Originally posted by
My sisters boyfriend lied to her about liking porn a few months ago, and now he's saying he's been watching it for a long time.
Would you be upset?
I personally would be, because he lied about something so little.
Bless her heart! Hell yes I'd be upset! Porn is absolutely hated by my partner and I. I have a big problem with it, not an addiction problem, a problem as in I f'n despise it. I hate that it contributes to so many hurting people.
Anyways, obviously porn is a total deal breaker for me. I'd just as soon live happily unmarried and alone with my cats before I even considered a man who had any interest in pornography. I am better than that, I deserve far better and well, I just happen to be one of those women who won't settle for any less.
How a person handles this situation is the most important though. I hope your sister is doing okay though.
I'm sorry she's hurting. I know many people see it as petty, but nothing is petty about a hurt heart, and if it hurts, it hurts! You can't help what hurts. While some people may have no problem with pornography being a part of their marriage/relationship, some do and both types should be accepted.
Like I said, I'd be hurt. I HAVE been hurt by pornography. Devastated. Traumatized, in fact. Of course not by pornography's existance alone, but by a person and pornography combined and how they chose to use it to steal, destroy & use me.
Thankfully, the topic of pornography and everything else that would and would not be tolerated by me or my partner was addressed in the very beginning of our relationship. We've been together for 6 years and are stritcly monogamous, and actually totally happy that way. That's okay too! If it so happened that during our beginning times, he expressed diff. views than me on what monogamy is (in our opinion, monogamy is being ONLY for/with each other in every way, and pornography is not part of a monogamous rel.) I'd have turned around to never look back. Most people would think that's crazy, but it's served me & my heart very well.
Now, it'd be really different to have my partner make me believe he was trustworthy and did share the same strong views as I do on pornography, only to go and betray me later on. That is hurtful. That is enough to really do some damage, and it should not be tolerated. Lying is never okay, and you don't lie over something that you know would negatively affect the person you "love."
I hope your sister is able to move past this for her own sake. I hope she chooses what will ultimately make her happiest, and nothing less.
I've been lied to about some things. When you lie about something that a person feels so strongly about, it has devastating affects. I don't know how your sis feels about the use of pornography, but clearly it must have upset her. If someone ever isn't okay with something, they are never wrong to say and to not settle.
Wishing her the best.