Am I over-reacting? Need relationship advice.

ShadowedSeductress ShadowedSeductress
My partner is anticipating a show coming on and has been asking me the time every 5 minutes. It's annoying for me to keep sitting up to check especially since I'm getting over the flu. I told him to calm down, we still have 10 minutes and please check himself because I'm tired of doing it. He told me to stop freaking out on him and to shut the f**k up.

I don't appreciate being spoken to like that, so I told him not to. He told me "Stop telling me what to do you don't have the right to tell me how to talk" I of course feel like he doesn't have the right to talk to me that way.

Thing is, he always says stuff like that to me. He calls me a bitch a lot as well whenever he thinks I'm over-reacting. It hurts me when he's always telling me to shut the f**k up and other stupid crap like that. He knows I hate it. It makes me feel so small.

Am I wrong? Should I just let him say what he wants?
01/14/2013
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Chilipepper Chilipepper
I am not going to sugarcoat this, so here it is:

No, simply because he's disrespecting you and expecting you to be his mother by doing things for him. He needs to grow up and be an adult - being a teenager is no excuse for being an asshole.
01/14/2013
Ex-prude Ex-prude
That stuff bugs me, too, so I threatened to leave enough that he finally stopped. Awful way to go about it. Talk to him seriously, first.
01/14/2013
FlashFuchsia FlashFuchsia
He curses you out because he wants to watch Family Guy?

Yeah, I'd drop him. If he doesn't respect you enough to not curse because it makes you uncomfortable, he doesn't respect you period and you need to get away from him before it gets worse. Especially since he knows you don't like it and he's still deliberately doing it anyway.

EDIT: Just tell him to set an alarm.
01/14/2013
RonLee RonLee
Boot the selfish disrespectful asshole out.

If you weren't so far away, I'd come over and fuck him up myself.
01/14/2013
PropertyOfPotter PropertyOfPotter
It's verbal abuse and you don't have to put up with it!!!

When things aren't heated, when you're having a good day with him, sit down and talk with him about how it makes you feel. Was he treated like that by someone in the past (perhaps a parent)? It's not an excuse, but he might not truly realize how much it hurts you, especially if you're only telling him in the moment.

My husband and I have gone rounds with trying to get him to break the habit of being verbally abusive when he doesn't get his way. He's come a LOOOONG way but still messes up sometimes. If I tell him how much he's hurting me in the moment, he doesn't care because all he's feeling is anger, but when I sit down with him at a later time and talk with him about it, he seems more responsive to what I'm saying.

It seems like something much deeper is going on inside of him to snap like that for little to no reason at all, and he never has the right to talk down to you or call you names. Has he always been like this? Have things been stressful lately? Sometimes you have to get down to the root of the behavior in order for it to change! ((Hugs))
01/14/2013
Ansley Ansley
Quote:
Originally posted by PropertyOfPotter
It's verbal abuse and you don't have to put up with it!!!

When things aren't heated, when you're having a good day with him, sit down and talk with him about how it makes you feel. Was he treated like that by someone in the ... More
Was he treated like that by someone in the past (perhaps a parent)? It's not an excuse, but he might not truly realize how much it hurts you, especially if you're only telling him in the moment.

^^This

I was raised by a family who thinks showing love is not shattering your dreams in one fell swoop but just enough to form a tiny crack in the facade with which you will quickly take to the task of demolishing the rest yourself. It was not easy living in that environment and every question or seemingly annoying action was met with a snap, a bark, a smack, a spanking, or out right being ignored.

I was conditioned to respond the same way and I still do sometimes but I'm soo much better about it now. I learned that I was raised that way, but it's not who I really am.
01/14/2013
KissTheSkyBaby KissTheSkyBaby
No, I don't think you should just sit back and let anybody disrespect you but if I were in your situation (which I am not but I have been in the past) I would be asking myself where the hostility is coming from. Is there tension in your relationship aside from requests. Is there anything that he may be upset about and he is taking it out on you in a different way?

I'm not saying in any way that you have done anything to deserve this. Nobody deserves to be spoken to that way man, woman, life partner, wife/husband, next door neighbor or stranger on the street. But since this is somebody you care about and if you want to ever resolve it you have to find out the reason or at least try to talk to him. Sometimes I think things happen in relationships that aren't noticed. Some slight is done to one party and the other party has no idea they have done something upsetting. Sometimes it isn't even something someone in the relationship did but something else or someone else all together. If your guy isn't the type to talk about it he could be letting things build up and then lashing out over the first thing he feels he has reason to and when people are heated they don't always think about what comes out of their mouths.

Your partner should make you feel good about yourself. Ideally the yin to your yang so to speak. Nobodies perfect and no relationship is gold but you have to respect yourself and your partner and expect that same respect in return and communication has to be there in some form or another.
01/14/2013
anonkitty anonkitty
I may be sensitive, I guess, but I can't tolerate anyone talking to me like that, regardless of the situation or circumstances. I would've dropped him the first time it happened, because if our perceived weights of those words differ so much, the relationship wouldn't work out anyway.
01/14/2013
Antipova Antipova
Hugs for you, honey. That's got to be tough, especially when you're sick... but you do not need to put up with him swearing at you. A serious talk is in order---if you can't talk to him so that he understands he needs to speak to you respectfully, you need to leave the relationship. This only gets worse with time, unless it gets fixed right now.
01/14/2013
js250 js250
Quote:
Originally posted by PropertyOfPotter
It's verbal abuse and you don't have to put up with it!!!

When things aren't heated, when you're having a good day with him, sit down and talk with him about how it makes you feel. Was he treated like that by someone in the ... More
I agree and was in that position not too long ago. It is a demeaning way for them to build themselves up and to look down on you. Good luck with how you decide to deal with it and I am here if you need advice!
01/15/2013
butts butts
WOW, how immature and rude, I'd dump his ass immediately! Don't ever allow someone to treat you like that, especially when you're sick! Sit him down and have a talk, it's called verbal (and emotional) abuse and he's a classic example. Either put an end to it or tell him to leave, that isn't acceptable behavior towards someone he's suppose to care about.
01/15/2013
froggygal91 froggygal91
That's verbal abuse. If he treats you like this all the time you need to leave him and find some one that will respect you.
01/15/2013
spiced spiced
Quote:
Originally posted by Antipova
Hugs for you, honey. That's got to be tough, especially when you're sick... but you do not need to put up with him swearing at you. A serious talk is in order---if you can't talk to him so that he understands he needs to speak to you ... More
I agree 100% with this.

Put an end to it immediately, or failing that, get out of the situation. No one should have to put up with verbal abuse.
01/15/2013
cowgirl1130 cowgirl1130
Quote:
Originally posted by ShadowedSeductress
My partner is anticipating a show coming on and has been asking me the time every 5 minutes. It's annoying for me to keep sitting up to check especially since I'm getting over the flu. I told him to calm down, we still have 10 minutes and ... More
that is very disrespectful in my eyes. no one should be talked to like that. it is hurtful
01/15/2013
nova2014 nova2014
This is definitely not alright. Nobody should ever disrespect you even if he's your boyfriend. Since it is your boyfriend it is even more inappropriate.
01/17/2013
kaykay0427 kaykay0427
I would of told him see you later... I'm leaving you take care of your fucking self... I don't put up with that at all... even if it just slipped out of his mouth and he didn't mean it
01/25/2013
kaykay0427 kaykay0427
I would of told him see you later... I'm leaving you take care of your fucking self... I don't put up with that at all... even if it just slipped out of his mouth and he didn't mean it
01/25/2013
novanilla novanilla
That sounds like it is a potentially abusive situation and you should get yourself out of it. It's not overreacting to not want to be called a bitch whenever you disagree on something or to be yelled at because you do not want to tell someone the time every 5 minutes.
01/27/2013
epiphanyjayne epiphanyjayne
I find that very disrespecting, he need to learn how to talk to you about his annoyances in a better way. You need to go Dr.Phil on his ass and tell him how it is! ask him "how's that working for you?" lol.

Seriously though my automatic reaction is "OH HELL NO!", or my real reaction which is a little more lame "How Rude". If my hubby talked to me like that we wouldn't be married.

It's just not a healthy way to talk to someone especially someone you are supposed to care about. If the relationship is worth saving in your eyes it would be best to have some counseling to learn how to argue effectively, to have someone like a mediator to share your feelings without fear of being unheard or misunderstood.
02/17/2013
Total posts: 20
Unique posters: 19