributor: P'Gell P'Gell
Quote:
Originally posted by bunnyrydr
ditto
prefaced by an other quote: I, too, personally believe that love is what will outlive lust.

I have to, once more, respectfully disagree. If you look at long term couples (on this board I'm thinking of Airen and her men, NuMe and her man, Gunsmoke and his woman, DWTim and his woman, Gary and Victoria, Carrie Ann and her man, Alicia and her man and My Man and I, as well as others I may have missed (sorry if I missed you)) we all have found ways to make the lust last. Not just for months, or years, but some of us for DECADES!!!!

It is possible. The couple has to work on it, and realize that sometimes the lust will wane (only, if it works out and you both work hard enough, to come back more strong) and the love will grow.

My Man and I have said we will be fucking our brains out in our old age, until one of us breaks a hip, then we will find a way to KEEP doing it.

The lust can last as long as the love. Many satisfied long term relationships attest to this.

12/30/2010
Contributor: kittychilla kittychilla
a mixture of both is good. but as most people said, more love. i'm all good for cuddling/snuggling with my lover and telling them that i love them and that they mean the world to me. <3
01/12/2011
Contributor: The Giveaway Diva The Giveaway Diva
a little lust is good but at the end of the day i'd rather have the love than the lust. And I think that if you have the love it's easier to have the lust but if you have the lust it's a bit harder to have the love. if you know what i mean
01/17/2011
Contributor: indiglo indiglo
Quote:
Originally posted by Airen Wolf
I prefer a bit of lust and a whole lotta love.
Totally agree. Love will just fuel the lust. You can't have sex 24/7, but that doesn't necessarily mean the lust is gone. In fact, I would even say that you can't really love someone as a partner and not lust after them.
01/24/2011
Contributor: BadassFatass BadassFatass
I like a mixture of both.
02/27/2011
Contributor: M121212 M121212
Wow, that is a really hard question to answer.
03/07/2011
Contributor: Mr.RightNow Mr.RightNow
both
03/08/2011
Contributor: sexyintexas sexyintexas
Quote:
Originally posted by kck
As kids, we're fed story tales with instantaneous love, romance, and Happily Ever Afters (whatever those are, eh?). And as adults... well, obviously growing up we learn that this isn't necessarily how things are. Sure, there are real-life ... more
I want love, but I still want the WOW factor in the bedroom
03/10/2011
Contributor: sassyNsensual sassyNsensual
This is hard to choose between.....lusty, up-against-the-wall-se x is the best. I'd rather hear someone say "I wanna fuck your brains out" than "I love you with all of my heart." Then again, I'm 20. I might change my mind in the future.
04/05/2011
Contributor: Cedarlooman Cedarlooman
Quote:
Originally posted by sassyNsensual
This is hard to choose between.....lusty, up-against-the-wall-se x is the best. I'd rather hear someone say "I wanna fuck your brains out" than "I love you with all of my heart." Then again, I'm 20. I might change my mind in the future.
What about saying "I love you with all my heart" while fucking your brains out during up-against-the-wall-se x?

Lust is great for short term or every once in a while partners, but for longevity love does fuel the lust. I have found that in times where body image or weight gain by one of the partners where you really don't necessarily see the person as sexy physically, that love can fuel the lust and still lead to some great lovemaking sessions.
04/06/2011
Contributor: tickle me pink tickle me pink
In an ideal relationship, for me at least, love is the most important thing. But I want some lust to keep things going sexually. They work with one another to make the relationship strong and exciting.
04/06/2011
Contributor: ac0313 ac0313
Based on my failed marriage of 24 years, I can honestly say love without lust either will not last or will be very difficult to keep going. Lust is required to give you a reason to continue working on the relationship. Love can do this for a short period or time or intermittently on a few different occassions (yes, I'm speaking from personal experience), but to keep the relationship fresh and alive, lust is needed. I voted more love than lust, but I think, now that I have a new new SO with whom the lust was first and powerful, the two need to be at very similar levels. At least for me this is true! Also, lust can be expressed by actions and words, but love must be expressed by both, especially in words. You must verbally tell that you love the other and not assume the other "just knows".
04/07/2011