We're not getting along well right now,advice

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We're not getting along well right now,advice

kinky girlfriend kinky girlfriend
Ok been dating my boyfriend a few years..but latly we haven't been getting along.

There were several things that it's about. One thing He told me I have no self control I told him "Oh I'll show you some self control" he saids I doubt that the more he says it the more I really want to show him. I have ideas in mind and some are kind of extreme,but I think I need to play mean for a while.

also he was talking and I asked some questions and the answers hurt my feelings and he told me not to ask the question if I didn't want to hear the answere and not to get mad at him. I said I didn't know what the answere was going to be to the question but they hurt my feelings I told him that and also all he was making me feel like doing was going home and crying,but I didn't last until the end of my work shift to go home and cry. I really hate when people ask whats wrong or point out I seem to be in a bad mood. I really hate being talked to and really want to be left alone ESPECIALLY at work.

Then I said oh I will show you self control and I will be keeping ALOT more to myself. I really think I need to play mean for a while to show him about the self control thing. I want to show him I do have self control and teach him a lesson in self control. Next time he is over I plan on watching a movie or playing nintendo ds games together,but I will be wearing something sexy and not touch him,and warn him if he touches me I will smack him and it will leave a mark,just a red mark,maybe a small bruise. I have whiper tickler and the whip fell out and got lost ages ago so the rod I will smack him in the hand or arm.He gets high and bye at work no kisses or hugs,and I will only speak if spoken to. I might tell him he can give me a backrub,while I'm in peephole lingerie but he is not alout to touch anywhere else I hope he feels the sting and torture of it.
07/10/2010
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Sir Sir
I do not understand. Are you needing help with what to do, or do you have it all figured out?
07/10/2010
kinky girlfriend kinky girlfriend
Quote:
Originally posted by Sir
I do not understand. Are you needing help with what to do, or do you have it all figured out?
I guess I'm asking if It sounds like a good way to handle it.
07/10/2010
Sir Sir
Quote:
Originally posted by kinky girlfriend
I guess I'm asking if It sounds like a good way to handle it.
No, it's not. You're making non-sexual problems into sexual problems. What exactly is the problem that you are having with your partner? You did not exactly specify.
07/10/2010
kinky girlfriend kinky girlfriend
Quote:
Originally posted by Sir
No, it's not. You're making non-sexual problems into sexual problems. What exactly is the problem that you are having with your partner? You did not exactly specify.
they are sexual problems he says I have no self control may not all be about sex but he means in most every way. he means self control about hugs at work or touching and when he comes over once or twice a week I have to have it.
07/10/2010
Sir Sir
Quote:
Originally posted by kinky girlfriend
they are sexual problems he says I have no self control may not all be about sex but he means in most every way. he means self control about hugs at work or touching and when he comes over once or twice a week I have to have it.
Alright. Self control in terms of everything? Meaning solely sexual, or other things too? I do not know that it's possible that you cannot have self control with EVERYTHING, that's a bit of a stretch.
07/10/2010
El-Jaro El-Jaro
Agree with Sir.

This also isn't the first time you've mentioned something going on with your boyfriend. If you notice that a lot of little things add up or something small bothers you more than it should, it's time to talk or be really honest with yourself. Then again, it might be on his side too.

Remember: Sometimes the easiest person to lie to is yourself.
07/10/2010
kinky girlfriend kinky girlfriend
Quote:
Originally posted by Sir
Alright. Self control in terms of everything? Meaning solely sexual, or other things too? I do not know that it's possible that you cannot have self control with EVERYTHING, that's a bit of a stretch.
I'm kind of confused..not everything sorry, most of it was about needing attention from like hugs kisses,intimate stuff. That I can't go without it because I have no self control and you know that song "your love is my drug" well its by keisha,like he thinks of that as me in the song talking about him
07/10/2010
Sir Sir
Quote:
Originally posted by kinky girlfriend
I'm kind of confused..not everything sorry, most of it was about needing attention from like hugs kisses,intimate stuff. That I can't go without it because I have no self control and you know that song "your love is my drug" well ...
Then maybe you need to calm your jets and give him a little space. I do not know the situation as you're still not really giving the story of what's going on, but if he's giving you hints that it's "too much" for him, then you either need to back off or find someone who can give you what you need.
07/10/2010
kinky girlfriend kinky girlfriend
Quote:
Originally posted by Sir
Then maybe you need to calm your jets and give him a little space. I do not know the situation as you're still not really giving the story of what's going on, but if he's giving you hints that it's "too much" for him, then ...
I don't know what else there is to say about the situation..maybe I can think of wat I forgot..bascially I feel like he thinks I can't do it and that I'm dependant on him like "his love is my drug" WEll I'm going to give him his space times 2.
07/10/2010
kinky girlfriend kinky girlfriend
Quote:
Originally posted by kinky girlfriend
I don't know what else there is to say about the situation..maybe I can think of wat I forgot..bascially I feel like he thinks I can't do it and that I'm dependant on him like "his love is my drug" WEll I'm going to give him his space times 2.
oh ya and he was talking about he has some secrets but would tell me if I was more trustworthy and that he doesnt even trust his own family..I feel pretty detached or distant. I know I'm trustworthy and can keep a secret. I don't cheat or lie I just feel he doesn't think that well of me I guess and I'm basically wanting to show him my self control to the extreme and even teach him a lesson in self control
07/10/2010
Sir Sir
Quote:
Originally posted by kinky girlfriend
oh ya and he was talking about he has some secrets but would tell me if I was more trustworthy and that he doesnt even trust his own family..I feel pretty detached or distant. I know I'm trustworthy and can keep a secret. I don't cheat or lie ...
Well, if you think that this is the right course of action to take, then you can do that. But it honestly sounds a bit retaliatory and malicious.
07/10/2010
kinky girlfriend kinky girlfriend
Quote:
Originally posted by Sir
Well, if you think that this is the right course of action to take, then you can do that. But it honestly sounds a bit retaliatory and malicious.
well I'll let you know how it goes. I'm just determined to do the self control to totally oposite of wat he thinks of me and maybe he will be like wow its me begging for lovin now..
07/10/2010
Blinker Blinker
Quote:
Originally posted by kinky girlfriend
well I'll let you know how it goes. I'm just determined to do the self control to totally oposite of wat he thinks of me and maybe he will be like wow its me begging for lovin now..
Or he will think "She is just playing games with me" and he will leave you or make the situation worse.

No one likes GAMES. They are immature and no one gets what they want. Have an actual conversation with your boyfriend. Maybe that will help.
07/10/2010
Sir Sir
Quote:
Originally posted by Blinker
Or he will think "She is just playing games with me" and he will leave you or make the situation worse.

No one likes GAMES. They are immature and no one gets what they want. Have an actual conversation with your boyfriend. Maybe that will help.
That's what I was thinking too.
07/10/2010
kinky girlfriend kinky girlfriend
Quote:
Originally posted by Blinker
Or he will think "She is just playing games with me" and he will leave you or make the situation worse.

No one likes GAMES. They are immature and no one gets what they want. Have an actual conversation with your boyfriend. Maybe that will help.
sorry when someone tells me I can't do something I want to do it twice as hard especially after they repeatedly slap me in the face with I can't do it.
07/10/2010
Alicia Alicia
Quote:
Originally posted by Blinker
Or he will think "She is just playing games with me" and he will leave you or make the situation worse.

No one likes GAMES. They are immature and no one gets what they want. Have an actual conversation with your boyfriend. Maybe that will help.
Exactly, these all sound like games, and games never solve anything.

Honestly I think the sooner that you accept that, the better off you will be.

You can't control how someone feels. And he's right that if you can't handle the answer you shouldn't ask the question. What that means is that if you are not prepared for what the worst possible answer COULD be, then don't ask.

As for him telling you that he doesn't like hugs and stuff at work and wanting self control. If you flip out and turn that into a mind game all it's going to do is make him not want to tell you anything anymore. He'll figure you can't handle it and he'll not say anything..which in turn could trigger a break up.
07/10/2010
kinky girlfriend kinky girlfriend
Quote:
Originally posted by Alicia
Exactly, these all sound like games, and games never solve anything.

Honestly I think the sooner that you accept that, the better off you will be.

You can't control how someone feels. And he's right that if you can't handle ...
well I've cooled off and just want to talk and maybe with time he'll feel diffrently about some things but anyway I don't want to talk or dwell on this anymore just want to go about my days
07/11/2010
P'Gell P'Gell
Quote:
Originally posted by kinky girlfriend
I guess I'm asking if It sounds like a good way to handle it.
No, it isn't. You are playing games rather than dealing with the issues.

You CAN'T "teach" him anything. He's an adult, so are you. The ONLY thing the two of you can do is to be honest with each other.

Playing games by withholding sex is the Death Knell of a relationship. It he was referring to "no self control" because you always say yes to sex, he's a pig and a chauvinist, because he says yes just as much. People should be honest when and if they want to have sex. If your drive is stronger than his, it has NOTHING to do with "self control" it your sex drive, which is what is it. If he was talking about something else, then I have no idea what.

I can tell you're hurting right now, but playing games has never, in the history of the world helped a single relationship. Either work it out honestly or say your good byes. And yes, he is right about ONE thing. Don't ask questions you ONLY want to hear a pre-planned answer to. He has the right not to answer, but if his answer isn't what you thought he "should" say, it's still the way he feels and he is only being honest.

Maybe you need some time to think this over, because what you have planned is juvenile and will only hurt both of you in the end. If it has come to this and you can't think of an HONEST way to resolve your differences, then take a break and don't try to "teach him" anything by hurting him. You can't "teach" anyone anything with intentionally inflicted pain.

Honey, two wrongs don't make a right, and playing games by withholding sex will only damage your relationship more.

Maybe it's time to be on your own for a while, stop identifying yourself by your boyfriend, find out who YOU are, and take a stand on your own before you completely destroy whatever is left between you. Better to break it off before it gets ugly than wait until you two can't stand each other. That or honestly talk it out. Games never helped anyone.
07/15/2010
kinky girlfriend kinky girlfriend
Quote:
Originally posted by P'Gell
No, it isn't. You are playing games rather than dealing with the issues.

You CAN'T "teach" him anything. He's an adult, so are you. The ONLY thing the two of you can do is to be honest with each other.

Playing ...
Everythings fine now..Don't remember what we said Just remember talking to him in my free time at work. But I was probly over reacting or taking something wrong I was on my period that week. ANyway,saw him yesterday and had a nice time.

oh yea while I was on my period,he was stressed and upset about his vehicle problems and getting home because he lives over and hour away, and he had to take care/feed the animals because everyone else was gone for 2 weeks.
07/16/2010
Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
Quote:
Originally posted by kinky girlfriend
Everythings fine now..Don't remember what we said Just remember talking to him in my free time at work. But I was probly over reacting or taking something wrong I was on my period that week. ANyway,saw him yesterday and had a nice time.

oh ...
I know you rpobably want to just forget this whole thing happened and I can sympathise with you in that. The thing is you sound like me a few years back. I would ask a question and then beat the crap out of Sigel for being honest with me. My Dad's advice was the best: If you can't stand the answer don't ask the question. If you make it hard for a person to be honest with you then they'll stop trying.
On a better front let me warn you gently, when you start using sex and intimacy (two vastly different ideas) to control your partner, or to get a point across, you will create a battleground. The war is un-winable and while you might still be together you will make yourselves and those around you miserable. My parents are a prime example of this choice. He makes her mad she spends money wildly to "punish" him and he with holds intimacy to punish her (making her mad) and then she spends even more. She believes this is the best way to deal with the issue and has repeatedly told me to do the same thing to my husband.
The better answer is to swallow your pride and just listen to what he has to say...even if he doesn't return the favor. Just listen without emotion and without defending yourself. Right or wrong he is feeling these things and in the act of telling an unemotional you all about how he feels he might realize how petty he is being and appologise. For your part understand he MIGHT be right! Maybe not 100% but there might be some small kernal of truth in what he's feeling that could help you better yourself, if not then understand he's entitled to his opinions and you don't have to agree. The more you model good listening skills for him the more he'll be able to mirror them back to you. That's how to truly grow a relationship into something amazing.
I do hope it was just a burst of emotional hormones for you both and everything is working out better. If you need a sounding board just drop me an email! I'm getting real good at listening!
Peace and love to you both.
07/17/2010
~LaUr3n~ ~LaUr3n~
You already know how I feel about this hunny! I'm there for you!
07/17/2010
kinky girlfriend kinky girlfriend
Quote:
Originally posted by Airen Wolf
I know you rpobably want to just forget this whole thing happened and I can sympathise with you in that. The thing is you sound like me a few years back. I would ask a question and then beat the crap out of Sigel for being honest with me. My ...
ok everyone it's all done over and things are great now.. wish I could just delete this thread so people can sto dwelling on this..I'm not pretending it didn'g happen its just we are great right now and I'm tired of this discussion.
07/17/2010
PassionQT PassionQT
Quote:
Originally posted by Blinker
Or he will think "She is just playing games with me" and he will leave you or make the situation worse.

No one likes GAMES. They are immature and no one gets what they want. Have an actual conversation with your boyfriend. Maybe that will help.
Sounds like the two of you might need a break if these issues are overshadowing why the two of you are together in the first place, and neither of you is willing to sit down and talk it over rationally. It's OK to take some time apart to figure out if you are right for each other.

I'm not sure what your exact situation is, but playing games, withholding, etc.. will only make things worse, not better. I was 23 when I married my ex and it was an emotionally abusive/borderline physically abusive relationship. I got out after counseling did not work and I realized he had deeper issues that I could not help him with.

Good luck. I hope you find a solution.
07/17/2010
Illusional Illusional
Quote:
Originally posted by Sir
Then maybe you need to calm your jets and give him a little space. I do not know the situation as you're still not really giving the story of what's going on, but if he's giving you hints that it's "too much" for him, then ...
I agree with this post.
07/22/2010
Sera Sera
Quote:
Originally posted by kinky girlfriend
Ok been dating my boyfriend a few years..but latly we haven't been getting along.

There were several things that it's about. One thing He told me I have no self control I told him "Oh I'll show you some self control" he ...
There's a couple negative comments on this forum, so I won't be agreeing or repeating them. I would hit him so hard if he talked to me like that. That's abuse, and no one deserves it. You shouldn't have to control yourself with your husband/lover. That's your best friend right there. You know each other's secrets, you know? I tell my husband everything. All my other friends ditched me when I got pregnant last year, but Jonathan has always stood by me, even after how young we are. If he speaks to you like this again, you should hit him in the fuckin dick.
08/01/2010
Total posts: 26
Unique posters: 11