How would you feel if you found out your longterm partner still kept his ex-lovers pictures and videos (nudity ones) on his computer?

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How would you feel if you found out your longterm partner still kept his ex-lovers pictures and videos (nudity ones) on his computer?

LusciousLollypop LusciousLollypop
How would you feel if you found out your longterm partner still kept his ex-lovers pictures and videos (nudity ones) on his computer?

In my case.. my longterm boyfriend "bragged" and showed me his "ex-girlfriend" file on his computer with numerous videos and pictures that were totally graphic in content.

I was pissed, big surprise. I don't want him fapping over his ex-girlfriend. I want him fapping over me. They broke up over two years ago. TWO YEARS. And he still has pictures and videos of her? I am probably being way protective and territorial but it was pretty much a big slap in the face in my opinion.

Side note : I finally got our room situated so it is livable (he is messy) and folded, cleaned, the works. What should I find in a suitcase? Lingerie of his ex-girlfriend. REAL Photos of his ex-girlfriend. Belongings of hers. I seriously haven't even told him that I found them. It was a huge fight when he showed me the other stuff on his computer.

I know I sound SUPER protective, but this really ticked me off. The question is.. if your longterm relationship partner did this to you or was even hiding it from you, would you be upset and angry or would you be totally okay with it?

Let the voting begin!
Answers (public voting - your screen name will appear in the results):
Pissed Off And Angry At The Pictures And Videos
LusciousLollypop , Badass , Ansley , Kissy , mama2007 , BG529 , xOhxSoxScandalousx , Various , Melan!e , ejrbrndps , Kitka , BBW Talks Toys , Loriandhubby , unfulfilled , PolyLove , clix69 , pasdechat , Beck , hesteele09 , Chami , ghalik , Femme Mystique , Emerlyn , M.O.'s Girl , Ryuson , wrmbreze , voenne , js250 , TameTemptress , Zombirella , MamaDivine , RomanticGoth , P'Gell , LovesAPoet , CollegeFun2014 , aliceinthehole , puppylove , Bignuf , Passion plum , shySEXXaddict , MissCandyland , ksparkles16 , BlooJay , gloomybear , jennifur77 , Geogeo , Sex Positivity , Vegan Silk , lillmiss5054 , bayosgirl , SadeGrey , darthkitt3n , RTC , JG24FanUK , ellejay , MissBre , PropertyOfPotter , jmex83 , MistressDandelion , llellsee , Mistress Sassy , froggiemoma , SaraW0512 , Ilovelingerie , Howells , Feisty , mistressg , Life's Little Secrets
68
Pissed Off And Angry At Finding The Stuff In The Suitcase
LusciousLollypop , Badass , Kissy , mama2007 , BG529 , xOhxSoxScandalousx , Melan!e , Kitka , BBW Talks Toys , Loriandhubby , unfulfilled , PolyLove , SMichelle , Bex1331 , pasdechat , Beck , Chami , ghalik , Femme Mystique , Emerlyn , M.O.'s Girl , Ryuson , wrmbreze , voenne , TameTemptress , Zombirella , MamaDivine , RomanticGoth , P'Gell , LovesAPoet , CollegeFun2014 , aliceinthehole , puppylove , Passion plum , shySEXXaddict , MissCandyland , ksparkles16 , BlooJay , gloomybear , Geogeo , Sex Positivity , Vegan Silk , lillmiss5054 , bayosgirl , darthkitt3n , RTC , ellejay , MissBre , PropertyOfPotter , MistressDandelion , llellsee , Mistress Sassy , froggiemoma , Stagger13 , SaraW0512 , Ilovelingerie , Lizard , Feisty , mistressg , Life's Little Secrets
60
Extremely Upset and Sad About Finding The Pictures And Videos
LusciousLollypop , Badass , Kissy , gsfanatic , mama2007 , xOhxSoxScandalousx , Melan!e , Kitka , BBW Talks Toys , unfulfilled , PolyLove , pasdechat , Beck , Chami , ghalik , Femme Mystique , M.O.'s Girl , Ryuson , wrmbreze , (k)InkyIvy , voenne , js250 , TameTemptress , Zombirella , MamaDivine , RomanticGoth , LovesAPoet , Honeybee , aliceinthehole , Ms. N , Passion plum , shySEXXaddict , MissCandyland , BlooJay , gloomybear , Sex Positivity , lillmiss5054 , bayosgirl , duff , RTC , JG24FanUK , ellejay , MissBre , humblepie , PropertyOfPotter , MistressDandelion , llellsee , Mistress Sassy , froggiemoma , Ilovelingerie , freud13 , Lizard , Feisty , mistressg
54
Extremely Upset and Sad About Finding The Stuff In The Suitcase
LusciousLollypop , Badass , Kissy , mama2007 , BG529 , xOhxSoxScandalousx , Melan!e , Kitka , BBW Talks Toys , unfulfilled , PolyLove , SMichelle , pasdechat , Beck , Chami , ghalik , Femme Mystique , M.O.'s Girl , Ryuson , wrmbreze , (k)InkyIvy , voenne , TameTemptress , Zombirella , MamaDivine , RomanticGoth , Raizer911 , LovesAPoet , Honeybee , aliceinthehole , Passion plum , KrissyNovacaine , shySEXXaddict , MissCandyland , BlooJay , gloomybear , Sex Positivity , lillmiss5054 , bayosgirl , SadeGrey , RTC , ellejay , MissBre , humblepie , PropertyOfPotter , MistressDandelion , llellsee , Mistress Sassy , froggiemoma , Ilovelingerie , freud13 , Lizard , Feisty , mistressg
54
Totally Okay With His "Stash" Of Ex-Lover Porn
Antipova , Bex1331 , Gone (LD29) , Llahsram , VelvetDragon , UnknownGirl , Raizer911
7
Totally Okay With It All - Who cares if he has that stuff? He is with you!
Gone (LD29) , VelvetDragon
2
Should I Tell Him That I Found Her Belongings?
Loriandhubby , PolyLove , Ryuson , wrmbreze , TameTemptress , MamaDivine , P'Gell , LovesAPoet , Missmarc , El-Jaro , Sex Positivity , bayosgirl , SadeGrey , ellejay , humblepie , jmex83 , Mistress Sassy , froggiemoma , SaraW0512 , Life's Little Secrets
20
Other - Please Explain!
Beck , Petite Valentine , Falsepast , Ilovelingerie , Pinkshirt
5
Total votes: 270 (91 voters)
Poll is closed
05/08/2012
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Badass Badass
Gah, now I'M pissed at your boyfriend. lol.
First, if my love showed me naked pics of his ex, I would have busted a nut! I would never send him nudes of myself stating "if you will show me naked pics of the last girl, you're gonna show my nudes to the next girl! and I don't want you to be able to beat off to me if we should ever end."

The lingerie and real photos... I would burn in the back yard while he is not around. Ms. LusciousLollypop you go get yourself some lighter fluid, some matches and find and safe place to burn it all and do it. If he asks? HE HAD NO USE FOR IT!

Maybe I'm crazy, but I'm a little offended for you. I've seen your vids, you're gorgeous, he doesn't need that shit around clogging up your relationship.
That is for real what I would really do. And laugh about it if he gets pissed.
05/08/2012
Ansley Ansley
Quote:
Originally posted by Badass
Gah, now I'M pissed at your boyfriend. lol.
First, if my love showed me naked pics of his ex, I would have busted a nut! I would never send him nudes of myself stating "if you will show me naked pics of the last girl, you're gonna ...
That's borderline psychotic - the burning stuff. It's not her stuff, it's his stuff and she has no right to destroy it, no matter how angry she is.

She does however owe herself the space to think that she just might have some cause to worry here. If he's still holding onto this stuff, he still has feelings for her and that's no bueno for any budding relationship.
05/08/2012
Chilipepper Chilipepper
Methinks he refuses to let go ...

At least you didn't find any of her body parts (yet).
05/08/2012
LusciousLollypop LusciousLollypop
Quote:
Originally posted by Badass
Gah, now I'M pissed at your boyfriend. lol.
First, if my love showed me naked pics of his ex, I would have busted a nut! I would never send him nudes of myself stating "if you will show me naked pics of the last girl, you're gonna ...
@Badass.

I am so in love with you right now. I'm glad I wasn't the only one that would be pissed. (:

Hmm.. Now you have got me plotting He doesn't have ANY use for it. I found some gloves a few weeks ago that weren't mine and I asked who they belonged to. He said it was his ex-girlfriends (it was just laying around). I asked him how long ago were they together? He said two years. And I asked if I could toss them and asked why they were even around still. He said that he didn't even know they were "around" and why am I getting so pissy about something that happened two years ago. WTF. Rant over.

I am glad you are offended for me. I'm offended for me. Thanks for the very nice comment about how gorgeous I am in my videos. That was very sweet.

05/08/2012
LusciousLollypop LusciousLollypop
Quote:
Originally posted by Ansley
That's borderline psychotic - the burning stuff. It's not her stuff, it's his stuff and she has no right to destroy it, no matter how angry she is.

She does however owe herself the space to think that she just might have some cause ...
@Stormy,

That is exactly what I was worried about. He talks about her a lot, compares me to her sometimes. It isn't healthy. I am with him now, not her. They ended a long time ago. I understand first loves and all that they entitle, but this is getting a little out of hand. I don't want this to cause any type of problems in the future for us. He really is a good guy but this flaw.. it hurt my feelings. We are focusing on planning our future together, but this just kinda makes me think that it is all talk.
05/08/2012
Kissy Kissy
If we were in a long relationship at that point - they would need to go... if we were new, sure, but eventually would need to go..
05/08/2012
LusciousLollypop LusciousLollypop
Quote:
Originally posted by Chilipepper
Methinks he refuses to let go ...

At least you didn't find any of her body parts (yet).
@Chillipepper,

He needs to let go. They ended on bad terms. He dumped her. He "supposedly" moved on. She moved on. She lives in a different country. Come on?

I don't want to find that girls body parts! LOL
05/08/2012
Ansley Ansley
Quote:
Originally posted by LusciousLollypop
@Stormy,

That is exactly what I was worried about. He talks about her a lot, compares me to her sometimes. It isn't healthy. I am with him now, not her. They ended a long time ago. I understand first loves and all that they entitle, but ...
I can't speak for the guy, but if he's holding on it's time for you to take a step back and really look at the situation.

Does he hide his phone from you or only text when you're leaving the room or not around?

Does he reject calls when you're around but then looks for an opportunity to return the call?

Does he have any of your keepsakes or ask for anything to be reminded of you?

Just sounds...weird.
05/08/2012
LusciousLollypop LusciousLollypop
Quote:
Originally posted by Kissy
If we were in a long relationship at that point - they would need to go... if we were new, sure, but eventually would need to go..
@Kissy,

Basically, they need to go either way.
He talks about getting married.
He talks about where we will be in 10 years.
He talks about how I make him the happiest he has ever been.

It just feels like secrets to me now. I am so in girl mode and overthinking it all.
05/08/2012
Ansley Ansley
Quote:
Originally posted by LusciousLollypop
@Kissy,

Basically, they need to go either way.
He talks about getting married.
He talks about where we will be in 10 years.
He talks about how I make him the happiest he has ever been.

It just feels like secrets to me now. I ...
What does your gut say?
05/08/2012
LusciousLollypop LusciousLollypop
Quote:
Originally posted by Ansley
I can't speak for the guy, but if he's holding on it's time for you to take a step back and really look at the situation.

Does he hide his phone from you or only text when you're leaving the room or not around?

Does he ...
@Stormy,

You are right. I do need to look at the situation.

He doesn't ever hide his phone from me. I ask for it, he gives it. He asks for my phone, I give it. He texts his friends but they aren't anyone that I am threatened by. He doesn't reject calls and look to return the phone calls.

He met this girl online. She is from Canada. He visited her like.. twice. She visited him a lot more. I'm not ever allowed on his computer unless he is present. I don't snoop because I really don't want to see what I will find that will upset me. I mean.. I want to know. And he is on his computer, typing away to people. I don't know if it is her or not, but he did show me that file/folder of her.

He said if I was so upset about her "folder" on his computer, we could make me a folder. I don't know if I should be offended or what. We have dabbled in video taping some acts of stuff in the bedroom but I haven't ever let him put them on HIS computer. I don't want to be just another.. "folder". Did that make sense?
05/08/2012
gsfanatic gsfanatic
That's awkward, but it would depend a lot on how it happened. If it's someone who keeps everything, that's different from bragging, which is just completely wrong.
05/08/2012
LusciousLollypop LusciousLollypop
Quote:
Originally posted by Ansley
What does your gut say?
@Stormy,

My gut says that he still has feelings for her and is holding on for some reason. I wish my gut wasn't telling me that, but it is. I don't want him to be hung up on someone else. I see myself with this man for a very long time. I want to make a future with him and I have never wanted that with anyone before. It is a huge step for me and I've been hurt before. (just like we all have our relationship horror stories) Maybe I'm just reading too much into it.
05/08/2012
mama2007 mama2007
Quote:
Originally posted by LusciousLollypop
How would you feel if you found out your longterm partner still kept his ex-lovers pictures and videos (nudity ones) on his computer?

In my case.. my longterm boyfriend "bragged" and showed me his "ex-girlfriend" file on ...
oh I would burn it! lol. my husband has an ex wife, and almost ALL of the pics unless it has her kids in it i have deleted lmao off of hard drive, so it's no issue haha. old wedding pics i wish i would burn but id get snapped at so f that lol. i do NOT like her one bit.

Even the pics on his computer i deleted before he changed the pword a long time ago lol. so o well =] her kids, no her by herself yes. he has NO naked pics, just clothed but shes ugly either way lol
05/08/2012
LusciousLollypop LusciousLollypop
Quote:
Originally posted by gsfanatic
That's awkward, but it would depend a lot on how it happened. If it's someone who keeps everything, that's different from bragging, which is just completely wrong.
@gsfanatic,

It is SO awkward. He doesn't keep anything, that is the problem. He throws everything away or just gets rid of it.
05/08/2012
LusciousLollypop LusciousLollypop
Quote:
Originally posted by mama2007
oh I would burn it! lol. my husband has an ex wife, and almost ALL of the pics unless it has her kids in it i have deleted lmao off of hard drive, so it's no issue haha. old wedding pics i wish i would burn but id get snapped at so f that lol. i ...
@Mama2007,

I cringe whenever I even hear her name out of his mouth.
So.. I'm protective. Who cares? So.. I'm territorial. Which girl/guy isn't?

I don't know if this is just some strange case of him really and truly forgetting that he has her stuff laying around after two years or he is keeping it for keepsake or as a trophy? I need Dr. Phil! Lol
05/08/2012
Chilipepper Chilipepper
Stormy does have excellent points that need to be addressed, Lollie. A man who won't let go - even after two years and HE was the one who broke it off - has more baggage than just hauling an ex-girlfriend's crap around. (Really, were those gloves lying around in the open for two whole years? They had to be taken out of some container at some point.)

Possibility: he may be trying to let go by making future plans with you - it might take him time to feel confident enough to let go of her crap and photos. Is he a horder/packrat? While we'd keep only a momento or two, he's keeping shitloads of stuff (computer folders do count as 'shitloads', especially vids) as a horder.

I absolutely do not blame you for being pissed - it looks as though he won't let go by keeping all that stuff. How can you take any future with him seriously if all he's going to do is moon about a past love?
05/08/2012
BG529 BG529
I'm totally pissed for you. I'd be furious. If he is totally commited to you there should be no reason to have all that.

If you wanted to confront him about it, pout him in your shoes. Ask him how he'd feel if you had videos and pics or whatever of another man??

I can understand momentos. As in letters, cards ect. but nude photos, videos, and stuff like that is a total no. in my book...
05/08/2012
Chilipepper Chilipepper
Quote:
Originally posted by Chilipepper
Stormy does have excellent points that need to be addressed, Lollie. A man who won't let go - even after two years and HE was the one who broke it off - has more baggage than just hauling an ex-girlfriend's crap around. (Really, were those ...
EDIT: No, not a horder (I just read previous posts). This is more serious.
05/08/2012
Ansley Ansley
Quote:
Originally posted by LusciousLollypop
@Stormy,

You are right. I do need to look at the situation.

He doesn't ever hide his phone from me. I ask for it, he gives it. He asks for my phone, I give it. He texts his friends but they aren't anyone that I am threatened by. ...
Uh...this dude needs relationship bootcamp. I mean I think at this point I'd flat out ask "was she that great of a fuck that you have to keep her around and torment our relationship over it?"
05/08/2012
Chilipepper Chilipepper
Quote:
Originally posted by Ansley
Uh...this dude needs relationship bootcamp. I mean I think at this point I'd flat out ask "was she that great of a fuck that you have to keep her around and torment our relationship over it?"
*applause and whistles in approval*
05/08/2012
LusciousLollypop LusciousLollypop
Quote:
Originally posted by Chilipepper
Stormy does have excellent points that need to be addressed, Lollie. A man who won't let go - even after two years and HE was the one who broke it off - has more baggage than just hauling an ex-girlfriend's crap around. (Really, were those ...
@ChilliPepper,

Stormy does have very good points.

I'm sure he has more baggage then he is letting on. I'm finding out about little things here and there. We all have baggage though, I have baggage. It just comes with the territory. And yeah.. they couldn't have just been laying around for two years.. it had to come out of something and recent.

I hope he is trying to make plans for me to let go of his past and make a new future with me. He is cocky but confidence? He acts all high and mighty but I think there is something there that he lacks in confidence. He is a very private person but does open up to me, which I am happy about.

I've asked his previous roommate if he does keep shit around and if a hoarder, and he actually did say that his computer is filled with stuff and he keeps some things around, but it isn't crazy.

I don't even know how I can take him seriously when he talks about us and what we are going to be doing in the future now because I really don't know if he means it. xoxo
05/08/2012
LusciousLollypop LusciousLollypop
Quote:
Originally posted by Ansley
Uh...this dude needs relationship bootcamp. I mean I think at this point I'd flat out ask "was she that great of a fuck that you have to keep her around and torment our relationship over it?"
@Stormy,

LOL. He so needs relationship bootcamp. Take him in for me? That is actually exactly what I want to ask. That is great.

Even when I ask about their relationship and how intense it was or what his past was even like, he says that I am just pissy and should let it go. I was furious about the computer stuff when he was sitting right there and he made me feel like I was the bad one for not being "okay" with it all. Like, WTF? That makes no sense.
05/08/2012
xOhxSoxScandalousx xOhxSoxScandalousx
Wow..this is fucking crazy. Lol. Honestly, if I were in your shoes I would be seeing RED! How dare he keep all her nudey photos/videos on his computer and on top of that her dirty lingerie?! What the hell does he still need that for? How creepy. You have a right to be angry. I'm sure if the shoe was on the other foot he would be angry too. You should have told him right then and there to delete that folder. He's holding onto the past. What he is doing is totally disrespectful. If he truly cares about you and is no longer holding any feelings towards her then it should be super easy for him to throw her clothes out and delete the folder.

I can't believe he had the audacity to even show you that folder full of photos/videos of his ex. It's not like they were regular photos. THESE ARE NUDES. You are his future now. He needs to let go of her already. This is not normal. Seems like he is keeping something from you and has some more secrets you don't know about. I don't think there's anything wrong with snooping if you have reasonable cause. You need to have the upper hand in this situation. No way in hell should you make your own folder for him! You don't want those photos in his paws later on if things don't work out. So I totally understand you not wanting to be just "another folder". This is so upsetting. I'm sorry you're going through this. *hugs*
05/08/2012
Ansley Ansley
Quote:
Originally posted by Chilipepper
*applause and whistles in approval*
*bows deeply* I call 'em like I see 'em.
05/08/2012
LusciousLollypop LusciousLollypop
Quote:
Originally posted by BG529
I'm totally pissed for you. I'd be furious. If he is totally commited to you there should be no reason to have all that.

If you wanted to confront him about it, pout him in your shoes. Ask him how he'd feel if you had videos and ...
@SweetBekki89,

Good idea. I don't keep stuff from my past relationships. I don't have pictures or videos or clothes of theirs. I left all that behind me when I broke it off or was dumped in the past. I can understand mementos too but this is totally not cool.
05/08/2012
Ansley Ansley
Quote:
Originally posted by LusciousLollypop
@Stormy,

LOL. He so needs relationship bootcamp. Take him in for me? That is actually exactly what I want to ask. That is great.

Even when I ask about their relationship and how intense it was or what his past was even like, he says ...
Um, honestly hon at this point, you've got two choices.

You either suck it up and deal with it inside of yourself (clearly this isn't going to happen)

or

You tell him that you think he is still in love with her and that you don't want to hear him mention another word about your future together until he figures out just what in the hell he is holding onto.

When people break up, they aren't really mourning the relationship as it was. They are mourning the relationship that could have been. So maybe she was perfect in every way but had a hard time staying within the boundaries they'd set (monogamy). And considering he's the one that did the breaking up, there's a lot more to this scenario than meets the eye. Guys are typically non-confrontational in relationships and are not the ones to break things off.
05/08/2012
Chilipepper Chilipepper
Quote:
Originally posted by LusciousLollypop
@ChilliPepper,

Stormy does have very good points.

I'm sure he has more baggage then he is letting on. I'm finding out about little things here and there. We all have baggage though, I have baggage. It just comes with the ...
*tight hugs* The uncertainly is always awful. It's really up to him if he can let go and devote himself fully to you, or if he's going to allow that wall to stay there. It's not fair to you to have to compete with her all the time. Hell, he's likely idealized her beyond human flesh (he was the one who ended it for some reason), so that's especially not fair to you.

Like Stormy said, he needs to be outright asked if she was so good, why do you have to hear about it for the rest of your days.
05/08/2012
Badass Badass
Quote:
Originally posted by Ansley
That's borderline psychotic - the burning stuff. It's not her stuff, it's his stuff and she has no right to destroy it, no matter how angry she is.

She does however owe herself the space to think that she just might have some cause ...
It might be borderline psychotic.. but it sure as heck would get the point across.
05/08/2012
Total posts: 190
Unique posters: 63