Do you think cheating is forgivable and a relationship can recover?

IvyFayette IvyFayette
I've been in many relationships where I was cheated on and forgave the person but was unable to recommit to them when the feelings of betrayal made me suspicious of their every action. Some say "Once a cheater always a cheater" while others say "forgive and forget. How do you feel?
Answers (private voting - your screen name will NOT appear in the results):
Yes.
7  (9%)
No way!
23  (31%)
Depends on the situation...
39  (52%)
Other... Explain below.
6  (8%)
Total votes: 75
Poll is closed
01/04/2013
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PropertyOfPotter PropertyOfPotter
I couldn't do it. I would never be able to regain the trust necessary to have a healthy relationship with that person again. I'm sure that there are some people that could overcome it truly, but I never could. Not that I believe 'once a cheater, always a cheater', but I would always worry and it would never be the same again.
01/04/2013
TheDP TheDP
So much better to talk about these things and decide if another person is a good idea. Might turn out that you both like it.
01/04/2013
comatose-kitty comatose-kitty
Nope. Not to me it's not
01/04/2013
panthercat23 panthercat23
I wouldn't be able to trust them again.
01/04/2013
Ryuson Ryuson
I couldn't do it, but I feel like others might be able to.
01/04/2013
indiglo indiglo
Cheating can be forgiven, and relationships can recover from it. Nothing is entirely black & white.

Does that mean that people will always be able to forgive and move on? No. Does that mean that people should always forgive and move on? No.

Forgiveness is a choice that we can make at any time, and then choose to risk trusting the person again. It's up to us if we think it's the right choice for us in a particular instance.

This just isn't a black & white issue to me. To me it would totally depend on how it happened, why it happened, how frequently it happened, etc.
01/04/2013
MK434 MK434
No,notfor me I would never be able to forgive so that would be the end for me!
01/04/2013
wrecklesswords wrecklesswords
I am really not certain. I want to say it would depend on the situation, but all I can think is how hurt I would be if she cheated on me. And how hurt she would be if I cheated on her.

She and I have entered the serious relationship stage and I just... I can't imagine it.

If it was just a kiss, I could forgive it. I still see that as cheating, but I think I could forgive for that and I would hope she could forgive me for it too if I were the offender.

But if it was sex... especially on multiple occasions and other feelings started to get involved... there would be no forgiveness. At least not for a long time.
01/04/2013
shorejen9 shorejen9
I am of the once a cheater always a cheater opinion for most cases. In my experience, if you cheat there is a reason and its best to just move on.
01/04/2013
Cat E. Cat E.
It definitely depends on the situation.
01/04/2013
HarlequinBunnie HarlequinBunnie
Quote:
Originally posted by IvyFayette
I've been in many relationships where I was cheated on and forgave the person but was unable to recommit to them when the feelings of betrayal made me suspicious of their every action. Some say "Once a cheater always a cheater" while ... More
Years ago something happened between me and a roommate while my husband was at work. As soon as he got home I told him that we needed to go for a walk so we could talk. I told him what had happened and he was upset but not with me. He confronted our roommate who blamed me for everything. We are not friends with that person anymore and thank goodness my husband believed me. We hit a point of crisis and worked through it but I felt guilty for a long time over something that wasn't my fault. When someone is under the influence of a drug that they were unaware of taking, I don't think that person should be unforgivable.
01/04/2013
married with children married with children
I dont feel it is. Once someone cheats, they will always be drawn to doing it again.
01/04/2013
nickymarchetta nickymarchetta
if he tells me about it and is truly sorry and willing to work it out with professional help and is willing to work to earn my trust again then yes it can be fixed
01/04/2013
Geogeo Geogeo
Quote:
Originally posted by IvyFayette
I've been in many relationships where I was cheated on and forgave the person but was unable to recommit to them when the feelings of betrayal made me suspicious of their every action. Some say "Once a cheater always a cheater" while ... More
depends on the people and situation. a drunken mistake night is way different than a long-term ongoing secret affair
01/04/2013
sexxxkitten sexxxkitten
I couldn't, but others could maybe move on from it.
01/04/2013
edeneve edeneve
if you can forgive, good luck. but don't ever forget. once trust is broken, it's very difficult to rebuild if at all.
01/04/2013
Incendiaire Incendiaire
I believe in second chances, but there would have to be something especially extra ordinary about the circumstances to make me consider giving that second chance.
01/04/2013
MsDrProfKitty MsDrProfKitty
I have been cheated on before and tried to forgive but I was never able to really forgive them. I believe that once a cheater always a cheater. Staying with that person is disrespectful to yourself in my opinion.
01/04/2013
Marie Hanna Marie Hanna
It really depends. If they were having a whole other relationship then stay far away.
01/04/2013
Martiniman Martiniman
This is so a "depends" question. How long we're they cheating on you? One lover or many? Just so many questions to ask and it's also very personal. I can see forgiving and forgetting, and I can also see leaving that person immediately.
01/04/2013
Lioncub Lioncub
In my book once a cheater, always a cheater.
01/04/2013
damnbul12 damnbul12
Quote:
Originally posted by IvyFayette
I've been in many relationships where I was cheated on and forgave the person but was unable to recommit to them when the feelings of betrayal made me suspicious of their every action. Some say "Once a cheater always a cheater" while ... More
Depends on the situation.
01/04/2013
Awux Awux
I personally couldn't.....
01/04/2013
Cinnyree Cinnyree
i dont trust anyone to begin with so being cheated on is just an "of course"

btw ive never been cheated on to my knowledge
01/04/2013
MrWishyWashy MrWishyWashy
It would be a deal breaker for me.
01/04/2013
Supervixen Supervixen
Wow. I'm in the minority here.

My answer is yes, it can be forgivable, and that depends very much on the person and circumstances. Sometimes, in really long term relationships where communication has broken down and the relationship has deteriorated, affairs happen. People always say, "well, if you're going to cheat, then you should fix your primary relationship or leave them!" Well, that's not simple at all. When you factor in things like finances, kids, living situations, and just basic human nature, you can rarely boil it down to something so simple. People aren't simple, and neither are relationships. Things that sound good when you say them, or like the moral highroad that we'd all like to take, are a different thing altogether when it comes to actually implementing them.

Relationships can come back from cheating, but it depends on the people involved and the circumstances---always . It also depends on how you go about repairing what has been damaged, because it usually takes a lot of patience, empathy, understanding, and a really good counselor. I think that cheating is often a symptom of a sick relationship, rarely the cause of what went wrong.

But for some people, it's a deal breaker, which is understandable. Trust is huge in a relationship, and once it's been violated, the person who has to try to trust again will often be haunted by what happened, insecure, and scared that they'll get hurt again once they let their guard down. Sometimes time heals wounds, and sometimes separation. Sometimes the damage is irreparable. There are just too many variables. But I still said yes, because I like to try to be an optimist...even though most things in life are not yes or no questions and depend on all kinds of things.
01/05/2013
Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
Quote:
Originally posted by IvyFayette
I've been in many relationships where I was cheated on and forgave the person but was unable to recommit to them when the feelings of betrayal made me suspicious of their every action. Some say "Once a cheater always a cheater" while ... More
Sigel and I are living proof that with a lot of hard work, soul searching and time it is possible to learn to trust each other again. It's not easy but if both of you are committed to making it work you can succeed.
01/05/2013
Beautiful-Disaster Beautiful-Disaster
i don't know to be honest.. i'm a very jealous person. so i'd flip out... & if i were to stay with that person, i would never forget it & i'm sure with every argument i'd mention it...
01/05/2013
Supervixen Supervixen
Quote:
Originally posted by Lioncub
In my book once a cheater, always a cheater.
That's like saying, "once a liar, always a liar." Well, technically, I guess that's true. Once you've done that thing, then you get the label. But that doesn't mean that cheating is a part of someone's pattern all the time when they do cheat, just like lying isn't always the pattern of a person who told a lie. There are serial cheaters, and there are notorious liars. But We ALL are capable of lying, and under the right circumstances, we are all capable of cheating. But the circumstances are what the issue is, not what is inherent in the person's behavior, anymore than anything else that is human nature. Don't put your SO on a pedestal; they are human, just like you, and like all of us humans, they make mistakes. Most people who cheat or who have been the other woman/man don't expect that they would ever be in that situation. It's something that sneaks up on most people, and most of us have a hard time being honest enough to say, "well, I'm capable of doing this really awful thing that could hurt so many people..." but, well...don't put yourself on a pedestal, either. It makes falling from it so much harder and much more painful.

I personally wish our culture tried to understand infidelity in a much more human light, and didn't vilify it to the degree that it does. Yes, it's awful, yes, it's selfish, and yes, you are responsible for your own choices and actions, and you need to be held accountable for them and to deal with the consequences. But people don't need to to be branded with a scarlet letter every time. Most people don't even bother to understand the circumstances before they judge, and most of them act like they're a lot better than that person when in reality...I don't think that infidelity is all that uncommon, unnatural, or beyond humanity. It should be looked down upon, but I get the feeling that some relationships could be salvaged from infidelity, if our culture didn't feed us so much about how awful the people are who commit it, when in reality...most of them are just normal people.
01/05/2013
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Total posts: 57
Unique posters: 54