Secret contact after the divorce

  • Get FREE 5 Gifts with Orders $59+

Secret contact after the divorce

kkross65 kkross65
I have been divorced for a couple of years now. I have been seeing someone and things are going well. But I recently received a birthday message from my ex-husband and don't know if I should say anything to my boyfriend. The note didn't mean anything to me - I thanked my ex, but said nothing to my boyfriend. Now I feel dishonest and am afraid if he finds out, it'll look like I was hiding more than I meant - I just didn't want my boyfriend to worry or whatever. It sucks even more that I'm pretty sure my ex-husband doesn't tell his girlfriend that he still contacts me like this. So... do I come clean, saying it's no big deal and apologize for not telling him sooner, or keep my mouth shut and hope he doesn't find out?
03/31/2012
  • Save 20% on Luxury Toys
  • Add Some Buzz To Your Favourite Toy & Save 60% On Kit
  • Pick Any 2 E-Stim Toys, Get 60% Off A Kit
  • Stock Up On Gifts! Save 80%. Limited Quantity
  • Save 60% on Fetish Set
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
All promotions
Nazaress Nazaress
It's really all up to you but in my opinion, you should be honest. I don't get mad when my boyfriend is honest with me, especially if it's something small like that, but I DO get mad if I find out about something he's been hiding, even if it's something small. It's dishonest, in my opinion, and it makes him look like he has something to hide, even when he doesn't. It makes me nervous and worried that there is more to the story or why else would he hide something like that? If it's really no big deal, you should just tell your boyfriend. I'm sure he'd understand and then you wouldn't be hiding anything anymore. Trust me. If he's like most people, he'll be hurt if he finds out you HAVE been hiding something as opposed to just being out with it and that being that. There's no suspicion if you just tell the truth.
03/31/2012
Eliyahu Eliyahu
Better to tell him than for it to come out as a surprise and risk engendering distrust. By telling him, it underscores that it's no big deal - keeping it a secret makes it appear to be a bigger deal than it really is.
03/31/2012
underHim underHim
Better to tell him. It is going to fester and annoy you until you tell him and the longer you do not tell him the more he will probably wonder why you did not tell him sooner.
03/31/2012
Peggi Peggi
I agree, better to tell him now rather than have him find out another way, possibly not from you! Hopefully he isn't a jealous person, but even if he is, maybe if you still have the messages you can show him, just for an added level of comfort.
03/31/2012
kkross65 kkross65
Thanks all; you are right. By not telling him, I'm making it a bigger deal than it really is. Will take care of it today.
04/01/2012
CindyH CindyH
i think you should tell him and insure him it doesnt mean anything
04/01/2012
MamaDivine MamaDivine
Quote:
Originally posted by kkross65
I have been divorced for a couple of years now. I have been seeing someone and things are going well. But I recently received a birthday message from my ex-husband and don't know if I should say anything to my boyfriend. The note didn't ...
If it were me-and this is only my opinion- I would tell my boyfriend. You're right that it might look a little out of place if he DOES find out later on down the road. What happens if you run into the hubby and he says something about his birthday wishes to you in front of this new guy? Not sure what the situation is with you guys, how it ended, etc etc, but I would tell him. Let him know that it didn't lead to anything or mean anything to you. Maybe tell your ex that it is inappropriate to do this sort of thing?

I have an exhusband that does stuff like this, but my current husband knows that I was with this man for 10 years and his family still take me in as their own. he isn't threatened by it though because he knwos full well my intentions or the lack thereof, with the ex. He also knows that since my ex and I have children together, contact is going to be ineveitable. So, its up to you. If this boyfriend of yours cannot take you being honest and open with him, then I would say that things aren't going as well as you might think. He should thank you for being open with him about it. good luck either way you go!
04/02/2012
kkross65 kkross65
Quote:
Originally posted by MamaDivine
If it were me-and this is only my opinion- I would tell my boyfriend. You're right that it might look a little out of place if he DOES find out later on down the road. What happens if you run into the hubby and he says something about his ...
I told him - felt wrong not to. And he was fine. I think had he found out later, though, he wouldn't have been.

Thanks for the great advice, though. Very well said!
04/09/2012
Entropy Entropy
Eh...if you need to ask the question then you're feeling guilty. I'd rather sleep good at night knowing that I've done no harm, than look at myself in the mirror and wonder if I'm hurting someone.
04/12/2012
Total posts: 10
Unique posters: 8