Conflicting Needs

Kayla Kayla
So, for those of you in a relationship, I totally have a question. Let's say that you and your partner's needs are in direct conflict of one another. How do you deal with it?

Let's say, for example, that you and your partner are both upset. To feel better, your partner needs to be left alone. In order for you to feel better, you need to cuddle up and feel closer to your partner. Or, something less serious: you really hate doing laundry and to make it easier, you prefer that your partner turns all of their clothes right-side out instead of inside-out. However, your partner really hates the extra step of turning their clothes inside out, and they just want to mindlessly throw their clothes in the hamper.

In this a case like that, who "loses"? Whose needs come before the other person's? And I'm sure there are multiple cases of this happening in most relationships, so is it a pre-agreed upon thing? Or do you tend to split down the middle? Or how do you handle it?
11/30/2013
  • Weekly Special; Buy 1 Vibe, get 1 FREE
  • Save 15% on Luxury Brands
  • Annual Clearance - Save 30%
  • Buy Cascade vibe and save 50% on lubricants!
  • Save 20% on self-lubricating Cascade vibe and sleeve kit
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
All promotions
Kayla Kayla
Bump? Anyone around on a fun Saturday afternoon?
11/30/2013
Rossie Rossie
All I can suggest is for you guys to calmly talk about what's bothering you, and find a way to compromise.
11/30/2013
Edeneve Edeneve
I've always been on the losing side despite how reasonable conversations I've started. not doing that anymore.
11/30/2013
Oriental husband and wife Oriental husband and wife
Our opinion is this: good relations are give and take. Doesn't and shouldn't matter who does the give/taking. If you love one another then conflicts should not get in the way nor matter. Things one do that irritate you can/should be overlooked in a good relationship. Maturity is key to a relationship also. One will do things for others in a good relationship. If there is something one would like, a simple request to communicate will be helpful.

Having a good romp in the sack also helps. Sometimes one is more vulnerable after good sex, take advantage of that time to communicate !
11/30/2013
Taylor Taylor
I think with every situation like that (because every relationship has many) you have to decide how important it is to you and if it's something is critical to your happiness.

You also need to look at if one person is always the one having to do the compromising. For example if they won't turn the laundry right side out, but they overlook a habit of yours that they find annoying that might be something that maybe you might want to think about just letting go, but if you have to compromise in every issue while they always just do whatever they want, you might want to have a more serious discussion about what your needs are.

It is better to talk about an issue than to let it breed resentment, your happiness is important but so is theirs. There has to be a solution that both of you can work with.
11/30/2013
Slutty Girl Problems Slutty Girl Problems
I agree with the variety of answers here. Compromise and communication are most important.

If your partner needs space, and you need to talk things out - a great way to go is to give one another space at first for a set amount of time (like a half hour or and hour) - which is enough time to calm down and think about things. Then, you can return to the conversation later when your partner is ready, and have the closeness you need to feel better.

Everything can be handled with give and take. But if your partner's not willing to give to you to help your needs, time to kick them to the curb! It must be mutual.
12/01/2013
Ansley Ansley
I agree with the others, you have to learn to compromise. Setting a cooling off period is a great solution as long as you stick to it. Then there are times where you just have to swallow something and move on -- it's almost unavoidable. Whether it's the way they do laundry, or snore at night, or the way they do the dishes or prepare for a trip, there are going to be little petty conflicts like that. And giving each other a good-natured ribbing over it is encouraged so long as it's truly meant as a joke and stays light instead of being mean-spirited. Kind of let's you both pipe up about being annoyed by something the other has done.

I'm sure there are things you do that drive him crazy but he probably doesn't say anything. In my experience, men rarely complain when it comes to those things.

It's hard getting to know someone and it takes years. The younger you are, the more likely you are to see drastic changes in goals or their character or belief systems. Those things can be hard on a relationship, much harder than not putting the laundry in the hamper the way the other likes (or at all in some cases) and it's how you handle those issues that truly speaks of the strength of the relationship. The rest of the stuff is petty in the long run.
12/02/2013
Tangerine Tangerine
Quote:
Originally posted by Kayla
So, for those of you in a relationship, I totally have a question. Let's say that you and your partner's needs are in direct conflict of one another. How do you deal with it?

Let's say, for example, that you and your partner are ... More
For me, I don't like relationships so everything we pre discussed prior to living together. So there isn't BIG things but the little things that DO happen... if they all add and make me mad we discuss which ones will change and which ones I need to shut up and let it go. That way it's give and take. Not just "I'm the clean one who hate doing the chores to get it clean" vs. " I'm the messy as hell one, follow me around and clean up my mess bc YOU like it clean". Lol that's what's going on in my world. We are two lazy chicks I like things spotless and she is a HOT MESS

The upset portion: no advice here. We have no clue how to meet in the middle on this one. Usually we both lose
Jan 11, 10:35 am
SaucyxGirl SaucyxGirl
My BF and I are total opposites when it comes to everything and we have been together for over a decade. I would say communication is the biggest factor with us working through our differences, the second would be understanding. A lot of our differences can not be solved by meeting in the middle, instead we have to be creative when coming up with our solutions.

Also don't have the mindset that someone loses while the other is the winner. Think of it as a partnership that involves give and take. You each doing so equally. On issues where there can be no compromise try to see if you can work around the issue and find a solution that neither has thought of.
Jan 17, 1:50 pm
Pete's Princess Pete's Princess
Quote:
Originally posted by SaucyxGirl
My BF and I are total opposites when it comes to everything and we have been together for over a decade. I would say communication is the biggest factor with us working through our differences, the second would be understanding. A lot of our ... More
I agree SaucyxGirl. You can't have the winner/loser attitude in a partnership. You also can't have a score keeping attitude. That mindset will drive a wedge between you. You need to do what is best for the relationship and that doesn't mean one person always wins. If something is really important to you, sit down with your partner and explain why it is important to you, then have them do the same. Having to explain your positions makes you look at why you are wanting different things.
Jan 18, 11:53 am
Total posts: 11
Unique posters: 10