Decrease in Sexual Activity in Long Term Relationships

The New Intimacy

Decrease in Sexual Activity in Long Term Relationships

Skip to last post
Set alerts
Updates
Forum search
Contributor: WD40watcher WD40watcher
Hello all,

I am 25 yrs old and have many friends who are in long term relationships or married and they all say that they do not have sex as much as they once did. Considering these are all males I can see why a drop will lead to complaining.

My question though is targeted for both women and men. I'm really interested to hear a woman's perspective on this. Why do you think women tend to have less sex after a few years in a relationship? Is it boredom? Lowered sex drive? Or even knowing that you have your man that you don't need to "impress" him to keep him interested in you? Do woman think its the guys fault for this? I'm very curious, so please feel free to reply.
04/04/2012
  • Save Extra 50% On Sexobot Attachment
  • Upgrade Your Hands-Free Play!
  • Save 70% On Selected Items. Limited Quantity
  • Complete strap-on set for extra 15% off
  • Save 50% On Shower Nozzle With Enema Set
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
All promotions
Contributor: ValerieRayne ValerieRayne
Quote:
Originally posted by WD40watcher
Hello all,

I am 25 yrs old and have many friends who are in long term relationships or married and they all say that they do not have sex as much as they once did. Considering these are all males I can see why a drop will lead to ... more
I'm in the "guy" situation here, where I'm the woman and I feel like my sex-drive is so much higher than his. It often worries me, because he's at the age where he should be at his sexual peak and I'm about 15 years away from mine, and I feel like I want it all the time and it's a fight to get it from him...

But I have experience with this issue from past relationships and I can't say it was boredom or lowered sex drive and most definitely not the last reason, but more about my own insecurities and hang ups.

In relationships, especially really long term ones, you risk losing a little bit of the romance that once was there. Where he used to woe you, he know expects of you. Where he once was concerned about foreplay, he know is concerned with orgasm. I also think it's because when you're in a long-term relationship, you have to deal with the real world within your relationship. The stress of it all starts to stand in your way.

And then you have kids... And while this isn't a killer to sex, it does make it harder. You can't be spontaneous like you could when you first hooked up, so sex is pretty restricted to after everyone's in bed. When you add in having to wake up in the morning and all the responsibilities that add up with all of that, then sex can easily be put on the back burner.
04/05/2012
Contributor: Peggi Peggi
From the girl perspective, I know what it is. I still LOVE having sex with him, he still turns me on, knows how to make each and every time feel like something out of a sweaty, delicious, well written graphic novel, but yet we have sex less now than in the beginning.

I know that this is because when things were brand new, we didn't mind sacrifices like sleep or food to make time for sex. We couldn't get enough. Then, our lives took the turn that they usually will when you get serious, we moved him in with me, so of course everything in our lives changed. We adjusted work schedules and day plans to work around our schedules, I was a lot more tired. Sleep and food became more important than sex because lets face it, you can only deprive yourself of such things for so long.

We still make time each day for cuddling, talking, acting silly, and of course sex. But we do not make the extra effort that we did in the beginning. Also, I switched birth control methods, and it affected my libido. We are both happy with this, though, because we still make time to enjoy each other.

With others, other factors contribute. Kids, school, change of jobs, stress, age, change in hormones.
04/05/2012
Contributor: K101 K101
Quote:
Originally posted by WD40watcher
Hello all,

I am 25 yrs old and have many friends who are in long term relationships or married and they all say that they do not have sex as much as they once did. Considering these are all males I can see why a drop will lead to ... more
I'm a female. My partner and I have been together for almost 6 years (next month!) and we still do it often! Maybe not 3 times a day, but always at least once or twice a week. I don't feel that I NEED to impress him, because he constantly tells me I should "let myself go." LOL. Yea right! I could not do that, but only because I feel good when I'm all prettied up because that's what makes me feel like me the most. I'm not talking lots of makeup or anything, but I love my dresses and sexy clothing! That's for me because I feel nice. I know he's going to be happy with anything I wear. Strange and it's taken me 5 years to even believe that he really thinks I'm still as great looking in my big Saliva T-shirt. Do I think or feel sexy or fantastic wearing nothing but that ugly shirt with hair everywhere? NO! Lol. He tells me I'm just as attractive that way and maybe it's true that he loves me that much and I really appreciate that I have that. However, I still try to impress him as much as I did (probably MORE!) when we first started seeing each other. I think maybe I get ideas in my head when I hear people or read about how men lose interest, women MUST keeping trying harder and harder each year or he's a goner. I think I've let those words sink in far too much! I cut myself off from that sort of advice though and try to just listen to how HE feels. I think deep down I know that even if I started wearing jeans and shirts everyday, nothing would change. I have my spells where I'll stick with plain old jeans for a week straight and he doesn't act any different. No I don't think women should have to adopt this "keep him interested" pressure. That is not what marriage/relationships are about. No siree.

I guess I have a lot to say on the subject. Lol. In shorter words though, I don't think it's the woman's fault. I say all women should have a man who says "I'm happy and just as attracted to you whether your naked and sexy or greasy and wearing work clothes." I mean face it, we do have a LOT of pressure when it comes to looks. I think we should give ourselves a break. Easier said than done! We should all be allowed to be comfortable, leave off the makeup and wear an ugly T-shirt without being made to feel ugly. When you love someone oh-so much, it's so far beyond looking like hell. At least, we're blessed enough to feel that way anyhow.

As for lowered sex drive. I'm not sure. There are so many reasons. Being belittled/critisized about your body, age, meds, stress, not feeling good enough and believe it or not, MOST women's terribly low sex drive stems from their partner being attracted to others. If my partner was ever attracted to someone else, no way in hell I'd feel like having sex! Of course that's not the only cause. My partner just turned 25 and I just turned 22 and I feel that my sex drive is pretty equal to his. Anytime I'm up for it, he's ready! I always tell him that I hear men will have a decrease in sex drive around his age or a little older and I'll still be young and wanting to do it! Lol. He swears he could never not jump at any chance for sex. I sure hope it stays that way. We're not THAT far away in age diff. though. He still does special things for me and even after nearly 6 years he still tells me "I only have eyes for you" and all those things that guys say in the beginning. That helps too. When men stop trying to show care and affection, women tend to worry (some of us) and that could cause them to not be totally ecstatic about sex anymore.
04/05/2012
Contributor: Ghost Ghost
I have been with my partner for four years, and we rarely have sex. This is mainly due to my lack of a sex drive while on birth control, and health problems.
04/05/2012