Do you think cheating is forgivable and a relationship can recover?

Contributor: deltalima deltalima
Quote:
Originally posted by IvyFayette
I've been in many relationships where I was cheated on and forgave the person but was unable to recommit to them when the feelings of betrayal made me suspicious of their every action. Some say "Once a cheater always a cheater" while ... more
I couldn't forgive it. I can forget it and move on though.
01/05/2013
Contributor: Inkkythesquid Inkkythesquid
Depends. I've Tried It, But It Never Worked Out In The Past. With My Current Partner, I've Caught Him "Text Cheating" And It Did Wear On My Trust A Lot, But I'm Still With Him And We're Going Strong.
01/05/2013
Contributor: solitudinarian solitudinarian
Yes. I don't think that everyone is willing or able to move on from such a thing, but it can be done.

I try to have an open mind about recovering a relationship after cheating because as a child of divorce, I know the effects it can have on families. I understand that infidelity is rather common, and I'd hate for a long-term relationship go down the drain because I or my partner didn't even try to work things out. Monogamy is an ideal that is tough to live by. All of this said, I think that it does depend on the situation somewhat. A one night stand would be easier for me to forgive than something ongoing.
01/05/2013
Contributor: RedGlitter RedGlitter
I would never trust him again...
01/05/2013
Contributor: TheirPet TheirPet
I can forgive but I don't forget. I don't think it would be possible.
01/05/2013
Contributor: Gunsmoke Gunsmoke
Quote:
Originally posted by TheirPet
I can forgive but I don't forget. I don't think it would be possible.
That is really a good way to look at it. Carrying a grudge damages you - so you need to forgive - and move on.
01/05/2013
Contributor: tortilla tortilla
depends on the situation
01/06/2013
Contributor: BlooJay BlooJay
Depends on the situation.
01/07/2013
Contributor: Raymaker Raymaker
It's not so much about the RELATIONSHIP recovering as it is about the trust of both parties recovering after figuring out what caused the infidelity. Even if all misunderstandings have been aired and unfulfilled needs have been addressed, if one party in the relationship doesn't has it in them to forgive, then that relationship will promptly crach and burn. Not to their own fault, but it simply will as a matter of fact.
01/07/2013
Contributor: bayosgirl bayosgirl
My husband has lied to me about financial things before, and THAT was painful enough, let alone the ultimate betrayal of cheating. I would not be able to stay in a relationship with someone who cheated, even once.
01/17/2013
Contributor: burtnuh burtnuh
I really wanted to vote no way, but I couldn't. When my boyfriend and I got together he was talking to a girl in a way that upset me. He never actually saw her or did anything with her, but he was talking to her the same way he talked to me, and it really hurt. We were really young though, and I gave him a second chance.

I think if it happened now though, I wouldn't give him another chance, because I think that if you let someone get away with those kinds of things they'll keep doing them. Plus it makes me doubt that person, and even know I sometimes feel like maybe he could be doing it again, even though I know that is silly.

I think cheating puts a lot of extra stress on a relationship and it's something that is always going to be in the back of someones mind, so I would say no way, but again I can't because I did forgive him.
01/17/2013
Contributor: Wicked Wahine Wicked Wahine
Quote:
Originally posted by indiglo
Cheating can be forgiven, and relationships can recover from it. Nothing is entirely black & white.

Does that mean that people will always be able to forgive and move on? No. Does that mean that people should always forgive and move on? ... more
Well said!

Personally, cheating is a deal breaker & I would treat it the same as I would any other abuse such as physical violence -- no tolerance, no discussion, no forgiveness, goodbye! No one who does that to me is worth more than my self respect.

That is MY personality, but I think there is no reason others cannot maintain their relationship if they so choose. I don't think this is a one size fits all situation.
01/17/2013
Contributor: Wicked Wahine Wicked Wahine
Quote:
Originally posted by Supervixen
That's like saying, "once a liar, always a liar." Well, technically, I guess that's true. Once you've done that thing, then you get the label. But that doesn't mean that cheating is a part of someone's pattern all the ... more
What a thoughtful reply - thank you!

I think the key is knowing yourself well enough to make the right choice for you. I know how I'd react & no one who knows me would be surprised.

But I agree, this vilification of the 'cheater' is ridiculous. If you're not in that relationship, why do you care? Who are you to judge when you don't know the circumstances of a PRIVATE relationship. Curiosity about others' relationships is natural. You can feel sorry for someone or be upset with whomever hurt them without getting involved.

But I think you're right that it goes beyond that in our society. There's a feeling of moral superiority and an assumption that one would NEVER fall so low. Infidelity is just part of the human condition. Figure out what's good for you & deal with it as best you can.

I wish the media would stop the witch hunts! I guess we're still suffering from the lingering influence of our country's puritanical past.
01/17/2013
Contributor: PeaceToTheMiddleEast PeaceToTheMiddleEast
Nope been there done that and was cheated on again.
01/17/2013
Contributor: Feisty Feisty
Depends on the situation.
01/17/2013
Contributor: atryonix atryonix
Sometimes
01/17/2013
Contributor: cowgirl1130 cowgirl1130
how would you ever trust the person again? i couldnt do it
01/18/2013
Contributor: Becky Lee Becky Lee
it depends
01/18/2013
Contributor: KinkyNicki92 KinkyNicki92
in my eyes, if you think you had the balls to do it, your stupid ass might try it a second time.. its unforgiveable.
01/21/2013
Contributor: Wicked Wahine Wicked Wahine
Quote:
Originally posted by KinkyNicki92
in my eyes, if you think you had the balls to do it, your stupid ass might try it a second time.. its unforgiveable.
Well said!
01/21/2013
Contributor: falalena falalena
Quote:
Originally posted by IvyFayette
I've been in many relationships where I was cheated on and forgave the person but was unable to recommit to them when the feelings of betrayal made me suspicious of their every action. Some say "Once a cheater always a cheater" while ... more
while it is possible that it could depend on the situation, i would say 99% of the time it is a big fat no.
01/22/2013
Contributor: Nickki Hard Nickki Hard
I go by the fool me once shame on you fool me twice shame on me. My ex-husband cheated on me twice. I forgave him the first time we had kids, and there was some medical reasons behind it so we got over, and past it. The second time HELL NO he was out the door I was done, done, done.
01/22/2013
Contributor: BrittaniMaree BrittaniMaree
Depends on the situation...
01/22/2013
Contributor: Cynthia Jordan Cynthia Jordan
Quote:
Originally posted by Supervixen
That's like saying, "once a liar, always a liar." Well, technically, I guess that's true. Once you've done that thing, then you get the label. But that doesn't mean that cheating is a part of someone's pattern all the ... more
yes if you are truly in love
01/22/2013
Contributor: nova2014 nova2014
I feel like it's a once a cheater always a cheater situation, I mean if it's happened once who can say it won't happen again, I'd be so paranoid I don't know if it would be worth it to stay with them, maybe you can forgive them but I can't, I feel like it'd be such a disrespectful slap in the face if my significant other cheated on me
01/22/2013
Contributor: xscorpiox xscorpiox
depends i guess
01/22/2013
Contributor: Gdom Gdom
Fortunately, I've never had to deal with the situation, so I'm not sure exactly how'd I'd react. My gut instinct is to say that I'd break it off--deception, especially something of that magnitude, is absolutely repulsive to me--but I'm not sure if I'd have the fortitude to through with that if it was someone I truly cared about...
01/22/2013