Should you settle for a guy who's just okay?

sweetpea12 sweetpea12
Do you think it's important to lower your expectations of men and just settle for something okay?? Or should I keep my expectations?
06/06/2012
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nanamondoute nanamondoute
I think it depends on what you're looking for. For me, I will settle if the guy is not the hottest (but is passable to me). However, he must have ambition and consideration...and basically keep me interested. But, to me, that's not settling.

Don't go for a guy who is just beneath you. It won't make you happy and will eventually not make him happy.
06/07/2012
indiglo indiglo
This isn't going to be a totally helpful answer I imagine... but it really depends on what your expectations are. If you're waiting for that perfect white knight to sweep you off your feet... then I'd say getting more realistic expectations will be kind of important.

Also, are your expectations things like a certain height, hair color, eye color, etc? Then I would say that perhaps widening the dating pool might give you more (and better) options, so I wouldn't really call that lowering your expectations either.

Now if you're talking about deciding to date someone with a drug problem, rather than someone who is healthy... that's definitely a lowering of expectations that could lead to problems.

I guess that's kind of a hard question to answer! lol


PS - This just made me remember something I heard Dan Savage say one time - Better to date the honest foot fetishist than the dishonest necrophiliac. lol
06/07/2012
Chilipepper Chilipepper
I'm never settling for anything again - that marriage was hell.
06/07/2012
P'Gell P'Gell
There is no such thing as a perfect man. Neither is there a perfect woman.

One has to take a partner with some faults, but they need to be faults you can live with.

Love conquers a lot, but not all.

I never expected Prince Charming. I did expect a man who loves me, who treats me well, who talks to me, who fucks me well, who cares about much (but not all) of what I care about, who wanted children, who wasn't a religious nut, but not an atheist either, OK and nice looking, but he didn't have to be George Clooney or Johnny Depp hot, obviously. (I'm not Angelina Jolie, so....) Clean, fairly polite, good sense of humor. I always wanted a Bad Boy, but not a felon.

OK, I just described my husband. What didn't I get? A guy who would go shopping with me. A man who likes the same kind of vacations that I like. I didn't get a man who was into literature, or is as academic as I am but he does love music and science. He isn't perfect, but neither am I.

You have to settle in some areas, but not in the ones that are most important to you.

My not knowing what you are looking for or what you have makes this impossible to do.

It's complicated. If it doesn't feel right, if your red flags are raised, if you keep thinking "If only I could change him" or "He'll change when..." then it won't work. If you LOVE the way he is, that IS the way he is. Change is rare.
06/07/2012
Gracie Gracie
Quote:
Originally posted by sweetpea12
Do you think it's important to lower your expectations of men and just settle for something okay?? Or should I keep my expectations?
Hell no! Never settle! In relationships compromise is essential, but when I hear the word settle it makes me think of that little voice inside us whispering something is not right with this guy. If thats the case you need to honor it, but every relationship is going to have some conflict and Prince Charming doesn't really exist. The trick is to decide are you compromising and should work on the relationship, or settling and should walk away.
06/07/2012
Jaimes Jaimes
As others have said, it really depends on your expectations.

Are you looking for a guy with money, looks, humor, intelligence, charm, and a 12 inch cheesewheel-like penis? Yes, I'd recommend lowering your expectations.

Are you looking for a guy that treats you nicely, listens when you talk, supports himself as best he can, and cares about others? I think your expectations are dead on.

Are you wondering if a guy that talks down to you, hurts you, leeches money from you, and seems to have no concern for anyone but himself is good enough? No, not by a long shot.

Settle for the guy that makes you happy with not only him, but yourself. Settle for the guy that makes you want to support all of his hopes and dreams, because he care about yours. Settle for the guy that tells stupid jokes that make you laugh, but also laughs at your stupid jokes. He might not be the best-looking guy in the world, but by golly, he'll make you feel like the best-looking gal for him. Settle for the guy that maybe isn't the brightest bulb in the bunch, but finds interest in and is curious about SOMETHING, especially something important to you. When looks and sex get boring or fade away, what you can talk about together matters very much.

My biggest piece of advice: Don't settle for a guy who isn't engaged in life. If he's boring now, there's a good chance he's going to still be boring 20 years from now. There is so much to do and see and ask questions about in this world. There is no excuse to not have interest in something.

If you ask the questions, "What do you like to do? What are you interested in? What do you like to talk about?" and he answers, "Oh, I don't know, nothing really." run for the hills. He may not be abusive, but he isn't someone you can grow with; he isn't someone you are going to experience a full life with. And that's just as scary a thing to settle for as any.
06/07/2012
Beck Beck
I don't think anyone should settle. There is a reason you're not completely into that person. Doesn't make them a bad mate, just not the mate for you.
06/07/2012
gsfanatic gsfanatic
If you're not completely into someone, but you're still enjoying it, go for dating for a while. If you start getting more interested in him, that's good, but if not walk away. Sometimes what you want at the start of a relationship can change over time. I do agree with the above comments about if settling means drugs or other clear problems, don't settle.
06/07/2012
CindyH CindyH
if you are into that person then ya
06/07/2012
britanny0620 britanny0620
Quote:
Originally posted by indiglo
This isn't going to be a totally helpful answer I imagine... but it really depends on what your expectations are. If you're waiting for that perfect white knight to sweep you off your feet... then I'd say getting more realistic ... More
I love that Dan Savage quote, and I agree with everything you've said here.
06/09/2012
nova2014 nova2014
I think you should have expectations but make sure they're reasonable and be flexible, nobody is perfect
12/08/2012
closed account closed account
just "ok" all around..no. but certain categories of things, yes. what matters is the whole package, the connection, how you feel about each other and how you treat each other. there are things about me that i consider to be "just ok" and things that i recognize could make it difficult to be with me, but with the right person the parts that are great about me will outweigh those.
12/10/2012
Total posts: 13
Unique posters: 13