He Left Me for Cheating. What Do I Do To Get Him Back?

SaraBroughman SaraBroughman
Help!
Answers (public voting - your screen name will appear in the results):
Let him come to you.
Gone (LD29) , spiced , Genderfree , Wicked Wahine , spunkmonkey , Gunsmoke , novanilla , Lady of the Lab , KrissyNovacaine , padmeamidala , lillmiss5054 , Etonia , twelve13 , TransMarc
14
Keep trying.
Ayogirl230
1
Be the girl you once were.
Ayogirl230
1
Make him fall in love with you again.
Ayogirl230
1
Stay his friend, slowly regain his trust.
Gone (LD29) , Loriandhubby , Herzer , never shy , Haito , PeaceToTheMiddleEast , melliegirl , Femme Mystique , charmedtomeetyou , melissa1973 , Wicked Wahine , noway , Pia Jouet , bayosgirl , Noelle , Pete's Princess , novanilla , nova2014 , Lady of the Lab , Zombirella , Dixiemomma , angel42539 , Beautiful-Disaster , Silvervines , Etonia , TiffanyW , KinkyKatieJames , karenm , Ayogirl230 , icyqueen , TransMarc
31
Tell me what you think, guys, please, I dont know what else to do. I even took a relationship class and he's still distant.
kendra30752 , *Camoprincess* , edeneve , Hallmar82 , dancingduo
5
Total votes: 53 (44 voters)
Poll is closed
03/18/2013
  • Better Price Sale - Save 50%
  • Better Price Sale - Save 70%
  • Better Price Sale - Save 60%
  • Better Price - Save 40%
  • Try a luxury harness with a dildo and save 45% on a kit!
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
All promotions
Gone (LD29) Gone (LD29)
Try to stay his friend, be honest about where you want to go from here, but don't push too hard.

As a side note, when I read the title of your post I originally thought you were looking for revenge rather than trying to save your relationship. Same words, different meaning and all.
03/18/2013
PropertyOfPotter PropertyOfPotter
Last I heard you two were broken up? And it was a positive change for you? Now I'm really confused!
03/18/2013
Loriandhubby Loriandhubby
this is a hard one. follow your heart.
03/18/2013
js250 js250
Relationship Based On cheating article for Sexis: link

I cheated as well, but differently from your situation--I cheated with the man that I eventually married. When you cheat, it destroys a lot of the relationship. I realize my situation is way different form yours--but the hurt in everyone is still the same. Maybe my story will help you.

My ex wanted me back immediately, so it is definitely different situation. I do not know if you can get your partner back, once burned and betrayed... I do know that situations like this allows you to look at yourself in the mirror very closely and figure out if this is the person you really want to be--if not, then you have a lot of work to change to be the person you want to see in the mirror.

I am not trying to be harsh or mean!! I just understand from being in that position and can relate to your future--however you decide to live it. Big hugs...my heart goes out to you but also to your partner. There must have already been issues for the cheating to be an option.
03/18/2013
never shy never shy
Be the person he fell in love with be there as a friend he can trust so he can see why you were together in the first place
03/18/2013
Chilipepper Chilipepper
From what I understand of what you posted about your situation before the break up, Cody didn't want you to do the sugar baby thing, and you went ahead and did it behind his back, so he broke up with you for deceiving him.

Cody has already decided that he will not accept you being a sugar baby if you two are to have a permanent relationship together - that means no going behind his back again, because he obviously found out the last time. You have to decide if you want to give up that lifestyle to be with him. Is he worth giving it up?

If you do decide that you'd rather be with him, then you have to give him a few weeks of space first. Then you can contact him and simply tell him that you had done some soul searching and decided that he was more important than the money. You'll have to earn his trust again if he gives you another chance. It won't be quick or easy. It's something that requires a lot of time and patience. And you'll also have to completely give up being a sugar baby to prove that you're serious.

Good luck.
03/18/2013
Haito Haito
I don't know the specifics of the situation at all, but my one rule in dating monogomously is that the relationship remains monogomous throughout! I can handle dishonesty to a point, so long it isn't habitual, but the act of stepping out under any circumstance is the same to me as just leaving me. I was cheated on and left twice on two seperate deployments and those circumstances were pretty extreme. I've since repaired a friendship with one of the girls, but partly because we live on opposite sides of the world now. It's a pretty difficult betrayal to get over and to say the least, it takes time. All the trust previously built will have to be rebuilt and you'll have to have a thick skin going back into the relationship if allowed back in at all. Part of the coping process for something like that does involve lashing out. I might be hyper-sensitive to this particular subject as I'm a product of a divorced household split apart because of infidelity. I hope for the best for you, though.
03/18/2013
spiced spiced
My advice would be to let him come to you. Better yet, just learn from the experience, move on and don't ever cheat again. But really, it depends on the specifics of your relationship.

My first girlfriend cheated on me; because it was mainly revenge for my having cheated on her, we took the time to work things out and stayed together for a while longer. We were just kids, with no real clue how much that kind of betrayal hurts the other person.

But the one girlfriend who cheated on me out of the blue, I cut ties with her as soon as I found out, and nothing could have persuaded me to trust her again. She did try to patch things up with me, but I just treated her as a friend with benefits — with the emphasis on the benefits, not the friendship.
03/18/2013
kendra30752 kendra30752
Quote:
Originally posted by SaraBroughman
Help!
You don't. Sorry. In my opinion though, you just keep your distance and see what he decides. It's such a complicated thing and you don't want to go changing who you are or ending up doing things just to get him back. I'd just hate to see you hurting all over again.

Really, all you can do is probably wait. You can't really "make him fall in love again." Chances are, if he loved you, he still does but is hurting.
03/18/2013
Genderfree Genderfree
I say let him come to you. When someone is hurt, they may not want to have those memories of being hurt when you are near. He needs distance for now, and I say give him his space until he is ready to be friends or date again. "pushing" him to be in a relationship with you again is not going to help.
03/18/2013
ShadowedSeductress ShadowedSeductress
Quote:
Originally posted by Chilipepper
From what I understand of what you posted about your situation before the break up, Cody didn't want you to do the sugar baby thing, and you went ahead and did it behind his back, so he broke up with you for deceiving him.

Cody has already ... More
I agree with Chilipepper. He wasn't okay with you being a sugar baby, but you wanted to do it anyway. Then you cheated? I am confused because after you two broke up you sort of made it seem out of the blue and for no reason.

It will take a while to get him to trust you again, that's assuming he wants to try again. You're going to have to show him things can be different. Being engaged is a serious thing. It's best not to try again if you don't want to make some changes.
03/18/2013
*Camoprincess* *Camoprincess*
I have to agree with Chilipepper on this one as well you went behind his back and cheated on him. You have a lot to prove to Cody if you want him back but he may not ever take you back. Good luck with the situation
03/18/2013
noway noway
Move on
03/19/2013
Gunsmoke Gunsmoke
Quote:
Originally posted by noway
Move on
Agreed - move on. At 20 you are way too young to fret about this. Learn from your mistakes and don't repeat them.
03/19/2013
Pete's Princess Pete's Princess
There are reasons that people cheat and it generally has little to do with the person they are cheating with. No one can "steal" you away, you get up and go with them. What made you want to cheat and what made you actually go through with it? People in really great relationships for them do not cheat. Was it something missing within yourself or in your relationship or in your partner? Until you find out what that was, you can go back but you will likely fall into the same behavior at a later date. Also, do you really want that person back or are you looking at them through Rose colored glasses? Sometimes we only remember the good things.

If you fix what was wrong, things it can work. You will have to work long and hard to rebuild their trust. You will also need to do be sure that no one can even suggest you are being inappropriate in the future.
03/20/2013
SaraBroughman SaraBroughman
Quote:
Originally posted by Chilipepper
From what I understand of what you posted about your situation before the break up, Cody didn't want you to do the sugar baby thing, and you went ahead and did it behind his back, so he broke up with you for deceiving him.

Cody has already ... More
That's a really good idea Chilipepper. I dont want to do it anymore, I had told him it was mainly for attention anyway, that I'd rather have had his. He worked a lot, right now he's lost both his jobs, so he's alone and thinking alot now.

A few weeks is a good idea. We've been texting and talking, even facebooking a bit, and we're still friends. I think the comments about staying his friend and regaining his trust are a great idea.

I have completely given it up, I dont want to be a prostitute or live that kind of life, not that sb's are prostitutes, but people think they are sometimes, and sometimes they can be. I love Cody, I want him to come when he's ready.

He's already said that in time, if I reallly get my act together, he'll consider coming back. That's after a week of him saying he hated me, he even blocked me on facebook!

I think what he craves most of all is for me to respect him, and to give him space and time. To be patient with his needs.
03/22/2013
SaraBroughman SaraBroughman
Quote:
Originally posted by Pete's Princess
There are reasons that people cheat and it generally has little to do with the person they are cheating with. No one can "steal" you away, you get up and go with them. What made you want to cheat and what made you actually go through ... More
We had a lot of issues. I lost my child, I just got out of jail and a nasty divorce, and my ex husband is still refusing to let me see my daughter.

I used online cheating as a coping skill. I was also raped when I was 15 and since then I have always told myself sex was all I wass good for.

That doesn't mean Cody deserved to be disrespected this way. At all~ You are so right, and you have some super good points.

I had looked at him through rose coloured glasses before, because I love him, but I've realized that isn't why I want to go back home. I want to go back because I genuinely believe he is the love of my life.

I will work as long as I have to. I want us to work eventually. I talked to a friend last night who still loves the ex that cheated on her after 5 months of being separated! And now they might just get back together again.

Thanks everyone for the advice, comments, and honesty. You aren't telling me what I want to hear, you're telling me what I need to hear. And that makes you genuinely good friends.
03/22/2013
KrissyNovacaine KrissyNovacaine
Quote:
Originally posted by kendra30752
You don't. Sorry. In my opinion though, you just keep your distance and see what he decides. It's such a complicated thing and you don't want to go changing who you are or ending up doing things just to get him back. I'd just hate to ... More
I totally agree. My only thing is let him know how you feel once and leave him alone.
05/20/2013
Dixiemomma Dixiemomma
i personally wont take back a cheater.. if you cheat on me you dont deserve me... BUT if you are going to try to get back with him you need to build that trust back up... if you can
05/20/2013
edeneve edeneve
cheating is a betrayal & destruction of trust. I've not known anyone who can completely trust again after being cheated on. and I know once I feel betrayed, I'm no longer able to trust again.
05/20/2013
angel42539 angel42539
You've got to regain your trust because right now it might eve be hard to be friends. Let him know your changing and getting better, give him time because cheating really hurts someone.. Just take it one step and day at a time..
05/20/2013
Beautiful-Disaster Beautiful-Disaster
I guess stay his friend... but don't really expect anything from it.. Because he could think of you guys as just that ... FRIENDS. He could be friends with you while thinking you guys are okay like that... Then he'll go & find his new GF. Then you'll get hurt... & as any guy would say "I thought we were just friends".
05/21/2013
Hallmar82 Hallmar82
Don't change for anyone but yourself. Find out why he left, but don't expect he'll come back even if you do everything "right". You might find out the reasons don't really have anything to do with you personally or it may be a fundamental problem that you won't be able to fix. Either way, I wouldn't try to force it.
05/21/2013
Pandora'sBox Pandora'sBox
Personally, I'd move on. If he were the true love of your life, you wouldn't have cheated on him. Plain and simple. People who truly love their partners don't cheat on them for any reason and they certainly don't go looking for sympathy on how to get that partner back.

I take a hard line with cheating. It's a complete deal breaker for me. You feel like you're hurting without him? Imagine how he feels being cheated on. Imagine how he would feel with you saying he's the love of your life, yet you still cheated. Do you think he'd feel angry? Betrayed? Confused even? Or maybe would he feel like the hurt you feel is self-inflicted by your decision to cheat? Your hurt at being dumped by him probably pales in comparison to his hurt at being betrayed. He might feel like you brought that pain on yourself.

Building trust after infidelity is extremely difficult and in my opinion, true reconciliation is like finding a leprichaun in Japan. Even if you get back together, the relationship will be in two parts: Before the cheating, and after. No matter how long you're together there will always be that black mark on the relationship's history. And it's not just the cheating itself that makes that mark. It's everything that happens after it. The loss of trust, the hurt, the inability to fully invest in the relationship, the struggle to re-gain trust, if that's even possible because with some people, it's not.

He may only ever think of you as a friend now. And I'd say that's being generous. He would have every right to not trust you with a relationship again.
05/23/2013
Mr. John Mr. John
Quote:
Originally posted by kendra30752
You don't. Sorry. In my opinion though, you just keep your distance and see what he decides. It's such a complicated thing and you don't want to go changing who you are or ending up doing things just to get him back. I'd just hate to ... More
Great advice.
06/05/2013
TiffanyW TiffanyW
Now that I think about it, you should probably move on......
06/05/2013
karenm karenm
You can try to be his friend and earn his trust back overtime, but I wouldn't expect much from it. Good luck, though.
06/06/2013
Ayogirl230 Ayogirl230
good luck girl
06/19/2013
dancingduo dancingduo
Frankly, I say it is over. It is hard for him to trust you again, he may not be wanting to deal with that.
06/19/2013
  • 1
  • 2
Total posts: 33
Unique posters: 30