I have a serious question.

butterflygirlxo butterflygirlxo
I was wondaring if a guy can stop loving a girl in 2 days that he has been with for 8 years? My ex and I were together for 8 years. We have been off an on for 8 years. For three months we have been broken up and he was begging for me back, crying telling me he wanted to marry me this time. I took him back. Then a few days later he doesn't text or call me, and later he tells me he met someone. The next day I texted him and he told me he hated me, can't believe he ever loved me, and that this girl makes him the happiest he has ever been and that he loves her?? Really. Anyways he is 27 I'm 23, I was just wondaring if he can just stop loving me?
12/05/2012
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MsDrProfKitty MsDrProfKitty
I don't mean to sound harsh, but based on your other post to...He never really loved you dear. He's purposefully hurting you just because he can and no one who really loves someone will do that to you. Someone who truly loves you won't leave you, or purposefully hurt you, or cut you down like that.

I know you don't know me, but trust me. Your life will be a million times better if you leave this asshole in the dust.
However, this has to be your choice. YOU have to be the one to put your foot down. We here on EF can only provide support and be here to talk to you. You are the one who this is happening to and YOU are the one who can make him stop hurting you via stopping all contact and ties with him.
You are not alone. It will hurt but you are not alone and soon you will feel more whole than you have in 8 years.
12/05/2012
Supervixen Supervixen
A lot of times, people play mind games when they are freshly out of a relationship, and they'll say and do things to see if they can get you back...and then when they get you back, they drop you. Some people can't stand the idea of the other person moving on or not wanting them anymore. It's an ego thing, and a really rotten, immature kind of behavior to engage in. We all feel ego bruised after a break up, but people who can't deal with it themselves and decide to drag their ex or some poor rebound schmuck through the mud with them just to make themselves feel better, are pathetic and childish. Hardly worth your time.

I know eight years is a long time to invest in someone. I was in a long term relationship almost that long, I was super young when it started, and he was my first serious boyfriend. When we broke up, we both behaved irrationally and poorly towards each other. Emotions run high in situations like this, so keeping your distance (not texting, emailing, calling, etc.) is the only way you will ever be able to heal and move on. There's no sense in asking if he just suddenly stopped loving you; people and relationships aren't nearly that simple, and questions like that will simply drive you crazy. You're 23, so that means you started dating him when you were 15--exactly the age I was in my long term relationship! Trust me on this...you WILL find someone who will make you happy, you will be happy again, and you will one day ask yourself why you were so torn up over a guy who begged and pleaded to be taken back, only to drop you like a callous asshole, and who is pathetic and childish enough, at nearly 30 years of age, to tell a woman who he's been with for nearly a decade that he can't stand her while he brags like a little boy about some other woman, who may or may not even exist. Do yourself a favor, and move on. It will take time, and it will be difficult, but you can do it. Breaking up with my long term boyfriend was one of the smartest things I ever did. And I don't look back or regret a thing. You'll get there one day, too.
12/05/2012
Martiniman Martiniman
Quote:
Originally posted by MsDrProfKitty
I don't mean to sound harsh, but based on your other post to...He never really loved you dear. He's purposefully hurting you just because he can and no one who really loves someone will do that to you. Someone who truly loves you won't ... More
Said so perfectly and I fully agree.
12/05/2012
butterflygirlxo butterflygirlxo
i WANT TO KNOW IF SOMEONE CAN STOP LOVING SOMEONE SO QUICK?
12/05/2012
Supervixen Supervixen
Quote:
Originally posted by butterflygirlxo
i WANT TO KNOW IF SOMEONE CAN STOP LOVING SOMEONE SO QUICK?
I know you're upset, but we've been answering your question. I'm sorry if the way we've worded our responses are not what you're looking for, but people, love, relationships and how people react in situations like this are rarely so simple. And in any case, none of us are him. We can't tell you how he really feels. What we can tell you, is that a person who behaves the way that he is behaving, and treats you the way he is treating you, is not worth asking this kind of question.

Sometimes people say and do really hurtful things to the people they love, because they are selfish, they are hurt, and they are acting out in order to protect themselves. It's a cowardly, shitty way to express love towards another person, and it's not worth your time or emotional investment to allow him to get under your skin. Ultimately, his "love" is poisonous to you. You're asking a question as though, if you get the response you don't want to hear, then you'll only end up hurting worse, assuming yourself unworthy when in reality, he's the one who is not worthy. And if you do get the response you want to hear, that it's not possible to stop loving someone so quickly, then that will leave open the door enough for you to cling to a glimmer of hope that he'll come back to you. Either way you cut it, you're only hurting yourself by asking such a question. And either way you cut it, in the long run, it doesn't matter. A person who is mature enough, human enough, brave enough and decent enough to treat the people they love with enough decency to not behave like a scared little boy even when things are at their worse, is not the person in question, based on the situation you are describing.

My ex told me awful things when we broke up. He told me that I was a waste of seven and a half years of his life. That hurt like hell at first, but I then came to realize that he only said it out of his own pain and fear, and emotional confusion with the situation. But did it matter if he loved still? No. It didn't change anything. And whatever he felt was his own business. I couldn't continue to obsess over what he "really" felt, because the more I did that, the less I took care of myself, the less I realized my own self worth, and the less I paid attention to the good people in my life, whose love I could take for granted, because they are decent enough people to never treat me that way.

I know it's hard right now...but think about it. Why are you asking this question? Why does it matter so much to you, ultimately? What will it change if one person says yes or another person says no? I'm not trying to be cruel...I feel for you, I really do. But you are not doing yourself any good by worrying about this question, because what you are really asking, is does he still love you. Nobody here can answer that for you...all we can do is give you support and advice, because it would cruel to do otherwise.
12/06/2012
MsDrProfKitty MsDrProfKitty
Quote:
Originally posted by Supervixen
I know you're upset, but we've been answering your question. I'm sorry if the way we've worded our responses are not what you're looking for, but people, love, relationships and how people react in situations like this are rarely ... More
This response is perfect.

12/06/2012
js250 js250
Quote:
Originally posted by butterflygirlxo
i WANT TO KNOW IF SOMEONE CAN STOP LOVING SOMEONE SO QUICK?
Yep!
When you have become a game to play and an ego trip to use....

The REAL question here is...what are YOU going to do about it? Take the advice of the people on here who care and have tried to help--you actually know the answer to your question--just do not want to acknowledge it.
12/06/2012
AishiteruYO AishiteruYO
Quote:
Originally posted by Supervixen
A lot of times, people play mind games when they are freshly out of a relationship, and they'll say and do things to see if they can get you back...and then when they get you back, they drop you. Some people can't stand the idea of the other ... More
Great advice.
12/09/2012
nova2014 nova2014
I think regardless this is too much emotional stress for any person and if he's doing this to you after 8 years.....maybe you should find someone else? Which might not be what you want to hear but that's my advice
01/24/2013
Total posts: 10
Unique posters: 7