This Is Personal - How To Get Intimate More Often?

The New Intimacy

This Is Personal - How To Get Intimate More Often?

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Contributor: LuckyLady LuckyLady
So...how do you get intimate more often? I know it's quality over quantity but our bedroom life has been pretty minimal. These are some factors: By the way, we're 24 and married.

1. He works all day 6 days a week, comes home, winds down and plays video games for a couple of hours then goes to bed. Rinse & Repeat. He's tired, over-worked, and just want to jerk and pass out.
2. I got him his first ever sex toys and I'm now jealous of them. He jerks before he goes to bed most nights (same as before, really) because it puts him to sleep and he doesn't have to "do the work" but he and I don't have sex often like we used to. I thought maybe if I got him a toy he'd be interested in experiencing new things and would be more interested in mutual stimulation.
3. I've been giving him oral and cow-girl more often so he didn't have to "do any work" but his drive is down.
4. We're limited to the bedroom. (roommate)
5. He's not cheating. Trust me.
6. He's not really an iniatiator, i'm usually initiating, sometimes he follows through, sometimes he leaves me high and dry. well, wet.

How do I romance this guy? LOL. I could reaaaallllly use some advice from married couples. Any guys want to pipe in!? I guess I really need to know how I can get laid if my guy is tired all of the time. Any suggestions on how to peak his interests?
xoxo!
01/27/2013
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Contributor: js250 js250
I do have an appointment in awhile--but will answer this when I get back. Maybe I can add a couple ideas that helped my relationship out in the past.
01/27/2013
Contributor: LuckyLady LuckyLady
Quote:
Originally posted by js250
I do have an appointment in awhile--but will answer this when I get back. Maybe I can add a couple ideas that helped my relationship out in the past.
sounds good =)
01/27/2013
Contributor: js250 js250
Sorry it took a bit to get back to you. Please keep in mind, I might not state everything properly--I am not judging or trying to be harsh in any way, but it may come out like that occasionally.

1. What do you do when he goes to masturbate?
--The hardest thing I have ever done sexually with my husband was masturbate in front of him the first few times. Or let him know I was going to have a 'solo'. I started be leaving the room BEFORE him, getting my pocket rocket and letting him know I was running solo and let him sit there and think about it... Then when he decided that if I was soloing he wanted to as well, I agreed to lay with my head at the foot of the bed while he lay normally and we watched each other pleasure ourselves. It got much easier the more we did that!!! Also--NO TOUCHING!! The hands off during solos made it hotter than hell and really built up tension only one thing could take care of, sex!!! The anticipation was un-fricken-believable. ...

2. Make HIS toys your friends. You cannot be jealous of his toys--you have your own. Put your sexual frustration to the side for two weeks...give him a hot handjob and do not have sex. Let him relax and take it---nothing at all expected or allowed in return. Use his toys for these times--and try them on you, experiment with ideas and sensations.

3. When he leaves you wet--grab your toy in bed and satisfy yourself. Grab his hand and get yourself off with it, you do all the moving of his hand--he lays there(and thinks about it later...).

4. Monday, Wed. Friday are game nights for him, spoil him all night. Tuesday and Thursday are couple nights--lay in bed and play a board game, card game, watch porn or read sexy stories out loud to each other. No pressure for sex--that does make it undesirable after awhile. Snuggle over a movie, have dinner in bed--go for a short car ride and surprise him orally when you stop. You are allowed to not wear panties and have a bullet vibe or other tiny toy already going for your satisfaction. (I got comfortable enough to pull his side of my skirt up and thoroughly 'tease' myself with a vibe while he was otherwise occupied at a stoplight, parking lot--mostly deserted--or when we stopped.

5. Once you two start relaxing and getting the emphasis off penile penetration, the more it will happen (pressure to perform is off), and the more you will find other satisfying sexual adventures together. This really does add a ton of intimacy and closeness to the relationship!!!

Good luck, let me know if you have questions, want to vent or talk and if this helped. Huge hugs!!!
01/28/2013
Contributor: shorejen9 shorejen9
First of all, it is normal for couples to experience this lull. Js250 has some great suggestions and I would try those. The thing about it that bothers me is you say he doesn't want to do to work and sex shouldn't be considered work.... Ever. There are times my husband and/or I are too tired. We still want each other but its not going to happen but we don't have any release we wait. Anticipation is a wonderful thing! Good luck.
01/28/2013
Contributor: LuckyLady LuckyLady
Thanks for the responses! We normally give each other privacy when we masturbate but I've been more comfortable doing it beside him. So, I'm trying to be more and more comfortable. He's not very comfortable doing it but I think maybe the more I show how comfortable it is he'll lose the awkwardness and feel more comfortable. thanks for the suggestions, I'll try some!
01/28/2013