I actually never noticed a problem with consensual sex. I would say my Catholic "Sex is Wrong" upbringing had a more intense effect. When I started High School I thought I would be a virgin until my "wedding night." Obviously and happily, puberty and rational though kicked in soon after, and I didn't give a damn about some fuzzy future "wedding night" and found a good partner through not allowing fear or guilt ruin my ability to make love and find the right partner.
I dealt with the abuse in therapy and on my own. I REFUSE to let that pedophile have any say in how I feel, act or think. Letting him take up real estate in my head is letting him win. He has no place in my head or in my life. I REFUSE to be a "victim." That would also let him win.
It's the past. I've dealt with it, and even before I hadn't dealt with it in therapy, I was able to rationalized it and compartmentalize it so it didn't have an impact on my sexuality.
Letting the abuser continue
to have a place in your life is damaging. More damaging than the original abuse.
I'm NOT a "victim" and I am not a "survivor." I'm just one of many women and men who were harmed by a bad person when they were young. It doesn't make me special, and the abuse was FAR from the most interesting thing that has ever happened to me.
It's the past, and that's where it stays.
My sex life rocks, and always has, and the person who hurt me was never allowed into my consensual
sex life. He's dead to me and I rarely think about it, unless threads like this come up.