Is Sex on a First Date a Relationship Killer?

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Is Sex on a First Date a Relationship Killer?

Em & Lo Em & Lo
We recently asked our Wise Guys what men thought of women who agreed to and/or wanted sex on a first date, which sparked a debate with basically two sides: A) sex on a first date is the easiest way to make a guy lose interest or B) playing games won't land you a long-term relationship, so if it feels right go for it. What say you?

- Em & Lo, EMandLO.com
01/12/2012
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KyotoAngel KyotoAngel
Quote:
Originally posted by Em & Lo
We recently asked our Wise Guys what men thought of women who agreed to and/or wanted sex on a first date, which sparked a debate with basically two sides: A) sex on a first date is the easiest way to make a guy lose interest or B) playing games ...
I'd have to agree with A.
I may not be a man but I get the feeling if a woman gives it up that easily it's probably one hell of a turn-off the the man.
Even worse he'll probably spend the rest of the evening wondering if she does that on every date and how many men she's been with/what sort of diseases he may pick up.

...though like I said, I'm not a man so my view might be grossly inaccurate. xD
01/12/2012
js250 js250
I think it really depends on the situation. My hubby and I were friends for years, so when we slept together it was actually considered our first date afterward. I have not slept with people on the first date prior to that due to the fact that I did not know them well enough to figure out if there was any basis for attraction and a relationship. I don't play games, I just don't sleep around either. There has to be something there first for me.
01/12/2012
sexiskewt sexiskewt
Option A doesn't even make sense. Aren't these guys that supposedly "lose interest" in women after having sex on the first date there participating in the act? What place do they have being more critical of the women in that situation than they are of themselves? If a guy doesn't want to have sex on the first date then he should decline the offer, not judge his partner based on it later on.

If a man thinks he's more entitled to whatever sexual opportunity he receives while a woman should have to work for it or take her time for fear of looking like she sleeps around... well, he's a hypocrite and his interest isn't worth holding on to.
01/12/2012
Ansley Ansley
Quote:
Originally posted by sexiskewt
Option A doesn't even make sense. Aren't these guys that supposedly "lose interest" in women after having sex on the first date there participating in the act? What place do they have being more critical of the women in that ...
Sadly, it's socially acceptable for a man to be able to "hit it and quit it". "It's their nature." "It's what men do." "But a woman? How dare she?!"

And people seem to be under the impression that if you sleep with someone you're automatically in a committed, monogamous relationship. It's all ridiculous.
01/12/2012
Elnoa Elnoa
I've always engaged in whatever behavior I wanted on whatever "date" I wanted. It's always turned out fine and no one has ever called me a "slut" or "lost interest" (although I've had a few one night stands, which were understood to be one night stands). My mantra is: do what you want.
01/12/2012
indiglo indiglo
I've always just done whatever I wanted in those instances. My current partner and I had sex really quickly after meeting, and I was expecting a one night stand, but his interest was majorly piqued, so he pursued me. He was really wonderful, and I ended up falling in love with him too. Now we're in it for the long haul.

I think it depends on the people involved and their maturity level. A mature man won't "lose interest" after sex on a first date in my opinion. Gotta love that lame ass double standard.
01/12/2012
jedent jedent
maybe it isn't a dealbreaker for a relationship. sometimes, you just really really hit it off.
01/12/2012
El-Jaro El-Jaro
It really depends on the people.

If you decide to bump and grind on the first date and it stays hot: great.
If you decide to bump and grind on the first date and it fails: One night stand, move on from there.

It's just more important to talk about stuff first. But sometimes you're just so excited to find someone who wants to have sex - better yet, sex with YOU - people forget to talk.
01/12/2012
Badass Badass
Quote:
Originally posted by Em & Lo
We recently asked our Wise Guys what men thought of women who agreed to and/or wanted sex on a first date, which sparked a debate with basically two sides: A) sex on a first date is the easiest way to make a guy lose interest or B) playing games ...
It really depends on the situation, I personally never sleep with someone on the first date, but everyone has their own definitions of right and wrong.

01/27/2012
Katelyn Katelyn
Absolutely not. I think that if you are friends with someone beforehand it can be extremely hot.
02/13/2012
Chilipepper Chilipepper
I've done it only twice, and I've had both results.

The first time, he and I agreed we were "on" and it was going to be an awesome relationship. We met the week before on a dating site and were emailing and IM'ing everyday, and he lived in the same area. And we just really hit it off intellectually and physically.

Five days of silence after that one date, then a defriending on FB the day after Valentine's Day, no explanation whatsoever.

Later met another online, emailed two months, met in person for a five day long date (since he lived in another country), had sex that first night of meeting, declared that we intend to keep it going.

Eleven months after meeting online (nine months after the long weekend date), Master and I are still together and neither of us are opposed to anything permanent. But we're exclusive to each other, anyway.

It REALLY depends on the person.
02/13/2012
Angelica Angelica
In counseling, my counselor said getting too physical too fast was probably why my relationships didn't work. I started my current relationship as drunken hookups so I am all paranoid and insecure that it is not going to work. But I knowwwww it really depends on the people involved.
02/13/2012
Elnoa Elnoa
Quote:
Originally posted by Angelica
In counseling, my counselor said getting too physical too fast was probably why my relationships didn't work. I started my current relationship as drunken hookups so I am all paranoid and insecure that it is not going to work. But I knowwwww it ...
How wonderful, another sex-negative counselor.
02/13/2012
Ms. Spice Ms. Spice
I have sex on the first date, regardless. I like to use at as an indicator, and those men that wanted a one time thing obviously aren't valuable to me as future partners. I like one night stands, but I also would like something to come out of it, at least an acquaintance like status. Those that stick around and didn't want me as a "sex object" become that much more attractive to me.

I may not necessarily date them, but I've made some wonderful friends even though we had sex on the first date. I don't think someone is worth any less because we had sex so soon. Quite the opposite.
02/13/2012
Ms. Spice Ms. Spice
Quote:
Originally posted by KyotoAngel
I'd have to agree with A.
I may not be a man but I get the feeling if a woman gives it up that easily it's probably one hell of a turn-off the the man.
Even worse he'll probably spend the rest of the evening wondering if she does ...
this goes back to the very old mentality that women give sex away and men take. I'd like to think that both sexes enjoy the experience together, even if it's only a one night stand.

If a man is that insecure about what a woman does with other men before him, then he probably needs to fix that personality trait. It's not a woman's job to make him feel better about himself.
02/13/2012
Ahatmadeofshoes12 Ahatmadeofshoes12
It depends on the situation and the person. In some cases it may kill the chances for a relationship but it depends on the individual. I feel pretty strongly that if things connect well and you can be sure about your safety with a new partner, if you use protection you should be fine to have sex early on. I've had two relationships were I had sex early on in the partnership and it did not jeopardize our changes at a relationship. In fact, I feel it brought us together since we were being completely honest with each other. Again it depends on the partner and how well you connect too. Every situation is different. However, I firmly believe any men who would judge a women for having sex on the first date and would write her off for acting on her sexual desires is not the kind of guy you want to be in a relationship with anyway.
02/18/2012
Tuesday Tuesday
I confess that I lose respect for men who are willing to do it on the first date too. It works both ways. That is, I lose respect if there isn't a certain amount of rapport first.

I slept with my husband on the first date, but we had spent 20+ hours talking before that first date.
02/18/2012
Gracie Gracie
Quote:
Originally posted by El-Jaro
It really depends on the people.

If you decide to bump and grind on the first date and it stays hot: great.
If you decide to bump and grind on the first date and it fails: One night stand, move on from there.

It's just more ...
Beautiful answer. I feel the same way.
02/18/2012
oneeyedoctopus oneeyedoctopus
I didn't have sex with my boyfriend until a few months in and I still feel it was way too fast. Sex doesn't make sense to me outside of a committed relationship. If there's no emotional connection then why wouldn't I just masturbate?
02/19/2012
wetone123 wetone123
I went on my 1st "official" date with anyone in 12 years this past weekend. I had met him on a date site and he was local. We really hit it off on the phone and talked for some time before he asked me out. We had a marvelous date, but he wanted to have sex after and I just wasn't ready. In my day, this wasn't done. I was so nervous I made a complete fool of myself and handled it all wrong. Now he thinks I'm nuts I guess. Anyway, I'm glad we didn't have sex. Guess I'm a recluse and I'm staying home with my vibrators. Too bad I'm so out of practice with men, cause I really did like the guy...if he'd only given me some time.Maybe I'll try again one day. For sure in December when I cruise with a long distance love who lives across the country. At least he's slow with me and there's no pressure. He's older than me and is going thru' trauma of wifes death, 1 1/2 years ago. He was very much in love with her, married 30 years...so we are both taking it slow on everything.
10/30/2012
Sunny Meadows Sunny Meadows
My husband and I met when I was waiting tables. he would come in a give me such crap about going out with him. When I finally gave in we went out. He kissed me once and that is all it took. As he tells it I took advantage of him. LOL. I would have to say yes I did. I had never done that before. We have been married 12 years. I dont know how to explain it. Because I was in a very bad place when I met him. And I was not looking. I didn't even dress up. he saw me for who i was and didnt ask me to change a thing. Amazing!
10/30/2012
Aftertherain13 Aftertherain13
Me and the lovely man who is now my husband met at a party a couple years back and hit it off pretty well but nothing happened. A week later at another party, we ended up having sex. We were absolutely inseparable after that and 1 1/2 years later, we were married. I'll never regret giving it up that easily!
10/30/2012
Supervixen Supervixen
It might be a double standard, but for me, I don't want it on the first date as a woman, either. I think it takes away from some of the intrigue and the sexual tension by getting too physical, too soon. Of course, if what you are looking for is a physical relationship, then maybe that's not the case. If you're looking for a possible committed relationship though, it's usually wise to wait and get to know the person a bit better. Of course, there are exceptions to the rule. But I do think that there is some truth that men like a bit of a challenge in a woman, they like the thrill of the chase so to speak, and anticipation for the possibility of intimacy (especially if you're really hitting it off) makes it more exciting.

Now, if it's because a guy thinks that a woman is too easy and is judging her by the double standard that it's somehow okay for him to do it but not for her, then screw him...er, rather, don't. Guys who are insecure about a woman's sexuality in relation to his own and men who are full of double standards are probably not going to make the best lovers, let alone the best boyfriends.
10/30/2012
RonLee RonLee
Most of the longer term relationships that I've had we had sex in one way or another on the first date. The entire concept that I would think a partner "too easy" because we felt attracted to one another that way, is at least for me absolutely ridiculous.
10/30/2012
BiteOnThis BiteOnThis
If you're THAT into each other on the first day, there's something to be said about a bright future If all that person wants is a one night stand, then you don't want to waste your time with them anyway--either way they would have done the same thing.
10/30/2012
AliMc AliMc
Quote:
Originally posted by Em & Lo
We recently asked our Wise Guys what men thought of women who agreed to and/or wanted sex on a first date, which sparked a debate with basically two sides: A) sex on a first date is the easiest way to make a guy lose interest or B) playing games ...
I'm on the fence. I think it just depends on the people involved. Apparently couples who sleep together early on in their relationship are just as likely to have a successful relationship as any other couple.
10/30/2012
Total posts: 27
Unique posters: 25