Do you think it is okay to say you are married if you have been in a relationship ship for several years but not legally married? pretty much the common law thing is what I mean.

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Do you think it is okay to say you are married if you have been in a relationship ship for several years but not legally married? pretty much the common law thing is what I mean.

BrittaniMaree BrittaniMaree
been with mine 10 years now and people call me his wife but I say were not married because we aren't wondering about others
Answers (private voting - your screen name will NOT appear in the results):
believe in the common law
27  (53%)
nope your not married legally
21  (41%)
other
3  (6%)
Total votes: 51
Poll is closed
12/28/2012
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Chilipepper Chilipepper
At some point you're emotionally married, anyway. My parents have done the same thing - married, had my brother and me, divorced, married other people, divorced those other people, got back together ... It's been 17 years since they got back together but never remarried, yet they introduce and refer to each other as husband and wife anyway. It's all emotional.

Granted, the legalizing gives you rights related to health and all that, but that's up to you guys. What you have now is a state of mind more than anything else.

As an aside, most states don't recognize common law marriage.
12/28/2012
Gone (LD29) Gone (LD29)
I chose no, because I don't really view a couple as married unless they've made the conscious decision to actually get married. My husband and I have been together as a couple for a little over 15 years, but we've only been married for 5.

Now, as far as common law is concerned, there are legal rights you may have depending on what state you live in. I did some research a while back (before we were married) and it seemed that people mostly invoked common law marriage in instances where one of the parties passed away and the other was looking for survivors rights. In most states, when you die all of your assets automatically pass to your spouse unless willed otherwise.

In the state we lived in at the time, there were other criteria beyond having lived together for a long time. If I recall correctly, to be considered married under common law you also had to prove that you generally lived as a married couple (filed joint tax returns, had joint bank accounts, used the same last name, etc.). It was complicated and convoluted, and really amounted to trying to prove something after the fact.
12/28/2012
Beck Beck
I believe in common law, but I know it's only legally in place in a few states. You'd have to check your state. If you want to view your status as married...that is fine by me.
12/28/2012
Sera26 Sera26
I think it's fine if that's what the two of you believe. I had an uncle who was common law married and I definitely considered her my aunt.
12/28/2012
js250 js250
The state I live in recognizes common law marriages. I believe there are two forms of marriage. 1-Emotional and consentual:both parties agree to the marriage without a ceremony and live as husband and wife over a long period of time. and 2-Ceremonial or legal-a wedding was performed by a preacher or judge.
12/28/2012
jr2012 jr2012
well, since I choose not to get married for a certain set of reasons....I don't like the idea of calling myself "married". I say it's up to your set of beliefs!

However, I have found myself calling my SO's parents "mother in law" and "father in law" just to simplify things.
12/28/2012
ValerieRayne ValerieRayne
I chose other. In Alberta (where I live), you are considered common law if you've lived together consecutively for 90 days. Legally speaking, The Boyfriend and I are common law.

At his work, they all know me as his wife and when talking to him, our families call me his wife. I put up with it because frankly, it's just a word. It means nothing more or less than everyone calling me his girlfriend.

However, I downright refuse to let him call me his wife to my face and often when anyone says I'm his wife, I will stick up my exasperated and exclaim "Ain't nobody put any ring on this finger!".

So I don't really have specific thoughts on this...
12/28/2012
PDXlady PDXlady
Sure why not. You can call your relationship whatever you want. It is YOUR relationship after all I don't refer to me and my partner as married but other people do all the time(we've been together for 5 years now). His dad calls me the wife all the time and my friends call him my husband.
12/28/2012
hem hem
I think it depends on you and your partner's/partners' agreement! It wouldn't be good to say you're married in a case where your legal standing matters, but I think this was mostly aimed at social cases.
12/28/2012
MasqueVivi MasqueVivi
It's probably a little bit of an anarchist streak in me coming out, but I really think that legal institutions have little bearing on the validation of a longstanding relationship if both partners are already mutually agreeable to calling each other their spouse anyway.

So yeah, I generally recognize longterm cohabitating couples are married for all practical purposes.
12/28/2012
Incendiaire Incendiaire
I don't see why you'd want to use the terminology if you haven't actually gone through with it. Usually people who haven't done it after a long time have some objection to the institution, and if you would like to get it done it only takes 10 minutes in front of a registrar.
12/28/2012
Skindiver Skindiver
Quote:
Originally posted by BrittaniMaree
been with mine 10 years now and people call me his wife but I say were not married because we aren't wondering about others
I think it would be misleading to say you are married unless you do in fact (i.e. not just as a manner of speaking) have a common-law marriage, which seems unlikely.
12/30/2012
comatose-kitty comatose-kitty
I don't think it counts
12/30/2012
ARPKasso ARPKasso
I checked no, but I think it depends. If where you are accepts common-law marriages then sure, but everywhere else no.
12/31/2012
GONE! GONE!
Quote:
Originally posted by Chilipepper
At some point you're emotionally married, anyway. My parents have done the same thing - married, had my brother and me, divorced, married other people, divorced those other people, got back together ... It's been 17 years since they got back ...
I agree with this. Plus LGBT couples can't get legally married in many places so what should they say? I think if a couple is so close and has been together so long that everyone knows they're permanently off the market... They should call themselves how they feel.
12/31/2012
gsfanatic gsfanatic
I'd say it depends. For legal stuff, that's going to vary by state. Emotionally, it's really what you and your partner consider yourselves to be
12/31/2012
IvyFayette IvyFayette
For me, marriage is a huge commitment that until you sign the papers your not. Just living together is like the easy way in case things get tough. With the binding documents you can't just walk away. I believe marriage shouldn't just be for heterosexual couples but I do believe it should be monogamous.
01/01/2013
EmuLove EmuLove
I congratulate any couple that has been together for more than 5 years these days. People think of others as they think of material objects now; if they are bored with it or it seems broken just get rid of it and find a new one. A real relationship is when two people can live together through the lulls and crappy times without saying "I want a new one". I find that the ultimate belief in a relationship is when both decide to be legally bound together and continue to make it work.

Congrats on 10 years but marriage is a whole new playing field compared to just being together. Its like the rules change.

Either way you made it past 5 years together and according to the current statistics is an accomplishment!
01/01/2013
atryonix atryonix
I believe in it
01/01/2013
ImaGodiva ImaGodiva
I would follow the law in the state where you live - not married unless the state's "common law" applies to you, in which case he is your "common law husband." Some states don't recognize common law marriage and others have different lengths of time before it applies.q
01/02/2013
ahammer ahammer
Read up on the history of marriage license in the us. Hint its racist in origin.

link

No one besides the party's involved should be able to decide who should be in a relationship with who.
01/02/2013
Hermosura21 Hermosura21
Quote:
Originally posted by EmuLove
I congratulate any couple that has been together for more than 5 years these days. People think of others as they think of material objects now; if they are bored with it or it seems broken just get rid of it and find a new one. A real relationship ...
I so.agree with u on thag.me and my husband.have together for.,5. Yrs and have been througb.alot.but we didnt just gjve up on.each other.we.fought.to.sta y together and that is.true.it is a different game.being.married.to just being.together
01/03/2013
Winifred Winifred
Yeah, it pretty much is marriage at that point unless you're just against the term.
01/03/2013
nickymarchetta nickymarchetta
yes i believe you are married because its whats in your heart that counts not whats on paper. same goes for people who are married but cheating on each other and not sleeping in the same bed and not wanting help just stayin together for looks or kids in their hearts they are not committed so i feel that means they left their vows and are no longer married
01/04/2013
edeneve edeneve
common law no longer exists in California.
01/04/2013
Supervixen Supervixen
Personally, I don't think that it's quite the same thing, though I've been in a long term relationship where people thought it was like we were married, but I'd never wanted us to be referred to as husband and wife. And there is something about the actual conscious decision to make that leap into marriage. I'm a bit more old fashioned in this regard, and something more of a stickler for what is one thing is not necessarily another thing, just because we want it to be considered as such. Marriage is marriage. That's not to say that I look down on common law (I was in that relationship for nearly 8 years, so I'm not judging anyone, here), I just think that it's a similar, but different kind of relationship.
01/04/2013
JennSenn JennSenn
I believe in common law, but I still think it's up to the people involved and how they consider themselves.
01/04/2013
Rraine Rraine
I believe in common law.
01/04/2013
LavenderSkies LavenderSkies
Quote:
Originally posted by BrittaniMaree
been with mine 10 years now and people call me his wife but I say were not married because we aren't wondering about others
I personally wouldn't say it, because it's not legal marriage.
01/05/2013
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Total posts: 33
Unique posters: 33