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Recently I found out that my boyfriend and one of my close friends are seceretly talking to eachother, neither of them decided to tell me of this until my man slipped up and i caught on. I decided to confront my friend and she admited they had been
Recently I found out that my boyfriend and one of my close friends are seceretly talking to eachother, neither of them decided to tell me of this until my man slipped up and i caught on. I decided to confront my friend and she admited they had been talking for a couple of months, she says she has no interest in him, in that way.. although i find it hard to believe since she didn't tell me outright. Of course this upset me, since he and i have a stressed relationship he works all the time and sometimes i only see him once a month due to his twelve hour shifts and odd sleep patterns. Had this been any other man i'd boot him, but i love him . What would you do? i'd appriciate your advice and time
Oh wow. Looks like you're in a very tough situation.
I'd be highly pissed. The thing is, my boyfriend and I have been together for 5 years and are very close & we both have most of the same beliefs when it comes to what is "faithful" and what we think isn't good in a relationship. We kind of sort things out this way:
1. How would I feel if the situation was reversed? If the answer is "I'd feel unhappy, mad, uncomfortable. Then we totally steer clear from it.
2. When it comes to putting yourself in a position where things could happen. I don't mean you could get out of control & sleep with someone else. I mean putting yourself in a position where someone would have a perfect chance to come onto you. Such as, in a bedroom alone with someone other than your partner, going to a party without partner, etc. We both do not put ourselves in any position like that. It seems tough, but it's actually not. If you have no intentions on cheating, then you won't miss out by not putting yourself in an awkward/bad position.
Some people may not like those kind of agreements in relationships, but that's what were comfortable with.
I think you should establish your comfort zones & your UNcomfortable zones and discuss them with your partner.
Given the 2 "rules" my partner & I like to go by, I would clearly be very upset & hurt if he was talking to my friend behind my back. You see, I'm a very paranoid person & I would always wonder is there a reason they kept it from me?
However, it may have been innocent. I would keep an eye out if it does make you uncomfortable. & if he truly loves you, then he would not want to make you feel uncomfortable again.
Sometimes it's just a matter of letting your partner know what you're ok with and what you're not ok with. I've found that when we go over things that we are not comfortable with, it really helps us avoid situations in the future!
I would tell him you are not happy about it & if it happens again, get rid of him. Anyone who can't respect your wishes is not worth your love. That's only my opinion though.
Best wishes with your dealing with this! I know how tough it must be.