What do you think is the MOST critical element in a LONG TERM happy relationship?

I agree with having the same values. My husband and I naturally agree on many issues which means neither of us will do anything to hurt the other because of this.

I'd also add good communication. This is something we had to learn as it doesn't come naturally (at least not in a healthy way) to either of us. It's taken a few years and we are still perfecting our skills, but better communication has brought us closer and created greater harmony in our home.

Love. We're still in love after many many years.

love, and then values and lifestyle habits, humor is good too though

Honesty, in all its forms. This means no lying, cheating, stealing, or anything dishonest and deceitful. I love my boyfriend to death. We share a lot of the same values and have many of the same interests. We find each other humorous and we like spending time together. That's all well and good but it's not going to keep us together if he keeps lying and cheating on me. He's done so three times already and recently lied about where he was going to be when he was away from me, which led me to believe he is cheating on me again (though he says he isn't and just wanted some time alone). And so, I'd say that honesty is the MOST important aspect to a lasting, successful relationship, though obviously others (like love) are needed for the relationship to even have a chance at succeeding.

We've been married now for 33 years and we've had our ups and our downs with lots of downs. Several times we stayed together because we couldn't afford to split up (plus deep inside we knew that we could make it through the storm if we just hung in there).

We've talked about this several times and we feel the most important aspect of our relationship is commitment. We are committed to stay with each other(divorce never even comes up anymore...although murder might be threatened) though thick and thin (and right now we're both thick and trying to get thin...but that's another topic).

We've found that we can weather any problem and make it back through the cycles we go through to find those feelings of love - if we remember our commitment and just stick to it.

One thing that is funny is that even after all these years - we struggle with communicating sometimes and even today we had a near blow-up about something. When he walked back in the door (he'd been up to our son's helping with the vehicle), I kept telling myself, "I am feeling hurt and angry and I can act on those feelings and make us both miserable and rip him a new one...or I can choose to let it go and understand that what I'm experiencing are 'feelings' and not let them run my life or my actions." I chose to smile and have us all go to lunch (our daughter lives with us). She got up to get more at the buffet when he turned to me and said, "I know I really pissed you off and I'm sorry. I know we don't communicate well and I need to work on it."

I had tears in my eyes. I could have argued my point and helped create a fight..but by giving him time to think through things...he is the one who opened up the subject.

I explained that I wasn't trying to show that I was pissed and that I was trying to get over it 'cause I didn't want to run my life by feelings...and he said, "I could hear it in your voice. You were trying to be sweet, but I knew you were hurt."

We talked more later on.

It reminds me that communication is a great thing and it's something I'd love to see us have more of - but that deep commitment we have to stay together and try to focus on "we" and not "me"...that's what makes us work.

It's gonna tear me apart when I leave this coming weekend to close up mom's apartment and be gone about 2 weeks. I'll get back about the time he heads off on his motorcycle for his brother's wedding.

I'm glad we have the next few days to just celebrate together now that we've worked through things - vs. being mad for days which we've done before.

I'll close this with a short story I read somewhere years ago. Someone asked the evangelist Billy Graham's wife about their marriage and the success of it and at one point they asked if she'd ever considered divorce (Billy traveled a lot and she was home with the kids all the time). She said (with a smile), "Divorce? No. Murder? Possibly..."

We quote that to each other sometimes when we get frustrated...cause it makes us laugh.

Having a similar outlook on life and goals.

The top 3 things off the top of my head (in no particular order): honesty, communication and a sense of commitment. I can't narrow it down anymore than that, because I really think those 3 things are vital. They've helped us through some very bleak times.

My partner and I have a really intense relationship, even though he's gone a lot. He's in the Marine Corps and is currently stationed in Japan, and will be for the next two years. It's hard, but I can't imagine leaving him or being with anyone else. I think the key factor in my relationship is just how strong our bond is and how connected we are even without physical togetherness. A lot of people can't do long distance, but I guess we're just well-suited for it.

The most important thing for us is shared commitment. We trust each other. We can count on each other. We say we're sorry when we've hurt the other. We communicate. Been together almost 39 years.

love and honesty

Honesty for sure. Also it helps to genuinely like your partner/spouse, I have know far too many people who love and are in love with someone that they don't really like very much (Strange but true). I also find that laughing together and just sharing the same space helps.

our relationship is built on trust and honesty.

Nothing else matters if you have this.

Communication, since without it, you end up talking at each other and causing stress