I now know why some people cheat!!

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I now know why some people cheat!!

Adnerbmw Adnerbmw
I need to vent to someone so here is as safe a place as any.
Not that i would ever cheat but i feel like i understand why some people do it now. My husband has always had a lower sex drive than me and right now its especially now because of a medication he is taking and because he is going to school and working. I understand that he is busy and his meds mess with him but its killing me. Once a week, that pretty much what we are down to, every sunday seems to be the magic night. Its annoying how predictable it is. And on top of that i feel like he doesnt want ME he just wants sex. I miss when he wanted me so bad he would take advantage of me anywhere he could. Sex with our clothes still on in the kitchen, in the living room, in the garage. Now i feel like the only reason he has sex with me is cause he just that horny, i just want to feel wanted and desired. i dont get that feeling from him anymore, and here we land at cheating. i now understand how someone can stumble upon that attention out side of marriage and want it. I could never cheat, i even feel guilty when i have dreams about other people (in the dream i feel guilty) but i could use some attention and for someone to make me feel sexy and desired.
We used to have a great sex life, we were a couple that did it 3 to 5 times a week an now its harldy one time. most of the time the sex is good, but i seems like if i am trying to enjoy it and not rush to the finish he cant hang for too long without finishing. Hes not premature but really can it last more than 15 minutes. Well end venting! thanks to anyone that read this. I cant really talk to anyone else about this so i needed to get it out.
10/02/2013
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edeneve edeneve
has he talked to his Dr. about changing the med?
10/02/2013
Genderfree Genderfree
Me and my partner had this issue, but now we have a third in our life.

It's very interesting how things work out that way.
10/02/2013
RonLee RonLee
My partner and I am struggling with this problem right now.
I understand how difficult it is with one partner's drive being substantially lower than your own. My drive has been much higher than nearly every partner I've been with, and it's been that way for my entire life.
10/02/2013
CamoCutie CamoCutie
I can feel both sides of your story. My husband and I used to have sex everyday, sometimes twice a day, while we were dating. After we got married, I got pregnant with our second child two months after marriage and ever since I had my mirena put in after she was born, I have no sex drive, which is a side effect to the mirena. Our sex life is now just as predictable. Once a week, normally on Saturday. And I do feel really bad about it. However when we do have sex I try to make the best of it and I do really enjoy it. At the same time I do feel the same way that sometimes we just have sex to have sex. I wish he would want me the way he used to, somewhat the same as you described. However he does always make sure I get my kicks off before we even start or before he finishes which is a plus but it always just feels like sex and not making love, so to say.
If you even want to talk to vent feel free to message me.
10/02/2013
Adnerbmw Adnerbmw
Quote:
Originally posted by CamoCutie
I can feel both sides of your story. My husband and I used to have sex everyday, sometimes twice a day, while we were dating. After we got married, I got pregnant with our second child two months after marriage and ever since I had my mirena put in ...
Yeah thats how i feel alot of times it just sex not passionate like it used to be. i mean there are some times when it still is but its few and far between. he cant change or stop his meds right now being its for add and he is in school and he needs it in order to actually concentrate on school. He is pretty good about making sure i get off first but the times i want to i guess make love and enjoy the moment he cant hang. he says he enjoys it too much and cant handle it but its just like well thanks. I love him i just get so annoyed that i dont feel sexy anymore cause he doesnt make me feel sexy and i know i should love myself and all that but really when it comes downt o it there is no one in this world that can melt me and make me feel amazing him and the flip side is there is no one that can make me feel horrible like him. not that he would every do it on purpose.
10/03/2013
Tightgirl2013 Tightgirl2013
Have is testosterone levels checked. A lot of men experience this when their levels drop.
10/03/2013
HannahPanda HannahPanda
There's never an excuse to cheat - you always have the chance to leave. I get understanding why people would cheat, but I can never really "understand" it. There's always the option of leaving when you aren't satisfied, or asking your husband if you can somehow fulfill your needs elsewhere if he isn't meeting them. If you're thinking about cheating at all, probably tell him how you're feeling.
10/18/2013
Adnerbmw Adnerbmw
Quote:
Originally posted by HannahPanda
There's never an excuse to cheat - you always have the chance to leave. I get understanding why people would cheat, but I can never really "understand" it. There's always the option of leaving when you aren't satisfied, or ...
Like i said, i would NEVER cheat its not in me. I am not defending people that do cheat, i am never for anyone cheating but i am just saying that i can see how somone can fall into that temptation. when your not getting somthing at home and somone outside give it to you especially when you have low self esteem. Its never okay to cheat, you should always talk to the other person and figure out your issues. i get that, and i do talk to my husband but we also know that right now there isnt much he can do while he is school and working full time.
10/18/2013
TexasBrat TexasBrat
Quote:
Originally posted by Adnerbmw
I need to vent to someone so here is as safe a place as any.
Not that i would ever cheat but i feel like i understand why some people do it now. My husband has always had a lower sex drive than me and right now its especially now because of ...
This is an old post, but I can TOTALLY relate to it!!!!

My now ex husband and I use to have a great sex life. But, over time, and with a child, life issues, and then him having an accident at work, and then his growing addiction to online gaming (at 40 yrs old), our sex life went to nothing.

We grew apart. He abandoned me in the marriage emotionally. Yes, I was the one that said I wanted a divorce, and I left first, but emotionally, he checked out 5 yrs prior to me leaving.

I didn't cheat, but I understand how one would want too!! I left because I knew I deserved better, and also, I didn't want my daughter to grow up thinking that this type of thing was normal or acceptable for a relationship.
07/06/2015
Raymaker Raymaker
I can understand unequal sex drives and certainly sympathize with it, but it's still kind of UTTERLY BEYOND ME why people would immediately jump to the idea of cheating before arranging something polyamorous, or maybe bringing up swinging with their partner.
If something as specific as sex is the root of your relationship problem, then simply address that specific need above board, with everyone in the know.
08/29/2015
TheToyGuy TheToyGuy
At work you meet a lot of couples going through this. One or the other has had an accident and is on meds that muck with their libido or their in a cast and just CANNOT have sex until it comes off and things become difficult if they are used to sex daily etc. Sometimes it works in reverse and the person once recovered finds their partner has become uninterested in sex.

Some people find an outlet and work around it, others just cheat because they aren't getting it from their loved ones, many just give up without a fight and move on.

Nine tenths of the issue is failure to acknowledge that there is a problem. After both parties acknowledge that they need to work together, remedies can soon be found. Be it talking with your doctor, trying something new or just retrying something old.

You never know till you give it a go.
10/02/2015
MrClark MrClark
Quote:
Originally posted by TheToyGuy
At work you meet a lot of couples going through this. One or the other has had an accident and is on meds that muck with their libido or their in a cast and just CANNOT have sex until it comes off and things become difficult if they are used to sex ...
Acknowledging there is a problem, discussing it with your partner, and potentially getting medical input be it about issues with drugs or therapy definitely is a good start.

But even when I understand the drive behind why some people cheating, it is the breach of trust and failure to take the first two steps that has me not understanding. Even serial philanderers (be they women or men) tend to have some underlying problem they are needing help with; however, they should still take these steps.
May 29, 8:29 pm
Total posts: 13
Unique posters: 11