One of the things you just DON'T say . . .

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One of the things you just DON'T say . . .

Dawn (Lilac Distraction) Dawn (Lilac Distraction)
I was talking to my boyfriend about his past lovers while he was showing me their pictures of Facebook. I like to see what kind of girls he has been with and all and we're open about our pasts. We've been together for about a month so we're still learning about each other. We don't ever get into graphic detail about prior encounters and usually just tell each other what we've done instead of giving the whole story. Some stuff you just don't want to know, right?

Well, he was telling me about this one girl he'd seen saying she'd been talking to him again and that he wanted to be friends with her and I didn't really mind. Then he made the comment "She was the best one in bed ever."

. . . wait . . . what? You mean better than me?

My feelings were seriously hurt by this and he didn't really understand why.

If your lover told you that someone was better in bed than you were would you get upset? Do you have a right to? Would you say anything about it?
05/22/2011
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ss143 ss143
Sorry he said that to you I know that hurt. I would be hurt by it definitely and I would talk to him about it( and no more being ok with them being friends-but that's me). I would explain to him why it bothered me and ask him why he would say something like that. Then depending on how the convo went and because I can be a spiteful bitch sometimes Id fuck his brains senseless just to show him ain't no body hes had better than me lol.
Good luck girl
05/22/2011
Dawn (Lilac Distraction) Dawn (Lilac Distraction)
Quote:
Originally posted by ss143
Sorry he said that to you I know that hurt. I would be hurt by it definitely and I would talk to him about it( and no more being ok with them being friends-but that's me). I would explain to him why it bothered me and ask him why he would say ...
And we haven't had enough time to get on our own vibe yet. One of the great things about this site is that I have an opportunity to get a ton of toys to try on him and he's open to and excited about just about everything.

He just hasn't met my wild side yet.
05/22/2011
sexygoddess sexygoddess
I might get a little upset about it. But.. I guess it's his opinion.. I'd use it as a challange lol. And besides, you've only been with him for a month.. so you probably don't know all of what he likes and how he likes it.
05/22/2011
Sex'и'Violence Sex'и'Violence
Quote:
Originally posted by Dawn (Lilac Distraction)
And we haven't had enough time to get on our own vibe yet. One of the great things about this site is that I have an opportunity to get a ton of toys to try on him and he's open to and excited about just about everything.

He just ...
I think that that's the most important thing to remember. Guys are infamous for putting their feet in their mouths so just take it in stride. If you really want to get your point across you could try putting him in a similar position and see how he reacts.
05/22/2011
PiratePrincess PiratePrincess
I would be really upset by it, but I would understand and try to change his opinion by being better in bed than her
05/22/2011
CPTInsanity CPTInsanity
I know he is your boyfriend, but some people are too dumb for there own good. Man rule is that you never say something that will stop your girl from giving you sex. What he said shatters that rule. Don't get me wrong, every guy thinks about a past lover and how great they were at something. I'm sure most women do the same, but don't be that dumb in telling them that they were the best. There is a reason that he isn't with her anymore, he better realize it and try to keep what he has now.
05/23/2011
Dawn (Lilac Distraction) Dawn (Lilac Distraction)
Quote:
Originally posted by CPTInsanity
I know he is your boyfriend, but some people are too dumb for there own good. Man rule is that you never say something that will stop your girl from giving you sex. What he said shatters that rule. Don't get me wrong, every guy thinks about a ...
It's pretty funny because it was first time someone has said anything like that to me. It's usually them telling me "She was good but you're sooo much better." Even years later exes have told me that they've never had anything anywhere close.

He'll learn eventually.

It just bothers me because even if he did feel that way it's best not said.
05/23/2011
salaciousrex salaciousrex
Quote:
Originally posted by Sex'и'Violence
I think that that's the most important thing to remember. Guys are infamous for putting their feet in their mouths so just take it in stride. If you really want to get your point across you could try putting him in a similar position and see how ...
I agree here. Guys just say the stupidest things and don't even realize it. He probably didn't think it would hurt you.


My guy says the stupidest things and he doesn't ever understand why I'm hurt by them. I try to turn it around and ask him how he'd feel if I said this or did that, or whatever he did and he usually understands. Ask him if he'd be offended if you said one of your exes was the best?

If someone told me this exact thing I would be upset for sure. I wouldn't want to say anything about it, but I know I would. I can't keep that kind of thing inside.
I'm so sorry he did this
05/23/2011
The Unnamed The Unnamed
dont say the truth but dont say lies
05/23/2011
The Unnamed The Unnamed
Quote:
Originally posted by Dawn (Lilac Distraction)
It's pretty funny because it was first time someone has said anything like that to me. It's usually them telling me "She was good but you're sooo much better." Even years later exes have told me that they've never had ...
people envtually learn
05/23/2011
El-Jaro El-Jaro
Quote:
Originally posted by CPTInsanity
I know he is your boyfriend, but some people are too dumb for there own good. Man rule is that you never say something that will stop your girl from giving you sex. What he said shatters that rule. Don't get me wrong, every guy thinks about a ...
This sounds about right. Also, people say stupid things without thinking. You said you're both kinda new to each other, he's prolly still nervous around you still. It takes a while to get really comfortable around your partner. I'd suggest forgiveness and moving on.
05/23/2011
ss143 ss143
Quote:
Originally posted by Dawn (Lilac Distraction)
It's pretty funny because it was first time someone has said anything like that to me. It's usually them telling me "She was good but you're sooo much better." Even years later exes have told me that they've never had ...
Agree that's something even if you really think that way you keep it in your head you don't say it out loud especially if you wanna get keep getting laid lol. You'll teach him sweetie then he will regret what he said. Men can be thoughtless a lot of the times
05/23/2011
clp clp
I'm sorry you were hurt by what he said. Just like everyone else, I agree that people (not just men, women are often just as thoughtless or intentionally so) speak before thinking, and treading on sexual territory is a dangerous place to slip.

You never know what he was thinking about when he said that. Speaking for myself, I know I could easily make that statement accidentally, but it would be less about the person than the situation surrounding what makes it so great. There's the first that got me to orgasm, or maybe the person that had kinks crazier than mine. Maybe one had the best physical goods, or just another that could dirty-talk a storm... Yeah, I could very, very easily say something like that and mean something completely different.

If you've felt like you already know too much, it may be good to just not open that door again, even slightly. The other option is to probe further--which risks getting hurt more, but there's also the chance that you could uncover a fantasy or kink or even position that he happens to place high on the list. I run into this situation pretty often with my sweetheart, and I can usually get to the meat of the issue by digging past what he said to parse what he really meant.
05/23/2011
GravyCakes GravyCakes
Quote:
Originally posted by Dawn (Lilac Distraction)
I was talking to my boyfriend about his past lovers while he was showing me their pictures of Facebook. I like to see what kind of girls he has been with and all and we're open about our pasts. We've been together for about a month so ...
wow, if my bf felt this way about someone, i would DEFINITELY want him to keep it to himself!
05/23/2011
UnknownGirl UnknownGirl
I mean, I guess that goes with the territory of talking about your past sex lives. That sucks, but as somebody else said, I'd take it as a challenge.
05/23/2011
toxie m toxie m
No matter who was actually the best, it's always a good idea to tell the current partner that they blow your mind unlike anyone ever has. White lies are brilliant for relationship padding. I realize that there are exes out there who must have been great in bed, but I definitely do not need to hear that from my boyfriend.
05/23/2011
Dawn (Lilac Distraction) Dawn (Lilac Distraction)
Quote:
Originally posted by salaciousrex
I agree here. Guys just say the stupidest things and don't even realize it. He probably didn't think it would hurt you.


My guy says the stupidest things and he doesn't ever understand why I'm hurt by them. I try to turn it ...
Yeah, when he asked my why my feelings were hurt I asked him how he'd feel if I said something like that and he said he wouldn't care. Sure.

We've both gotten into a stupid habit of reading too much into sexual things. He says I don't seem like I'm pleased enough no matter what he does (which is totally false) and I get upset that he just gives up on actually trying to get some from me because he feels I don't enjoy it.

I love the boy to death and at a whole month it shouldn't be such of an issue but thanks to EF we're having some super fun experiences!
05/24/2011
butterflygirlxo butterflygirlxo
Quote:
Originally posted by Dawn (Lilac Distraction)
It's pretty funny because it was first time someone has said anything like that to me. It's usually them telling me "She was good but you're sooo much better." Even years later exes have told me that they've never had ...
My boyfriend actually says this to me all the time, and its usually when im not giving him his way, pleasing him some how..it really hurts your feelings and for me it makes me not feel so sexy with him in bed i dont even want to try and are sex life is going down hill because of it..its really sad i hope you dont end up like me.. we have been together for 7 years
05/24/2011
butterflygirlxo butterflygirlxo
ooh and when we are having sex and im riding him im the best hes ever had but when its not his way it sucks..
05/24/2011
Sir Sir
Honestly, at one month, you shouldn't be sharing such intense things about your past. The relationship has not developed enough to share those things without getting, like you are now, hurt.

He's with you for a reason. Recognize that. Sometimes, people say things without realizing how they may hurt others. He may have just been making a random comment on it, not saying anything about your skill or your relationship even.

Just tell him that it upset you and move on from it, if the relationship is valuable to you. If it's not (which I can understand, since it's only been a month), then just forget it and don't let it upset you.

Hope that that helps, and I hope that you feel better!
05/24/2011
Petite Valentine Petite Valentine
Quote:
Originally posted by butterflygirlxo
ooh and when we are having sex and im riding him im the best hes ever had but when its not his way it sucks..
You need to have a sit-down talk with that boy. His behavior is manipulative and immature, and it needs to stop.
05/24/2011
cherryredhead88 cherryredhead88
Ouch. I would definitely not like to hear that, I don't care how true they think it is. I agree with what some others have said about the foot in mouth deal, but only being with someone for a month doesn't give much time to know him yet. It could have been a slip on his part, or he could really be like petite valentine said. It's hard to tell because I don't know him, and it will take time before you get to know how he really works too.

I still think he owes you an apology no matter what his intentions were.
05/24/2011
Dawn (Lilac Distraction) Dawn (Lilac Distraction)
Quote:
Originally posted by butterflygirlxo
My boyfriend actually says this to me all the time, and its usually when im not giving him his way, pleasing him some how..it really hurts your feelings and for me it makes me not feel so sexy with him in bed i dont even want to try and are sex life ...
Ouch! That's no good! He seems like he's trying to manipulate you.

You need to have a serious talk with him.
05/25/2011
tffnyandrs tffnyandrs
Quote:
Originally posted by sexygoddess
I might get a little upset about it. But.. I guess it's his opinion.. I'd use it as a challange lol. And besides, you've only been with him for a month.. so you probably don't know all of what he likes and how he likes it.
I agree! Change his mind!!
05/26/2011
kendra30752 kendra30752
I understand how your feelings were hurt. Mine would've been too. I like knowing about everybody my partner has been with, but he's never said anything like that thank God! I think men need to think before they speak. How could he NOT see how hurtful that was. Here's how I would've explained it to my partner had I been in your situation: "Well, it'd be like me saying one of my ex's had the biggest and best penis!" Now that should really make him see where your coming from. He might say oh that don't bother me, but it would! It's not fun to wonder if you're good enough or if you equal up and no woman should ever feel like she's less than. It shouldn't be a competition and he shouldn't have compared like that.
05/26/2011
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