What should I do?

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What should I do?

butterflygirlxo butterflygirlxo
I'm 22 years old and my boyfriend is 26. We have been together for 7 years off and on. He broke up with me after we was together for 2 years for another girl. I will not lie the girl is way more gorgeous then I'am! We was split up for a year and he dated her for a year well when they broke up we got back together and we have been together since which has been about 3-4 years ago. I still envy the girl and he told me he has screwed her all night long which makes me upset I feel like I'm not good enough as her I've never screwed him all night ( hes the first person I've been with and I've only been with 2 people). I want to be as good as her! And yes he does put me down a lot and it's hard he sometimes does compare me to her when hes mad then when hes not mad he tells me I'm better. I just don't know what to do I'm so confused.
12/12/2011
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Antipova Antipova
Are you happy with him in general (as in, most days it's better than this, but occasionally it's bad), or does he make you feel bad about yourself frequently?

If this isn't just one bad day out of 30 good ones, you might need to consider leaving him in order to start feeling better about yourself. You're worth it!
12/12/2011
butterflygirlxo butterflygirlxo
Quote:
Originally posted by Antipova
Are you happy with him in general (as in, most days it's better than this, but occasionally it's bad), or does he make you feel bad about yourself frequently?

If this isn't just one bad day out of 30 good ones, you might need to ...
I feel bad about myself a lot. I just don't know how I can make myself feel better. I don't feel good enough, pretty enough.. and I dont know what to do to bring my confidence up.
12/12/2011
Antipova Antipova
Quote:
Originally posted by butterflygirlxo
I feel bad about myself a lot. I just don't know how I can make myself feel better. I don't feel good enough, pretty enough.. and I dont know what to do to bring my confidence up.
I hate to sound cliche, but have you looked for a therapist/counseling? There are often free ones offered, or at least sliding scale... just do a quick search of "sliding scale therapy [your city]" and see what comes up. Improving your self-confidence can take a long time, but having someone be on your side can help a lot.
12/12/2011
AndroAngel AndroAngel
If what I'm about to describe sounds like your situation, Leave him. That's pretty much the cycle of emotional abuse that you've highlighted in your post. The cycle, to paraphrase, is:

Good phase -> Degenerative phase (where emotional tearing down begins to manifest) -> Heavy abuse phase (where the insults and put downs come to a head.) -> Apologetic Phase (where he treats you well and acts like he's trying to make up for the bad things) -> then back to Good Phase and the whole thing starts over.

link
12/12/2011
wrmbreze wrmbreze
Seems to me that there is abuse going on here. It may not be physical but emotional abuse scars you as well. Know one thing, You don't have to take it! I agree with Antipova, you might want to look for a therapist.

I want to say one thing else and then I will leave it. Maybe he's the one who doesn't feel good enough for you and by saying she's better than you, he makes himself feel better.
12/12/2011
Valentinka Valentinka
You say they broke up? Maybe, he wasn't good enough for her, so now he's suffering from low self-esteem end tries to make himself feel better by hurting you? Don't let him get to you in his ego trip! And you really might listen to those who suggested therapy. If you gain more confidence, he might actually stop acting like he does now.
Anyway, I'm really sorry you have to go through this. I hope you'll be fine, you definitely deserve good things!
12/12/2011
Noelle Noelle
Quote:
Originally posted by butterflygirlxo
I'm 22 years old and my boyfriend is 26. We have been together for 7 years off and on. He broke up with me after we was together for 2 years for another girl. I will not lie the girl is way more gorgeous then I'am! We was split up for a year ...
If he loves you, he wouldn't put you down. Don't be insecure about the ex. She's the ex for a reason. I would however, Tell him you don't appreciate him putting you down, and you deserve better than that. You demand respect. If he continues to put u down after you talk to him, you should rethink your relationship with him. It would only get worse down the road if he isn't willing to change. good luck!
07/27/2012
Total posts: 8
Unique posters: 6