reasonable time dating before marriage

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reasonable time dating before marriage

froggiemoma froggiemoma
just wondering what most peoples thoughts are on how long is a reasonable amount of time to date before the subject of marriage should be approached?
04/13/2011
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Jul!a Jul!a
It depends on what's right for that individual couple. If you feel it's the right time to bring it up in your relationship but you're not sure your partner feels the same, you should bring it up carefully. Don't force them into having a conversation they don't want to have, but do let them know that you're ready to talk about it whenever they are.
04/13/2011
P'Gell P'Gell
It depends on the couple, their age, their experience etc.

My Man and I were dating for 6 or 7 years before we got married, but I was only 16 when I started seeing him.

I once knew and dated a Psychology professor (My Man and I had an open relationship for a number of years) and in one of his classes, he presented evidence that it takes a minimum of two years to get to know someone well. He said he would never marry again unless he know someone at least this long, as he had been divorced after a short courtship to his first wife. You have to see them in good time, see them grieve, see them with money, see them broke, know how they handle stress, job changes etc. It isn't written in stone, but I think it's at least a guide that is a good way to look at it.
04/13/2011
ToyTimeTim ToyTimeTim
If your religion/belief's allow, live with them for a year or two. For the most part I never understood the rush to get married. 90% of the friends I have known got married within the first year an they only lasted a year or two. Things change when you live with each other, so by making sure you can live together you will give the marriage a better chance.

The wife and I lived together for 10 years before we though about marriage. Any honestly, we only got hitched for the kids. If they hadn't come along we probably would not have got married.
04/13/2011
Solar Ray Solar Ray
I'd agree... it completely depends on the people involved... weeks, months or even years and it all depends on what the two individuals want in their lives.
04/13/2011
zeebot zeebot
Totally dependent on the people. I've never been in that situation so I don't really have any useful advice, sorry.
04/13/2011
liilii080 liilii080
I think it's reasonable at a year to have a serious conversation about how you both feel about marriage. Not necessarily with each other but how you see it working, what roles each partner plays, kid raising, expectations, etc. just to see if you are on the same page about things. If at that point, you and your partner are in a place where it feels natural to talk about marriage between the two of you, then go for it. If not, wait until the time feels right for you.

I think in my personal experience (speaking for no one else here), it feels like you are expected to be on someone else's time table. If you've been seeing each other for X amount of time other people start questioning and asking what's wrong or when the ring is coming, blah blah. It gets difficult to hear what the rhythm of your own relationship is telling you. It's hard to shut out the backseat drivers but only you and the one you're with can make the decision and don't hesitate to tell others that they will be the first (second, third, whatever) to know when you make a decision but until then, butt out!
04/13/2011
Annemarie Annemarie
I knew I was going to be marrying my significant other after only a couple of weeks... but we're not there yet (we just had our one year anniversary). Our plan is to get married after about two years, hopefully before I get pregnant.
04/13/2011
PiratePrincess PiratePrincess
Some people can get married soon and early and last forever. Others need time. Although its always better if you know the person really well, however long that takes. Rushed marriages without knowing each other first well don't turn out as nicely.
04/13/2011
*HisMrs* *HisMrs*
I think it just depends on the couple. My parents met and 5 months later they got married. The 5 months included meeting, courtship, engagement & wedding. My mom was 17, dad was 19 and they are still married today. They've been married for almost 40 years now. My grandparents met and 11 months later married. Grandma was 16 when she got married my grandpa (he was 18). They have both passed but were married for 52 years before my grandma passed. No, pregnancy wasn't involved! My hubby and I married 2 years after we met and we are still married after 3 years of wedded bliss. I know I couldn't be any happier than what I am now.
04/13/2011
married with children married with children
I would hope long enough to make sure you both know each other pretty well.
04/14/2011
Total posts: 11
Unique posters: 11