After a Really Huge Fight...

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After a Really Huge Fight...

RemusHalifax RemusHalifax
My SO and I just got in a really big fight. So big, it could have potentially ended the relationship. Emotions are hurt, trust is marred, but we both still really want to be together. We haven't seen each other since the fight, but ever since emotions have settled down a little bit and an arrangement was worked out, we've been able to get along fairly well and have started having phone sex again.

Well, we're seeing each other Monday, and I'm a little nervous. I think some make-up sexy times are in order, but he's worried that if we do anything too sexual, the relationship might heal, but it'll be more about the sex than anything else. I don't think it'll happen, but I can see why he's be concerned.

What do you guys think? Will sexiness get in the way of real feelings or help us feel closer again?
01/15/2011
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Jobthingy Jobthingy
How long have you been together?

I don't think make up sex will ruin the healing process. You are both aware that things need to be done, or change or what have you. That physical bond after a huge blow up is always nice, for me anyways
01/15/2011
liilii080 liilii080
Make up sex is about healing in its own way. It helps to reestablish intimacy and trust. The release of hormones will help you both feel good and close to each other again. If all you do is have sex and don't continue to talk and compromise, then yes, it is a problem. But, if sex is part of talking, caring, and reaching out to the other person to show them you love and want to be with them, then it is a vital piece of your relationship recovery.
01/15/2011
RemusHalifax RemusHalifax
Quote:
Originally posted by liilii080
Make up sex is about healing in its own way. It helps to reestablish intimacy and trust. The release of hormones will help you both feel good and close to each other again. If all you do is have sex and don't continue to talk and compromise, ...
liilii080 ; That makes so much sense! That's really how I'm thinking about it. We have been talking a lot, but at this point if we argue, it's really more out of tension than anything else. Thanks for reaffirming my beliefs. I hope he gets over his fears so we can start to really enjoy each other again.
01/15/2011
indiglo indiglo
I think once you're sure you want to forgive and forget, make up sex just cements the decision. I agree, it is healing in its own way and definitely helps to reestablish trust and intimacy (or as we like to call it, reaffirm the pair bond).
01/16/2011
Emma (Girl With Fire) Emma (Girl With Fire)
Quote:
Originally posted by RemusHalifax
My SO and I just got in a really big fight. So big, it could have potentially ended the relationship. Emotions are hurt, trust is marred, but we both still really want to be together. We haven't seen each other since the fight, but ever since ...
What do you guys think? Will sexiness get in the way of real feelings or help us feel closer again?


In my opinion, sex ALWAYS gets in the way of how you deal with a relationship. If you take sex out of the equation completely and still behave exactly the same towards each other... then no it won't get in the way. I still have yet to see this happen.

You just need to ensure that you aren't using sex just to feel better. People are totally fucked over by their libidos, they forgive people because they are attracted to them, they become sidetracked from what they are trying to talk about because they are horny, they forget what they are supposed to be looking out for because they are too busy having sex and being satisfied with it. Sex makes people happy and forgiving most of the time, that is not always something that serves them when they are working on their relationship.

I think that if he is concerned about it, he may still have some things he is worried are not going to be addressed, it is best to work those problems out and worry about sex later, then to be sidetracked by it and have the relationship break down again because they were not addressed.
01/16/2011
onehotmomma onehotmomma
If you guys are both on the same page I don't see why make up sex would hurt anything. BUT if he is feeling that make up sex isn't the right thing to do, it may hurt the process. In my first serious relationship my bf would do some major screw up, then we'd have make up sex, and it helped in a way, but then he'd just assume that since we had sex, the problem is gone, everything is fine etc. when really it wasn't. Just be cautious of how you handle feelings and everything, because sex changes everything, whether you want it to or not.
01/17/2011
dbtracy dbtracy
Sex is a natural part of any relationship and it shouldnt get in the way.
01/19/2011
mrs.mckrakn mrs.mckrakn
Quote:
Originally posted by RemusHalifax
My SO and I just got in a really big fight. So big, it could have potentially ended the relationship. Emotions are hurt, trust is marred, but we both still really want to be together. We haven't seen each other since the fight, but ever since ...
Toughy...
04/21/2011
FREE MR PERRY FREE MR PERRY
Quote:
Originally posted by RemusHalifax
My SO and I just got in a really big fight. So big, it could have potentially ended the relationship. Emotions are hurt, trust is marred, but we both still really want to be together. We haven't seen each other since the fight, but ever since ...
I love make up sex
04/25/2011
neon neon
make up sex!!
04/29/2011
SoBlue SoBlue
Quote:
Originally posted by RemusHalifax
My SO and I just got in a really big fight. So big, it could have potentially ended the relationship. Emotions are hurt, trust is marred, but we both still really want to be together. We haven't seen each other since the fight, but ever since ...
make up sex is usually a help in the healing process darlin, i wouldnt sweat it too much, overstressing on it may kill the mood too
05/03/2011
sbon sbon
Quote:
Originally posted by liilii080
Make up sex is about healing in its own way. It helps to reestablish intimacy and trust. The release of hormones will help you both feel good and close to each other again. If all you do is have sex and don't continue to talk and compromise, ...
This was stated perfectly. Seconded.
05/05/2011
Total posts: 13
Unique posters: 12