Do you look through your partners cell phone? Ever found anything incriminating?
Do you check your partners cell phone?
Discussion Topics
1.
Do you check your partners cell phone?
(98 posts)
2.
Does your partner look through your phone?
(30 posts)
3.
Have you ever found anything incriminating?
(18 posts)
Quote:
I agree, that snooping is a sign of not only trust issues but more.
Originally posted by
Ms. Spice
If you're snooping through your partner's phone for anything other than trying to get a number or something, that might be a sign of something called trust issues.
No, I would never go through my partner's phone. As Tuesday said, everyone is ...
No, I would never go through my partner's phone. As Tuesday said, everyone is ...
If you're snooping through your partner's phone for anything other than trying to get a number or something, that might be a sign of something called trust issues.
No, I would never go through my partner's phone. As Tuesday said, everyone is entitled to their privacy.
No, I would never go through my partner's phone. As Tuesday said, everyone is entitled to their privacy.
I've lived through having a controlling abusive spouse, I don't recommend it.
And FroggieMoma, ever consider that frequently accusing one's SO of cheating just might induce that person to think "she's already convinced that I have cheated when I haven't, I might as well go ahead and do it now".
Feb 5, 4:14 pm
I don't look at his phone unless he asks me to (like if he's driving and needs me to read a text to him) and he doesn't look at mine either. I think we both deserve to be able to have private conversations with our friends. I don't have anything innappropriate on my phone, but I would be angry if he was snooping because I would feel like he didn't trust me.
Feb 5, 4:53 pm
lol I tell them people I date bring one home for me if you can. actually I say check their medical records so you don't get an STD, I would like to meet them they might make an excellent friend for us or I would just like to meet them once so I can approve of your choice and you can have a fun guilt free time. Sex is sex long as I get the most attention and the most effort is spent on ME, I'm good.
Feb 6, 2:02 am
Quote:
I have to add something here. The whole "OMG my partner thought I might've been cheating! I NOW have the right to go ahead and do it." thing is not an excuse to do it.
Originally posted by
RonLee
I agree, that snooping is a sign of not only trust issues but more.
I've lived through having a controlling abusive spouse, I don't recommend it.
And FroggieMoma, ever consider that frequently accusing one's SO of cheating just might induce ...
I've lived through having a controlling abusive spouse, I don't recommend it.
And FroggieMoma, ever consider that frequently accusing one's SO of cheating just might induce ...
I agree, that snooping is a sign of not only trust issues but more.
I've lived through having a controlling abusive spouse, I don't recommend it.
And FroggieMoma, ever consider that frequently accusing one's SO of cheating just might induce that person to think "she's already convinced that I have cheated when I haven't, I might as well go ahead and do it now".
I've lived through having a controlling abusive spouse, I don't recommend it.
And FroggieMoma, ever consider that frequently accusing one's SO of cheating just might induce that person to think "she's already convinced that I have cheated when I haven't, I might as well go ahead and do it now".
If you're in a long relationship, there will be SOME point where you wonder if they've thought about cheating or came close. Everybody has those thoughts, even if you're 100% sure they did not cheat, you wonder. However, there is a huge difference in being controlling and checking your partner's text messages one time. There's also a major difference in not trusting and being over stressed or insecure and paranoid every so often. Look at how women are typically treated. Not very well. I'm not saying women don't do just as shitty things as men, but let's face it, it's rare to find a man who doesn't even THINK or LOOK at another woman. If he does those things, why the hell wouldn't his wife/girlfriend suspect him as a cheater? Perfect reason. However, I do think trust should be a top priority and some people have trust issues and insecurities and if a partner is kind and understanding enough to reassure their love, that's great. Snooping can be really bad, but what's more important than critisizing the snooper is why the snooper snoops. Is it because the bastard's cheated before? If so, I would urge anybody to leave. However, if you have broken trust with your love then you have to own up to the consequences and if you expect them to stay with you after breaking trust, you better be ready to prove yourself sometimes IMO.
Beside that, I don't check on my partner. He doesn't check on me. You know why we have it so easy? Because neither of us EVER get involved with the opposite sex. Nope. Unless it's family, we don't cross those lines, those boundaries. That's another thing that should be top priority in a relationship. Boundaries and sticking to em'. I've answered his cell before when he asks me to and he does mine some, but rarely. I'm weird about answering anybody else's phone calls anyways. He tends to leave his LOUD phone in the bedroom after work and usually I'm doing work or school work so I when he gets a lot of calls, I'll see who it is and write it down and turn his phone off and tell him who called later. We usually read our texts to each other anyways if it's interesting. However, we made an effort to keep our phone numbers to a minimum. Mostly family and close friends get our number and we don't use the phone or internet for anything that would be crossing the line.
If you have worries like this, going the route we did isn't a bad idea if you're both happy that way. We made the decision to stay totally away from specific things that would cause problems and that was 5 years ago. It cut down on a lot of drama I'd encountered with EX'S and there's complete trust with us. We don't chat with the oppostite sex so we have the luxury of not having to worry if the other was crossing the line and things like that. It's We apply that to every part of our lives. We still interact and talk to the opposite sex, but are VERY careful. It's worked for us and allowed us to have a peaceful past 5 years where we get to focus on US.
Feb 6, 5:13 am
The only time that I check anything of his or he does of mine....its for "necessity" purposes. We both have the same friends/family in our phone, so we don't need phone numbers from each other. Sometimes if his phone goes off, Ill check to see who it is, or tell him what the text message says, and he'll do the same for me. We have every account and password information for each other, because we have nothing to hide.
We have both been cheated on in the past (Our ex spouses) and we know that feeling to be cheated on. we know that we would never want to hurt the other that way.
We made a pact a long time ago, before we married, that if ANYTHING came up to where it was so bad that we couldn't work things out, and that we had feelings or urges for another person, that we would be honest and open with each other and end the marriage before any kind of infidelity occurred.
We have nothing to hide from each other. Besides, we're always together (unless he's at work). When he and I are not together, we trust each other wholeheartedly!
We have both been cheated on in the past (Our ex spouses) and we know that feeling to be cheated on. we know that we would never want to hurt the other that way.
We made a pact a long time ago, before we married, that if ANYTHING came up to where it was so bad that we couldn't work things out, and that we had feelings or urges for another person, that we would be honest and open with each other and end the marriage before any kind of infidelity occurred.
We have nothing to hide from each other. Besides, we're always together (unless he's at work). When he and I are not together, we trust each other wholeheartedly!
Feb 6, 12:30 pm
Quote:
"Look at how women are typically treated. Not very well. I'm not saying women don't do just as shitty things as men, but let's face it, it's rare to find a man who doesn't even THINK or LOOK at another woman. If he does those things, why the hell wouldn't his wife/girlfriend suspect him as a cheater? Perfect reason."
Originally posted by
kendra30752
I have to add something here. The whole "OMG my partner thought I might've been cheating! I NOW have the right to go ahead and do it." thing is not an excuse to do it.
If you're in a long relationship, there will be SOME point where you ...
If you're in a long relationship, there will be SOME point where you ...
I have to add something here. The whole "OMG my partner thought I might've been cheating! I NOW have the right to go ahead and do it." thing is not an excuse to do it.
If you're in a long relationship, there will be SOME point where you wonder if they've thought about cheating or came close. Everybody has those thoughts, even if you're 100% sure they did not cheat, you wonder. However, there is a huge difference in being controlling and checking your partner's text messages one time. There's also a major difference in not trusting and being over stressed or insecure and paranoid every so often. Look at how women are typically treated. Not very well. I'm not saying women don't do just as shitty things as men, but let's face it, it's rare to find a man who doesn't even THINK or LOOK at another woman. If he does those things, why the hell wouldn't his wife/girlfriend suspect him as a cheater? Perfect reason. However, I do think trust should be a top priority and some people have trust issues and insecurities and if a partner is kind and understanding enough to reassure their love, that's great. Snooping can be really bad, but what's more important than critisizing the snooper is why the snooper snoops. Is it because the bastard's cheated before? If so, I would urge anybody to leave. However, if you have broken trust with your love then you have to own up to the consequences and if you expect them to stay with you after breaking trust, you better be ready to prove yourself sometimes IMO.
Beside that, I don't check on my partner. He doesn't check on me. You know why we have it so easy? Because neither of us EVER get involved with the opposite sex. Nope. Unless it's family, we don't cross those lines, those boundaries. That's another thing that should be top priority in a relationship. Boundaries and sticking to em'. I've answered his cell before when he asks me to and he does mine some, but rarely. I'm weird about answering anybody else's phone calls anyways. He tends to leave his LOUD phone in the bedroom after work and usually I'm doing work or school work so I when he gets a lot of calls, I'll see who it is and write it down and turn his phone off and tell him who called later. We usually read our texts to each other anyways if it's interesting. However, we made an effort to keep our phone numbers to a minimum. Mostly family and close friends get our number and we don't use the phone or internet for anything that would be crossing the line.
If you have worries like this, going the route we did isn't a bad idea if you're both happy that way. We made the decision to stay totally away from specific things that would cause problems and that was 5 years ago. It cut down on a lot of drama I'd encountered with EX'S and there's complete trust with us. We don't chat with the oppostite sex so we have the luxury of not having to worry if the other was crossing the line and things like that. It's We apply that to every part of our lives. We still interact and talk to the opposite sex, but are VERY careful. It's worked for us and allowed us to have a peaceful past 5 years where we get to focus on US.
If you're in a long relationship, there will be SOME point where you wonder if they've thought about cheating or came close. Everybody has those thoughts, even if you're 100% sure they did not cheat, you wonder. However, there is a huge difference in being controlling and checking your partner's text messages one time. There's also a major difference in not trusting and being over stressed or insecure and paranoid every so often. Look at how women are typically treated. Not very well. I'm not saying women don't do just as shitty things as men, but let's face it, it's rare to find a man who doesn't even THINK or LOOK at another woman. If he does those things, why the hell wouldn't his wife/girlfriend suspect him as a cheater? Perfect reason. However, I do think trust should be a top priority and some people have trust issues and insecurities and if a partner is kind and understanding enough to reassure their love, that's great. Snooping can be really bad, but what's more important than critisizing the snooper is why the snooper snoops. Is it because the bastard's cheated before? If so, I would urge anybody to leave. However, if you have broken trust with your love then you have to own up to the consequences and if you expect them to stay with you after breaking trust, you better be ready to prove yourself sometimes IMO.
Beside that, I don't check on my partner. He doesn't check on me. You know why we have it so easy? Because neither of us EVER get involved with the opposite sex. Nope. Unless it's family, we don't cross those lines, those boundaries. That's another thing that should be top priority in a relationship. Boundaries and sticking to em'. I've answered his cell before when he asks me to and he does mine some, but rarely. I'm weird about answering anybody else's phone calls anyways. He tends to leave his LOUD phone in the bedroom after work and usually I'm doing work or school work so I when he gets a lot of calls, I'll see who it is and write it down and turn his phone off and tell him who called later. We usually read our texts to each other anyways if it's interesting. However, we made an effort to keep our phone numbers to a minimum. Mostly family and close friends get our number and we don't use the phone or internet for anything that would be crossing the line.
If you have worries like this, going the route we did isn't a bad idea if you're both happy that way. We made the decision to stay totally away from specific things that would cause problems and that was 5 years ago. It cut down on a lot of drama I'd encountered with EX'S and there's complete trust with us. We don't chat with the oppostite sex so we have the luxury of not having to worry if the other was crossing the line and things like that. It's We apply that to every part of our lives. We still interact and talk to the opposite sex, but are VERY careful. It's worked for us and allowed us to have a peaceful past 5 years where we get to focus on US.
It's not a perfect reason to think someone is cheating. It's not even a good indication at all. And the reason why it's so rare to find a man who doesn't "look" is because they've been evolutionarily hardwired to be stimulated by visuals and when a person they think is attractive walks by, it's an innate response to give them a once over. Glaring, leering and staring are not the same thing, mind you. That's completely different.
Feb 6, 1:12 pm
NEVER! Once in a while, he'll ask me to go into his phone to get a number or see when someone called him. But, I never look unless he requests it. He's entitled to his privacy. I know he never goes through mine, either.
My Man doesn't text. He's older and was born long before the Information Age and although he works in Technology, he hates Technology. He doesn't even know how to access pictures people send him on his phone and has never read, much less answered a text. He's a true Luddite. My daughters had to set up his voice mail account, because they were tired of getting a message that his account wasn't set up yet. They pretended to be him, "Hi, this is D. I'm not here. Leave a message." in a fake baritone. It was hilarious, and it's still on his phone.
On the rare occasion he does get a message on his phone, it's always the same. "P'Gell, what the hell is my password?" *sigh*
Gotta love him.
My Man doesn't text. He's older and was born long before the Information Age and although he works in Technology, he hates Technology. He doesn't even know how to access pictures people send him on his phone and has never read, much less answered a text. He's a true Luddite. My daughters had to set up his voice mail account, because they were tired of getting a message that his account wasn't set up yet. They pretended to be him, "Hi, this is D. I'm not here. Leave a message." in a fake baritone. It was hilarious, and it's still on his phone.
On the rare occasion he does get a message on his phone, it's always the same. "P'Gell, what the hell is my password?" *sigh*
Gotta love him.
Feb 6, 1:32 pm
I used to. He had a problem cheating in past relationships and his main way of doing so was through his phone. I asked him in the beginning of the relationship what he felt we should do to hold him accountable and honest. He asked that I randomly check his phone. So I did. Then a few months into the relationship we discussed it again and realized I didn't have to do that any more. The honesty was there as was the trust. Sometimes in bed he'll look through mine or vice versa (actually, I think he's looked through mine more than I have his in the past few months). Not to find anything incriminating, more for amusement. We usually end up with laughs when we look. The only 'rule' we have to looking in each others phones is that the other person has to be in the same room. That way if the lookee is upset or finds something, it can be addressed right away.
Feb 7, 1:50 am
Never! I would be offended if he went through mine even though I have not and will not cheat. To me that is a sign of control/abuse issues and I cant deal with that again. I have used his phone for things like music/apps but never ever have I touched the text message-y part of his phone.
Feb 7, 2:10 am
Quote:
I only check her cell phone if she has specifically asked me too or given me permission too. Our cell phones are apart of our own private little world I guess? We don't feel any need to see who's messaging who. We trust each other, and unless I ask, or she wants me to check her phone because it keeps vibrating due to a text then I never really touch it.
Originally posted by
Badass
Do you, if so, how aften?
Feb 12, 10:53 am
Quote:
Thank you. I can always count on you to be the voice of reason
Originally posted by
Stormy
"Look at how women are typically treated. Not very well. I'm not saying women don't do just as shitty things as men, but let's face it, it's rare to find a man who doesn't even THINK or LOOK at another woman. If he does those things, why the hell
...
"Look at how women are typically treated. Not very well. I'm not saying women don't do just as shitty things as men, but let's face it, it's rare to find a man who doesn't even THINK or LOOK at another woman. If he does those things, why the hell wouldn't his wife/girlfriend suspect him as a cheater? Perfect reason."
It's not a perfect reason to think someone is cheating. It's not even a good indication at all. And the reason why it's so rare to find a man who doesn't "look" is because they've been evolutionarily hardwired to be stimulated by visuals and when a person they think is attractive walks by, it's an innate response to give them a once over. Glaring, leering and staring are not the same thing, mind you. That's completely different.
It's not a perfect reason to think someone is cheating. It's not even a good indication at all. And the reason why it's so rare to find a man who doesn't "look" is because they've been evolutionarily hardwired to be stimulated by visuals and when a person they think is attractive walks by, it's an innate response to give them a once over. Glaring, leering and staring are not the same thing, mind you. That's completely different.
Feb 12, 3:38 pm
We both do, but we're completely up front about it. We don't sneakily go through when the other's not looking or anything. If he wants to look at my phone, he picks it up (or asks to see it), and I do the same. Usually, it's just to see what kind of silly things we've shared, whether it be pictures or jokes.
Feb 20, 1:18 pm
Quote:
I have but it's out of insecurity. I've been hurt badly in the past and it's something I'm starting to overcome. I think I have finally found a decent guy. If I could just get my self-esteem back I don't think it'd be a problem. I just have crappy self-esteem and I feel like I'm not good enough....for anyone...
Originally posted by
Badass
Do you, if so, how aften?
Apr 2, 3:58 am
My boyfriend and trust each other and we both have access to each others cell phones and laptops. He uses my laptop to watch shows online because my screen's bigger and I play on his because it's a mac. As far as cell phones, we have the same phone so we know exactly how to use each others and feel free to at any time. We have a lot of mutual friends who have a habit of texting or calling only one of us because they assume we'll let our other half know what's up and it's easier to just say "oh, Michael was asking about our plans this weekend, go read the texts" than to try to explain a long conversation. Aside from that, we don't check each others messages often unless his family is involved. We're only 20 minutes away from his parents and have dinner with them often. He'll forget what time his parents said to meet them and when we're getting ready, it's usually easier for me to check myself.
Apr 18, 11:17 am
Quote:
I have, but it's not habit. It's generally like, "hey grab my phone and look up so and so" and then if I see something that makes me curious I'll check, but it's never at all with the intent of catching him doing something bad, because he's not like that at all and I trust him completely.
Originally posted by
Badass
Do you, if so, how aften?
Apr 24, 5:54 pm
I never snooped his cell phone (he lives 5000 miles away from me, so I suppose that would be somewhat difficult), but I used to be pretty bad about checking his Facebook. He tends to have more female friends, and at the urging of my best friend, I checked his Facebook frequently to make sure that he was only having friendly--not flirty--conversation with these girls. I found nothing incriminating, and I was really embarrassed. I asked him soon after to please change his password and not to give it to me. This has exponentially helped with our trust issues, and I now know I have nothing to worry about.
May 19, 11:45 pm
Total posts:
98
Unique posters: 95
Unique posters: 95
Quote:
I do most of the driving right now because his car is broken down, so when we're on the road he's my designated caller/answerer and text messager. I let him look through my photos and texts but he doesn't ask to or anything. I would let him if he wanted to, I've nothing to hide.
Originally posted by
Badass
Is so, how often?
Feb 6, 11:35 am
Total posts:
30
Unique posters: 30
Unique posters: 30
I found a picture from a girl while she was in bed that she had sent him with words something along the lines of "Okay. Here you go."
Luckily, it wasn't a risque photo or anything or we'd probably be broken up now. But that's obviously what he wanted so maybe I should have gotten madder? Regardless, he had deleted all of the messages from and to her before that. It was a miracle I caught it. He denied anything and said his messages just get full quickly and that he didn't know why she sent that message, despite the text with it making it seem as though he had asked for it.
Obviously, he was lying. I pretended to believe him and tried to trust him as he betrayed me in similar manners twice more. This last time was really bad and I almost left him. He swore it was the last time and that he'd try to be a better boyfriend overall. It wasn't until this last time that he FINALLY admitted to flirting with that girl and asking for that picture, like I knew all along.
Others may not be as forgiving as me but I'm in love with this man and I can't imagine a life without him. We live together and we've talked about marriage and possibly even kids (He's undecided if he wants them and I don't but might if he does). It would be a big deal to let him go. So I put my faith in him once more and I'm hoping he keeps his word to stop this time. Only time can tell!
Luckily, it wasn't a risque photo or anything or we'd probably be broken up now. But that's obviously what he wanted so maybe I should have gotten madder? Regardless, he had deleted all of the messages from and to her before that. It was a miracle I caught it. He denied anything and said his messages just get full quickly and that he didn't know why she sent that message, despite the text with it making it seem as though he had asked for it.
Obviously, he was lying. I pretended to believe him and tried to trust him as he betrayed me in similar manners twice more. This last time was really bad and I almost left him. He swore it was the last time and that he'd try to be a better boyfriend overall. It wasn't until this last time that he FINALLY admitted to flirting with that girl and asking for that picture, like I knew all along.
Others may not be as forgiving as me but I'm in love with this man and I can't imagine a life without him. We live together and we've talked about marriage and possibly even kids (He's undecided if he wants them and I don't but might if he does). It would be a big deal to let him go. So I put my faith in him once more and I'm hoping he keeps his word to stop this time. Only time can tell!
Feb 5, 3:29 pm
A few years ago, one of his ex girlfriend's name was on the phone. You know, the one he cheated on his (then-now ex)wife numerous times with. Before he got together with me. Calmly, quietly came unglued, told him if he wanted to play that game--I was going to bet it all and play harder. He never called or heard from her again.
Feb 6, 8:32 am
Quote:
I don't check my partner's phone, he doesn't check mine. It's not like we set up rules, we are both very...nonchalant? with our phones. We wouldn't care if either of us starting searching, but there really is no reason.
Originally posted by
Badass
And if so, how did you handle the situation?
Feb 19, 1:14 am
Quote:
I was in this situation once. After I forgave him over and over and we were seemingly ok again. I got dumped out of the blue after three years through a text Message. He hasn't spoken to me since. My advice dump him while you still can. I know how it feels to love someone like that but trust me there are better guys out there.
Originally posted by
Nazaress
I found a picture from a girl while she was in bed that she had sent him with words something along the lines of "Okay. Here you go."
Luckily, it wasn't a risque photo or anything or we'd probably be broken up now. But that's obviously what he ...
Luckily, it wasn't a risque photo or anything or we'd probably be broken up now. But that's obviously what he ...
I found a picture from a girl while she was in bed that she had sent him with words something along the lines of "Okay. Here you go."
Luckily, it wasn't a risque photo or anything or we'd probably be broken up now. But that's obviously what he wanted so maybe I should have gotten madder? Regardless, he had deleted all of the messages from and to her before that. It was a miracle I caught it. He denied anything and said his messages just get full quickly and that he didn't know why she sent that message, despite the text with it making it seem as though he had asked for it.
Obviously, he was lying. I pretended to believe him and tried to trust him as he betrayed me in similar manners twice more. This last time was really bad and I almost left him. He swore it was the last time and that he'd try to be a better boyfriend overall. It wasn't until this last time that he FINALLY admitted to flirting with that girl and asking for that picture, like I knew all along.
Others may not be as forgiving as me but I'm in love with this man and I can't imagine a life without him. We live together and we've talked about marriage and possibly even kids (He's undecided if he wants them and I don't but might if he does). It would be a big deal to let him go. So I put my faith in him once more and I'm hoping he keeps his word to stop this time. Only time can tell!
Luckily, it wasn't a risque photo or anything or we'd probably be broken up now. But that's obviously what he wanted so maybe I should have gotten madder? Regardless, he had deleted all of the messages from and to her before that. It was a miracle I caught it. He denied anything and said his messages just get full quickly and that he didn't know why she sent that message, despite the text with it making it seem as though he had asked for it.
Obviously, he was lying. I pretended to believe him and tried to trust him as he betrayed me in similar manners twice more. This last time was really bad and I almost left him. He swore it was the last time and that he'd try to be a better boyfriend overall. It wasn't until this last time that he FINALLY admitted to flirting with that girl and asking for that picture, like I knew all along.
Others may not be as forgiving as me but I'm in love with this man and I can't imagine a life without him. We live together and we've talked about marriage and possibly even kids (He's undecided if he wants them and I don't but might if he does). It would be a big deal to let him go. So I put my faith in him once more and I'm hoping he keeps his word to stop this time. Only time can tell!
Feb 25, 2:04 pm
Total posts:
18
Unique posters: 18
Unique posters: 18