Controlling Wives...

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Controlling Wives...

BBW Talks Toys BBW Talks Toys
So a person I know has ended a friendship with me. However, her husband and mine are still friends. She's now told him that he cannot leave the house after 9 pm because she feels unsafe in the house without him. But if he leaves before 9, that's fine, he can be out.

If they lived in a bad part of town, I might understand, however, they live up the street from us. Literally, 12 houses away. Also, there is a gun in the house that she knows how to use, and two dogs to alert her if there were trouble.

This isn't a D/s thing, I know for a fact. I'm wondering what else is going on here, but he's not being forthcoming with my husband. It's not my place to ask him and she decided I was too "sinful" to be her friend, so I can't (and won't) talk to her.

I don't understand why anyone would allow themselves to be controlled and manipulated like this. I would never tell my husband when he could and couldn't leave the house to hang out with friends. Nor would he ever conceive of trying to do that to me (It's 10 pm and I'm getting ready to go out. On a Wednesday!). I am jaw-to-the-ground here.

Would any of you let this happen? Would you do this to your SO?
07/18/2012
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indiglo indiglo
Those kinds of relationships do seem unhealthy to me, but I guess (like you said) it's none of my business. Still... I know several couples that are like that, and I really dislike it. It would be considered abusive and wrong if the husband were the controlling one, and I don't see any reason to think of it differently just because it's the wife & not the husband who is controlling their spouse.

I think it's unhealthy, and most of the husbands with wives like that (that I know, anyway) eventually start to look like they've had the life drained out of them.

My man and I have promised never to treat each other that way. Now, if something traumatic just happened, and one of you needs a little extra care and support that's different - but for those people who just like to pick at each other and control things for no real reason... yeah, it's very unhealthy and not good.
07/18/2012
SubmissiveFeminist SubmissiveFeminist
Meh. I wouldn't put up for a curfew, but some people put up with things if they think it's more important to appease their partner. That's really up to them. I mean, if he's unhappy, he should talk it out and leave if she refuses to give him some freedom, but that's between them.
07/18/2012
js250 js250
Every relationship is different and there may be some behind the scenes issues that you know nothing about. If this woman is doing this for control issues, why would it suddenly start now? Why is she saying you are 'sinful' after knowing you and being your friend in the past? Could she be insecure about fidelity from her husband and maybe he has pushed boundaries in their relationship. I am just supposing--sometimes things happen to change the relationship and others are left in the dark.

On the other hand, maybe she likes to choose different areas of their life to control and run and if her hubby goes along with it and does not stand up for himself, then part of the blame has to fall on him as well.

Just a side note--I am the main driver in our family since I like to drive and find it relaxing. About 3 years ago I decided out of the blue I was not driving home anymore. My hubby was going to drive us. End of story--I would not change my mind. There was no reason except for me being uncomfortable about driving the way home. I obviously would when I was alone coming home from work, but hated every second of it. 4 months later I had a near fatal accident that was not my fault. It was on the way home at a dangerous intersection. Maybe this is going on with her? Now it does not bother me to drive home. I do not know what to think about the whole thing--but it was one experience I have had.
07/19/2012
melissapotamus melissapotamus
Quote:
Originally posted by BBW Talks Toys
So a person I know has ended a friendship with me. However, her husband and mine are still friends. She's now told him that he cannot leave the house after 9 pm because she feels unsafe in the house without him. But if he leaves before 9, ...
I dont like to let my boyfriend go out at night without someone else with him. It's just too dangerous.

But if she's preventing him from seeing friends, that just a whole other issue that really need to be dealt with immediately, since it could be a sign of a serious problem. I'd talk to a therapist about it to see if they could help the couple work out their issues.
07/22/2012
BBW Talks Toys BBW Talks Toys
"to let..."

This is my whole point. If I, a 30-something year old woman, were to decide to walk out the door at midnight to go to a bar and hang out with my friends, that is my choice. Same with my husband. If he were to decide to go out and hang out with someone at whatever time, I'm okay with it.

If we don't have a sitter, and both of us have plans, then one of us has to postpone our plans. Or, if one of us has been out several nights during the week, we might voice a desire to have the other stay home. But the concept of ALLOWING one person to do something or not do something is ridiculous to us
07/22/2012
RonLee RonLee
Sadly, I suspect that for many controlling spouses, a big part of it is mental illness.
07/22/2012
Gone (LD29) Gone (LD29)
Quote:
Originally posted by BBW Talks Toys
"to let..."

This is my whole point. If I, a 30-something year old woman, were to decide to walk out the door at midnight to go to a bar and hang out with my friends, that is my choice. Same with my husband. If he were to decide to go ...
I'm right there with you. There's a huge difference between respectfully checking in with one another and needing *permission* do do something...
07/22/2012
BBW Talks Toys BBW Talks Toys
Quote:
Originally posted by Gone (LD29)
I'm right there with you. There's a huge difference between respectfully checking in with one another and needing *permission* do do something...
The only time I give my husband permission to do anything is during very specific sexy times
07/23/2012
Total posts: 9
Unique posters: 7