Originally posted by
I would try to forgive but the trouble is that once that trust has been broken, how do you gain it back? I'm not sure that I ever could 100% trust the person again, and because of that I don't think the relationship would work out.
Actually yes with enough work and a horrifying amount of pain you can rebuild that trust to 100%. I do trust Sigel the difference is I trust that above all else he loves me and he doesn't intentionally try to hurt me. I trust he will keep himself physically healthy and not bring home anyone who is a potential threat to our family. I trust him to come home to me every night, I trust him to be open and honest with me about everything that I have a right to know. (I have a nasty habit of wanting to be aware of everything because I'm a huge voyeur but there is a place for secrets in a relationship...so long as neither of my partners keep secrets that they know will hurt me if they get out. Secrets get out it's better to do the band-aid thing and just rip them out. At least with me, your milage may vary.)
In short in every way that a wife is supposed to be able to trust her husband I DO trust Sigel. It has taken many years to grow back what he threw away, but in our case I had to realize that sexual fidelity was a test I used to keep him ar arm's length because I couldn't trust anyone, not fully. His "failure" at a monogamous relationship saved me. I learned so much about what I am made of and what kind of a strong woman, capable woman I am. I am so much more than that poor, scared, timid, and downtrodden person who couldn't keep her husband out of other women's beds. That's what I thought I was for many years until I realized it wasn't my place to keep him...he had to WANT to stay. I had to earn his trust as well, it is a two way street. He is the person he was meant to be and he has given me the gift of insight into the kind of person I am becoming, and I like that reflection!
It's not easy, I would never want to give anyone struggling with this issue that impression. In some cases it may not be worth it to fight to rebuild that trust. For me it saved me and gave me something precious; pride in myself, pride in my husband and a home I am finally the mistress of. I am proud that I can trust Sigel, I am also proud that his breaking my heart also broke the shell around me. Like a blade of grass I grew from this experience and I love where I am. There is life after cheating but damn if you have the choice do the work to build yourself and your relationship without cheating...it is SO much easier and just as rewarding.