Tell future hubby my dirty little secret????

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Tell future hubby my dirty little secret????

curiousquest2809 curiousquest2809
I am 28 years old, engaged and very much in love with my future hubby. We have been together for nine years, engaged for four… getting married this April. We have lived together for the past eight years pretty much living like husband and wife. He is divorced and has a teen son who lives full time with us. We have no children together. This is my first and only serious relationship. He is also eight years older than I am. In the beginning our sex life was like a dirt porn movie, now it’s the same o same o and well needs a major make over. He enjoys sex, is able to finish and wants is from me every day if I gave it to him. Me on the other hand, I never demanded or requested pleasure for me, I never told him what I like or how I want it, not even in the beginning so now we have a muncho problem. I do not want to have sex just to pleasure him anymore, which I have mastered, everything he loves. I want pleasure I want crazy hot lovemaking, but we cannot seem to get it right. I cannot completely blame him since I never really explained to him what I truly want…BTW …I am very shy and self-consciences. I am also a big girl, always have been even when we first met. This is in no way a problem because I always make sure our lovemaking happens in the dark. He has told me he doest care; he loves how I look and loves every bit of me. He would love to have sex in the light. So, now here comes the dirty side…I have a wild side he doest know about. I have caught him watching porn, and I sometimes give him grief about it; while all along I look at the stuff myself. I have always watched porn and masturbated to it, this started when I was a teenager. I love all types of porn all types of fetishes. I love masturbating to bondage, domination, bi-sex, you name I love it and am turned on by it…the dirtier the better. The simple stuff turns me on too, I love watching women and love love love to masturbate. The future hubby knows nothing about this. I would love to try some stuff I have watched but the thought of sharing it with him scares the crap out of me. He is no prune either…he loves sex too. I am just so fudging shy. The other thing is I am so turned on by women, I am absolutely sure I am bi, or at least bi-curious. I would never leave him, for a woman I love men I love my man, just secretly love looking at woman as well. The only thing is I could not tell him this, because him ex-wife left him when she realized she was a lesbian. Oh my, there a lot going on here…any thoughts?
01/13/2012
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Nazaress Nazaress
It doesn't sound to me like you're anything more than a normal human being, certainly not a "wild" person or someone with a "dirty little secret". You like to watch porn and masturbate. So do tons of men and women. You're bisexual, or at least bi-curious. So are tons of men and women. You shouldn't worry so much about it because you're normal.

Onto your dilemma. There is a HUGE difference between his ex-wife leaving him because she's a lesbian and you being bisexual/bi-curious. Lesbians do not like men, whereas bisexuals/bi-curious people do. Well, in most cases. I consider myself a lesbian with a boyfriend but that's a whole other story. Lol. But I digress. Speaking from experience, men love women who love women. It is the fantasy of many men to have a threesome with two women. My boyfriend is one of them and your fiance may be, as well. Don't be afraid and just tell him. You'll never know until you try. He obviously loves you and he'll accept you no matter what if he does. And you might be surprised by his response. He knows you love men. You know you love men. So there's nothing to worry about when it comes to a little experimentation.

Good luck and I hope he reacts the way you want him to!
01/13/2012
Midway through Midway through
Quote:
Originally posted by Nazaress
It doesn't sound to me like you're anything more than a normal human being, certainly not a "wild" person or someone with a "dirty little secret". You like to watch porn and masturbate. So do tons of men and women. ...
I agree with all points in this post.

You won't be happy with your sex life unless you open up to him. You're going to be MARRIED... but you're still keeping who you ARE secret in a way. You don't deserve that, neither does he. If you open up, sex can be more pleasurable for BOTH of you.
01/13/2012
Ghost Ghost
It seems to me that the real problem is a lack of self esteem on your part. There is nothing wrong with talking about what interests you and asking for it. Maybe some things he won't agree with? Fine, that's ok. You say your weight isn't a problem because you always make love in the dark... stop being so hard on yourself. What's the good of attaching yourself to someone (potentially for the rest of your life) who doesn't love you the way you are and doesn't want to look at you in the light? And also, what's the good of having a relationship focused solely on his pleasure, while you ignore yours? Please, consider taking some time to focus on yourself and what you want, rather than focusing on other people.

Relationships (healthy, fulfilling ones for BOTH PEOPLE) aren't built on lies, secrecy and self loathing.
01/13/2012
Kynky Kytty Kynky Kytty
I agree with their comments, but I do not think it's fair that you frown on his porn use while you do it as well. He won't think less of you if he knows you watch some too. My boyfriend gets turned on when I'm the one picking the videos.

You know he loves you, and from my experience when a guy has the opportunity to please his partner, it drives them WILD. Talk to him, and you can even introduce what you like through some porn. At first tell him you're sorry about the porn thing, and you'd feel better being there when he watches porn, if you're interested that is, and that you'd like to show him a few things. Then talk about what you've watched and decide what you are both ready to try.

Love yourself more, hun, and start exploring your sex life, you deserve it.
01/13/2012
Hallmar82 Hallmar82
First things first, you need to tell him something, anything about how you feel. If you don't want to go into every little dirty detail, don't. But you have to start talking to him. If you keep your feelings to yourself any longer, it's going to start causing problems. You're going to become angry or depressed and then it starts hurting him too. This really could be something that tears your marriage apart if you don't deal with it. If you're too shy to just start talking about it over dinner, try a product on EF that will help to slowly introduce a little kink into your bedroom like a sexy game like Lust! or 52 Weeks of Naughty Nights or both. While introducing new ideas or toys, talk about it with him. Tell him what you liked or what you would like to do next. It may take a couple of years after you're married before you finally tell him everything, but you got to start now.
01/13/2012
SugarAndSpice SugarAndSpice
Quote:
Originally posted by Midway through
I agree with all points in this post.

You won't be happy with your sex life unless you open up to him. You're going to be MARRIED... but you're still keeping who you ARE secret in a way. You don't deserve that, neither does he. ...
This. You cannot keep hiding that part of yourself. It will only cause you to be unhappy. Perhaps he will be very happy to learn about this other side of you. I know in my relationship, it took awhile for me to reveal my full "dirty" side to him, but I was glad I did. I think now that he is on the same wave-length as me we are happier and our sex life is better than ever.
01/18/2012
SugarAndSpice SugarAndSpice
Quote:
Originally posted by Midway through
I agree with all points in this post.

You won't be happy with your sex life unless you open up to him. You're going to be MARRIED... but you're still keeping who you ARE secret in a way. You don't deserve that, neither does he. ...
This. You cannot keep hiding that part of yourself. It will only cause you to be unhappy. Perhaps he will be very happy to learn about this other side of you. I know in my relationship, it took awhile for me to reveal my full "dirty" side to him, but I was glad I did. I think now that he is on the same wave-length as me we are happier and our sex life is better than ever.
01/18/2012
Tangerine Tangerine
Quote:
Originally posted by curiousquest2809
I am 28 years old, engaged and very much in love with my future hubby. We have been together for nine years, engaged for four… getting married this April. We have lived together for the past eight years pretty much living like husband and wife. He ...
I say if you are going to be married to him> out with the honesty. It may go alot better than you think. Let him know. If you are too shy write a letter. BUt you should really tell him how you like it and what you want sexually.
01/19/2012
Hot 'N Sexy TexasMama Hot 'N Sexy TexasMama
I don't see why you don't tell him. I mean - I do - but its not like it will shock him if it is stuff he watches in the porn anyway!

I have fantasies that my husband can not fulfill because for him to do them - it means to reach down into that angry part that he blocked for years due to growing up in an abusive home. It literally hurts him even if we "play" at anger and bondage and punishment and stuff like that.

But there are other things we've discussed (for instance- we're not into anal play - but I do sometimes like him lightly fingering my ass) that really turn him on and he could do it.

I think for the sake of your marriage, you need to sit down and talk to him about these things BEFORE you get married.

So what if you're curious about what it would be like to be with a woman....you don't have to share that with him now - you could start by sharing the other stuff you think he might be ok with from the porn he watches, etc.

I do think though that it isn't right for you to get on him about watching porn when you like to do it also.

We (as a couple) don't watch porn and it's our choice and a decision we made. I would love to watch Strip-offs - we watched them like almost 30 years ago on the Playboy channel a couple of times with friends. I love watching dancing and I love watching guys strip.

But my honey isn't comfortable with it - so I don't do it.

Then again -I don't "need" it. I just happen to like it.

I think there is a big difference between "need" and "like".
01/20/2012
~LaUr3n~ ~LaUr3n~
I am shocked that you've been together that long and you keep that much from him. If you can't tell him these things, I honestly think you shouldn't get married yet. I want to marry the person I can feel comfortable telling anything to, not the one I have to hide things from. You NEED to share these things or your sex life will become even more dull. I'm sure he will be fucking delighted to know! You need to share yourself with him before you get married, not hide.
01/20/2012
K101 K101
Quote:
Originally posted by Ghost
It seems to me that the real problem is a lack of self esteem on your part. There is nothing wrong with talking about what interests you and asking for it. Maybe some things he won't agree with? Fine, that's ok. You say your weight isn't ...
Yes, I agree. I know it's hard having problems with yourself, but being with someone who doesn't help you see yourself as wonderful is only going to make it worse. There is a lot to what you said up there, but I mostly agree with what this person said. I'd be more worried about intimacy and kind of starting over without lies and such rather than worry about watching porn.

Also, it's true that you NEED to share all these things with him. After I posted this comment I started thinking... what if my partner was keeping these kinds of secrets from me in the 5 years we've been together. If we were about to get married even just after our 5 years together, I wuold absolutely FLIP if I found out he had kept SOO much from me. The truth is, I would lose a little trust for him if he'd been so secretive for so very long. I'd think there were some real problems as to why he kept them and I'd put off the wedding until we had stuff out in the open, straight and had talked thoroughly about each other's feelings after the lies have come out.
01/20/2012
Beck Beck
Quote:
Originally posted by Midway through
I agree with all points in this post.

You won't be happy with your sex life unless you open up to him. You're going to be MARRIED... but you're still keeping who you ARE secret in a way. You don't deserve that, neither does he. ...
I agree with this statement too and the one she agreed with.

You need to open up!
01/20/2012
unfulfilled unfulfilled
You have to open up or it will cause all sorts of problems down the road.

Good luck and I'm sure it will go better than you expect.
01/20/2012
Ms. Spice Ms. Spice
Quote:
Originally posted by ~LaUr3n~
I am shocked that you've been together that long and you keep that much from him. If you can't tell him these things, I honestly think you shouldn't get married yet. I want to marry the person I can feel comfortable telling anything to, ...
Seriously. If you're not prepared to discuss with him your self esteem issues and your desires, you really need to rethink the idea of marriage.

A successful marriage isn't based just on him getting off, but both of your enjoying yourselves. You're going to get sick of it very quickly, and possibly develop a wandering eye, if you don't tell him your needs.

Good luck.
01/20/2012
Ryuson Ryuson
I feel like you have a lot of suggestions here, but I don't see one that I thought of; why don't you suggest watching some pornography together? You could do a deal where you go down to your local whateveryouhave and both pick one out, have it be a surprise. When you both do it like that, it would be a great way to learn about what the other likes to watch/think about. You could agree to not criticize eachother about what you two pick, but you would have to fight down your self-esteem issues.
01/20/2012
Total posts: 16
Unique posters: 15