He says I have too many toys...

Contributor: ToyGeek ToyGeek
Nobody knows about my toys, but I do get household flack for having too many books on a fairly regular basis. To people who don't read, there's no difference between the reading enjoyment you'd get from a box of romance novels from a garage sale, or a stack of "overpriced" science fiction books from Barnes & Noble, so they feel that one should wait until garage sale season before finding new books to read, or just read the books one already owns, etc.

Basically, people view anything that doesn't interest them personally as a waste of time, money, and effort, and if they have any controlling tendencies, they'll turn it into a fight.
01/06/2011
Contributor: Selective Sensualist Selective Sensualist
Quote:
Originally posted by removedacnt
It sounds to me like this is more about money issues than toy issues. I do think you need to have a very long, thorough talk with him about this. I know how it is when you don't want to fight, so you pretty much avoid the conversation. But money ... more
I second this, as well as what Airen has said.

This is definitely about money issues. It sounds like he is worried about being able to fulfill financial obligations or adequately obtaining necessities -- and that he is not just worried about this in the present situation, but is considering the possibility of a future rainy day. It is understandable for (and smart of) him to have these concerns, but just as finances are an extremely important and touchy subject, so is the subject of personal boundaries. This is hard because finances impact both people in a relationship.

You need to have a serious heart to heart talk about how each of you handle your finances, as well as how the two of you plan to handle finances at a future date as a committed couple (especially if you plan to marry).

During your conversation about finances, you need to discuss how you will set boundaries in order to give each of you some much-needed freedom to spend a set amount of money on items you want once you have met your obligations and necessities. Everyone needs a little breathing room and a fun outlet, as long as you can both agree to prioritize obligations first. Once obligations are met, stand by your boundaries -- and allow him his own space, too (which I am sure you already do!).
01/06/2011
Contributor: Naughty Student Naughty Student
We talked about it.

I told him how I felt bad about the comments he would make and how he shouldn't be so concerened with my purchases as I make my purchases with a lot of thought about need and about his reactions too. I told him that he might not have taken a peak at my collection in a while as although it is growing it remains pretty stable in amount as toys come and go.

He told me that he would stop making comments. He also told me that he would rather I not tell him when I get something new. I asked him what he would say if I got something new and eventually would like to try it with him and he said I would need to ask him at that point how he feels about it.

And it ended there. He didn't want to talk about it anymore. He knows that no matter what he says I will always keep the same argument so there is no point in continueing discussing the matter. He has settled in accepting how things are and will be.

Thanks for your support everyone, it really cheered me up, made me giggle at times and made me want to talk to my partner about it to resolve it. I really appreciate everyone's input and comments.

Thanks again!
01/06/2011
Contributor: Pandahb Pandahb
That must be hard to want all that variety and he very may wonder why you need anything but him. But that is just something that either needs to be worked out or get a guy who has a collection going himself.
01/07/2011
Contributor: CPTInsanity CPTInsanity
My wife has told me to stop spending so much money on toys, but she seems to enjoy everything I bring home so I haven't stopped yet.
01/26/2011
Contributor: Gunsmoke Gunsmoke
Quote:
Originally posted by CPTInsanity
My wife has told me to stop spending so much money on toys, but she seems to enjoy everything I bring home so I haven't stopped yet.
My wife is the same way - she complains about the money - but never complains about the orgasms. Over the years her protests have become less and less common!
01/26/2011
Contributor: DexterStratton DexterStratton
I think that's a little like complaining that your lover has too many orgasms...
01/26/2011
Contributor: inbarati inbarati
Quote:
Originally posted by Naughty Student
We talked about it.

I told him how I felt bad about the comments he would make and how he shouldn't be so concerened with my purchases as I make my purchases with a lot of thought about need and about his reactions too. I told him that he ... more
While I'm sad that your SO opted to end the conversation, I just wanted to say that you deserve kudos, for being up front and honest, and for not backing down. You're awesome.
01/27/2011
Contributor: XxFallenAngelxX XxFallenAngelxX
He sounds a bit on the selfish side, girly get what you want. You are too beautiful!
01/28/2011
Contributor: Naughty Student Naughty Student
Thanks for the support inbarati (you're so sweet ) and sexxxyangel.

Since we have talked he seems to have backed down about it quite a bit. I'm pretty happy but the next step will be helping him feel ok with using sex toys during sex more often.
01/28/2011
Contributor: mrs.mckrakn mrs.mckrakn
my husband says the same and i only have 5
01/29/2011
Contributor: Kilgorescowboy Kilgorescowboy
Quote:
Originally posted by Naughty Student
I am pretty selective when it comes to toys. I try to choose toys that are different in texture, style, vibration, material, use, performance, etc. I try to avoid getting two or 3 or 4 of the same thing because ultimately I won't be using them ... more
the only thing i would see as a problem is if they toys started being used more than the guy if he is around alot
05/04/2011
Contributor: Fuck it. Fuck it.
Mine is the opposite. He helps me pick out more.
Don't let the silly boys get in the way of your fun!
05/04/2011
Contributor: MrRainybowbow MrRainybowbow
my last ex was like that. and i barely have any!
05/05/2011
Contributor: CantankerousUnagi CantankerousUnagi
Wow. What a douche. You should just tell him that there are certain feelings and things you can achieve with your toys that cannot be attained by a stationary average cock. My girl has quite the growing collection and I'd NEVER begrudge her that.
05/06/2011
Contributor: Antipova Antipova
This was a really good thread for anyone to read, no matter what the surface disagreement focuses on, Airen, NuMe, SS, and others gave excellent insight for having an important conversation directly. And Naughty Student did a wonderful job of being honest and caring, while still standing up for her own boundaries.

Threads and conversations like this are inspiring. Thanks, everyone.
07/03/2011