HELP?! My partner & I have terrible communication!

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HELP?! My partner & I have terrible communication!

lalapetitee lalapetitee
How do you fix bad communication in a 5 year long relationship? My partner & I used to have it easy when it came to communication. Now that she works full time and I'm home all the time she never spends more than 30 minutes with me. We laugh and have casual convos but nothing major. How do you fix that? Anyone else experience this?
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Jul!a Jul!a
This is something that I've found can easily happen without meaning to in longer term relationships. For us, we try to take a weekend away or start focusing more on "us time". No cell phones, no TVs, no internet, just us. If there's been anything weighing on our minds this is the time to start trying to bring it up. It's really easy to fall in a rut and really hard to keep yourself from just staying there. Sometimes a breakdown in communication can damage a relationship beyond repair, but sometimes it's salvageable. I wish you the best of luck!
Tangerine Tangerine
I guess I would start by making the time to have a "real" conversation. I would just tell her exactly how I feel and I guess try and find out how she is feeling. Casual conversation only for me means bad news....If I am in a relationship & it has come down to just hey hows it going, blah blah blah. I would probably want to find someone that makes me feel a connection. Unless there really are not any issues to dicuss. If you are really feeling like you just want more time then just say so. I think the best way to communicate is to 1st be very open and very honest and then ask them what/how the other person feels. One person has to open the door of communicatiion. I think if you are person with the questions then you should be the one to open the door, because your partner may not even have a clue that you are thinking this. It may not have crossed their mind.
squire squire
I'm glad that you had said "bad communication" rather than a bad relationship. That is one of the skills that can help couples through a rough patch, identifying specific struggles rather than identifying something larger (and more ambiguous) as a problem. What you are talking about is not uncommon, can often times happen after someone changes the daily schedule due to work ect, and can be a challenge to work through. SOme research shows that couples spend about 15-30 minutes total talking to their partners with any depth, which isn't a heck of a lot.

What you can do:
1)Build your love maps - When things get busy couples lose touch with what's going on in their partner's daily life. By building a weekly ritual where you each ask each other a set of questions about friends, family, work, relationships, dreams, struggles, feeling of support you are able to step closer to the heart of your partner, and feel less alone when schedules don't allow for the same level of conversation. Love Maps

2)Chose a day per week to have a date, be it coffee/dinner/movie night ect. It's important to maintain as many of the rituals you can that were present, before marriage/children/job ect...whatever it was that is filling your days and limiting your contact with each other. When the communication was there, what were you doing more of that.

3)If your partner works more, and you are home more, if possible take care of household tasks in order to help your partner come home, relax faster, and be able to think about you rather than the dishes/laundry ect.

These are just some ideas that are rooted in some of the research on communication. It sounds as though, based on the limited info given, that you have a fun relationship and this distance is less about verbal conflict than it is about time management. If, however, communication breakdown is there, seeking professional support is always advised. If there is criticism, contempt/disrespectful statements, tuning out, or defensiveness often...those are what can corrode relationships. Communication
Hot 'N Sexy TexasMama Hot 'N Sexy TexasMama
Whenever we've started to go through rough times when we don't talk as much - we make it a point to get out of the house (hopefully going out to eat if we can afford it) and just sitting and talking. In fact, tonight while we were in Wallyworld...I asked my husband what he thought about our intimate relationship lately and if it was fulfilling and he said it was but he missed the times of conversation and that we'd lost touch a bit.

So one of my goals this weekend is to get us out of the house - maybe to a buffet place or something so we can just sit and talk for a while and reconnect.

I really think that communication is as important or maybe even more important to a relationship than sex. I mean - we've been married 31 years and there have been times we've gone weeks and months (gasp) without sex...but whenever we've realized we weren't really talking - we always made a point to fix that.

Now - we can't go more than 3-4 days without sex...and that's great too!
Ghost Ghost
Generally, for me, the best way to fix "communication problems" is to start communicating.
El-Jaro El-Jaro
Lots of good advice here...I can't really think of anything specific to add that hasn't already been said.

How about: Humans are creatures of habit. We can start bad habits without even realizing it. Not communicating can be a habit. Good on you for recognizing the issue before it got too big!
Total posts: 7
Unique posters: 7