Starting Sex HIM or HER

I understand what you're feeling, as I'm in the same position with my wife. I'll tell you the same thing everyone tells me-- talk to him about it. Good luck!

Sometimes a partner might think it's either the other person's "responsibility" or else they're worried about "forcing" them to have sex when they don't want to.

Again discussion is the way to go.

9 times out of ten, I initiate sex.

maybe he feels that your not ready so he makes you start it, or maybe its more of a turn on for him if you do it. For me it depended on the situation. Sometimes i did, other times he did. Also depends on the guy

My husband thinks it is incredibly hot when I initiate sex. It makes him feel desired, let's him know my exact intentions and that I find him sexy. There were many years where I sort of expected him to read my mind - to know when I wanted it and didn't, and expected him to initiate all of it. Terrible I know, but I am a slow learner you could say. Now it seems like I am the one initiating it because I want it all the time. I practically jump him everytime he is near me.

It's always best to just have a conversation about it. When my husband and I first started dating it was alwasys him who initiated it. It wasn't because I didn't want him, it was because I liked being pursued and didn't really notice that I was never initiating. So then he just stopped initiating it and I took over and just started doing it without even thinking. Eventually it dawned on me that I was always the one starting things! It made me feel like I wasn't wanted and I talked to him about it and he said it was because HE had been feeling unwanted before. If we had just talked we'd have been able to handle the issue without such heartache.

Even after all these years, about a year ago I noticed that I was initiating it more again. I wasn't sure what was up so I talked to him. Well, it turned out that I had been sending signals that made him feel he should back off without me even thinking about it. Like I'd say that my back hurt just randomly, or mention a headache. He would then not pursue sex thinking he was being respectful of me not feeling well. But the thing is, sex doesn't make my back hurt any more or make a headache worse..it RELIEVES those pains.

You know its the same way between me and the hubs. I usually am the one to initiate sex. And you know we are still working on it. But you know, Im learning that it doesnt really matter who initiates. He still wants me and only me and when are together, boy oh boy does he appreciate me ;-)

Try talking to him and just let him know, gently, how you feel. I tried the point blank method and found it didnt work. But just let him know how you feel..also, dont worry too much about it. I know that is easier said than done

I hear ya! I'm almost always the one to start things. I would really like it if this wasn't so. I gave up a long time ago complaining about it. It is what it is.

I agree with the other posts on here. Talk to him. I used to have this problem with my husband but when we talked about it things got better. He said he didn't ant to push when I wasn't in the mood but if I started things he was always good to go.

Another idea if you're not sure how to have the conversation is to write him a letter about how you feel. I do that sometimes because when I get nervous or stressed I get flustered when speaking, but I know I can be articulate when I write. Give him the letter and have him read it and then you guys can talk about it. Or maybe develop some kind of code word or signal (setting the lube out?) that you guys can use to let each other know you're in the mood. It's cheesy but sometimes, you have to be creative! Good luck.

It's about 80/20 in his favor. I do love having sex, I just have to be really horny to start the act and I'm not that horny all that often.

I agree. Try to talk about it. With us, it's always changing, and a few months ago it got to where we joked he was constantly chasing me around with a stiffy, which was flattering at first but then got old. So we opted to have me initiate for a while. Now I feel better, and so we're back to whoever wants it can initiate it. A good talk can clear the air, and maybe you'll even be able to laugh about it while you're solving the issue! Best wishes!

most of the time I do. It has always been like that. Some nights she will wake me up by sitting on my face scared me at first, but still a nice way to be woken up. I wish she would initiate it more often.

My husband usually leaves it up to me to start things.

Maybe try leading him on a bit, or politely bring up to him how you feel. Communication is key from my experiences.

My bf used to be the initiater but since he has started his new job, he's been extremely exhausted and not his usual self.

I think I initiate sex about 75% of the time and he agrees to sex about 20% of the time I offer. Where as he offers about 25% of the time and I agree to 75% of the time he offers.

A little lopsided I know, but I assume things will get better once we settle down in a few months.

I don't think it is an issue. I am a man and generally leave it up to my partner to start things. It is not because I find her less desirable I just don't want to play the Barry White. I don't think it's a great look.

We both start it, depends on who is the hornier mood that day.