How do I get my boyfriend to...

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How do I get my boyfriend to...

sextoygeek sextoygeek
So, I've been dating this guy for going on 6 months, I suppose that's not horribly longer term though. So he knows that I review toys and he reads my blog (or says he does at least) and has input on the types of toys and products we review, since he'll probably see them too. The only thing is if I mention getting a male toy, he completely refuses. He's totally fine with me using them, but when I ask him why he doesn't want to at least try some new things he says "I don't need them". Gee, thanks for making me feel like I do need them, that's not appreciated. I like to experiment with new sensations and feelings and stuff, so I just can't understand why he doesn't. He's also told me before that he's tried anal play on himself and he likes it, but said it was "messy" and doesn't want to try it again, even with proper toys and lube. If you like it why don't you want to try it again? So I was just wondering if you guys have any suggestions to get him interested in trying out new things. He's all for new positions and lubes and stuff during sex, but just doesn't want to try things in his solo time.
09/02/2010
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Alicia Alicia
Quote:
Originally posted by sextoygeek
So, I've been dating this guy for going on 6 months, I suppose that's not horribly longer term though. So he knows that I review toys and he reads my blog (or says he does at least) and has input on the types of toys and products we review, ...
My husband is also the type that says he doesn't need toys. Here's what the situation is with him. He doesn't NEED them no, but that doesn't mean that he doesn't like them. He just doesn't see the point in spending money on them and he doesn't really get the time to use them alone much and together he likes to not be overstimulated so that sex lasts longer. I've bought him a toy before, he does use it in the rare instances that he takes care of business himself but he feels that's fine and doesn't want anymore. Also I've never reviewed his toy and I am not sure he'd want me reviewing men's toys because while he's fine with me reviewing couples things and things for me I don't know that he'd want his intimate details of how he liked something shared online. So, if he knows you're going to be reviewing the male toy maybe that's why he doesn't want/need it? I don't think you should take it personally or think that he meant that you DO need them or anything.

About the anal play. He might have liked the sensation itself but not liked the mess. He might have liked the sensation but not thought it was sexy. If he isn't comfortable with something then he might not want to do it again even though he liked it before..it could be something about anal play that he doesn't actually like. My husband has tried anal play before..he liked it, but it's something he's not 100% comfortable with yet. So, it's a really rare occurence and I know that if I was to pursue the issue it'd probably make him even more hesitant to try things.

Lastly some guys just like their hand for solo time. My husband does his solo play in the shower if he's going to do it at all. That way it's easy to clean up, he's guaranteed privacy and the hot water feels awesome. So, he doesn't need lube, he might use his sleeve but most times he's just fine with his hand..it's just easier and quicker I guess.
09/02/2010
BJismyname BJismyname
lol well first of all, it sounds like he might have some mental block with his solo anal play memories. also "messy" may have been more literal, like... unwanted scat? perhaps he needs to clean up a bit before he goes diving for the prostate treasure.

or simply, he may never be comfy playing with himself in that way, perhaps he doesn't want to feel "gay"? i'm not sure. perhaps even though it was enjoyable it wasn't worth the effort for him?

does he enjoy anal play together? maybe that'd be something to introduce him to. finger him gently while you go down on him, if your up for it even rim him? (make sure he showers first lol) there's a few ways to go about it but see what happens.

and i'm sure he didn't mean to say that you need extra stimulation, he just doesn't feel the urge to join your toy fun when he plays alone. still, you should air your greivences in the spirit of honesty in your relationship. talk it out with him. that's the biggest thing, always always talk about it! whatever "it" is at the moment, anal play, toys, whatever it is. TALK!

hope this helps!
09/02/2010
sextoygeek sextoygeek
Thanks guys but unfortunately as of tonight it won't really be an issue anymore... Thanks for the advice though.
09/02/2010
sweet434cream sweet434cream
Sometimes you just gotta talk them into it I had to but once you do and he does it Im sure he will enjoy
11/27/2010
Total posts: 5
Unique posters: 4