Why do men cheat down?

Em & Lo Em & Lo
A woman wrote into us at EMandLO.com this week asking us why men, in her opinion, cheat down. She said, "Why do guys cheat down? Meaning, picking a woman less attractive. My husband cheated on me with a woman twice my size. He said he found her unattractive but couldn’t help himself. Another friend of mine (she is a model) had her husband cheat on her. It was while he was out of town and all the women were less attractive. Of course these are just two examples. I was always under the impression that if you are going to cheat, at least make it worth it."

The consensus on our site so far seems to be that men cheat down and women cheat up. Do you agree? Why or why not?
11/22/2011
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AndroAngel AndroAngel
I think it's probably that many people who cheat do so for emotional reasons. They don't cheat with someone more beautiful, they cheat with someone who makes them feel good. I wouldn't say it's cheating "down" or "up" either. That's disingenuous to the person being cheated on and the person being cheated with. There's no way to know why someone cheats, or why they cheat with who they cheat with.
11/22/2011
Chilipepper Chilipepper
I've come to the conclusion that only insecure little girls who can't hold onto anything resembling a mature relationship will resort to such back-handed name-calling to cling to what little shreds of dignity they have. Leave the games in high school, you're an adult now - act like one.
11/22/2011
AndroAngel AndroAngel
Quote:
Originally posted by Chilipepper
I've come to the conclusion that only insecure little girls who can't hold onto anything resembling a mature relationship will resort to such back-handed name-calling to cling to what little shreds of dignity they have. Leave the games in ... More
There needs to be a "Like" button on EF.
11/22/2011
Chilipepper Chilipepper
Quote:
Originally posted by AndroAngel
There needs to be a "Like" button on EF.
I'm just so sick of that shit. I've been called the 'downgrade' I don't know how many times because I'm not thin and/or pretty. >:[
11/22/2011
AndroAngel AndroAngel
Quote:
Originally posted by Chilipepper
I'm just so sick of that shit. I've been called the 'downgrade' I don't know how many times because I'm not thin and/or pretty. >:[
Honestly, I don't think it's possible to "Downgrade" or "upgrade" because everyone's needs are different.
11/22/2011
Ms. Spice Ms. Spice
It really depends on the situation ( I say that way too much here). Since I'm not a psychologist, I can't properly gauge why people do the things they do, but I do know cheating happens for a number of reasons.

The only way that I could possibly explain the downgrading/ whatever you want to call it process is that lots of individuals who cheat aren't actively looking for partners- they just want someone to fill the void that their partner isn't providing.

Of course, I'm not going to say this is true of everyone! Everyone has their own perception of beauty and I don't think it's fair to say, "so and so downgraded, can you believe that?" Just because someone may think "so and so" downgraded may not be the case at all. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, not everyone else and their sister.

Though I find supermodels/ body builders gorgeous, I know that not everyone shares my standards of beauty. but yeah, I think i got a lil sidetracked, sorry lol
11/22/2011
LQ LQ
Well, it's not very nice to use terms like "downgraded," ; ; ; and I don't think that's something I'd ever say unless I was having a very catty and private conversation with my best friend...

However... I think we've probably all seen couples that made us go "Hmm. I don't get it." Or known friends in relationships that made us go "He/she could totally do better. What's the deal?"

Obviously the OP is considering traditionally attractive (i.e. models) the ideal, which is goofy. But, going along with it for a moment. Why would a guy who had a Goddess of a woman (according to traditional standards) suddenly go for someone less so?

(Well, you guys have pretty much covered it. And there were plenty of comments on Em & Lo's page.)

But something I didn't see mentioned anywhere is the fact that gorgeous people can be intimidating. If you're involved with someone who's perfect-looking with no effort & you're just a normal human, you may end up feeling like you have to catch up or compete. Being with someone else who's just a normal human takes off the pressure & makes the surface crap less of an issue. Lets you relax and relate more on personality and such.
11/22/2011
Peggi Peggi
I'm not sure about that, but I know women do it too! My guy's ex cheated on him with someone even I look at and cringe, and then after that didn't work out moved on to the next ugly dude! It's like they all have done it! But of the few guys I've stayed in contact with after cheating on their girl, I did notice that pattern. So I don't think that cheating down is gender specific.
11/23/2011
Elnoa Elnoa
Quote:
Originally posted by Chilipepper
I've come to the conclusion that only insecure little girls who can't hold onto anything resembling a mature relationship will resort to such back-handed name-calling to cling to what little shreds of dignity they have. Leave the games in ... More
Sing it sistah!
11/23/2011
El-Jaro El-Jaro
I think it has to do with the cheating partner's own self-esteem. If they think they can pull it off with someone they consider less attractive than their current partner, that person will be more apt to put up with it.
11/23/2011
pixxie87 pixxie87
its not all about the physical, a beautiful person can be so ugly in the inside.
11/24/2011
T&A1987 T&A1987
here is How I Met Your Mother's take on this: The Mermaid Theory.

link
11/24/2011
nova2014 nova2014
I feel like cheating up and cheating down has to do with more than just physical looks, maybe she provided him with something he thought he was missing?
05/19/2013
oneeyedoctopus oneeyedoctopus
I'm pretty uncomfortable with the idea of measuring someone's worth by how well they conform to conventional beauty standards. And people don't cheat because they stumble across someone more physically attractive. I only find other people sexually interesting when my partner isn't meeting my emotional needs.
05/21/2013
Ansley Ansley
Quote:
Originally posted by oneeyedoctopus
I'm pretty uncomfortable with the idea of measuring someone's worth by how well they conform to conventional beauty standards. And people don't cheat because they stumble across someone more physically attractive. I only find other people ... More
Precisely.
05/21/2013
Pandora'sBox Pandora'sBox
Personally, having been cheated on myself, there is one and only one reason why someone cheats. Because they are selfish. They selfishly think they can get away with it. They selfishly think they deserve it. They selfishly blame any shortcomings in the relationship on their betrayed partner.

If they feel like something is lacking in their relationship, there are an infinite number of OTHER more MATURE things they could do instead of cheat. Including ending the relationship if it's really that bad.

Saying that they cheated because they felt their needs weren't being met is such a cop-out and a blameshift to the betrayed partner. If the needs weren't being met, then why not communicate said needs and talk to your partner instead of sticking your dick (or letting someone stick their dick) in someone who is NOT said partner.

Saying "I couldn't help myself" is also bs. Yes they could. They just chose not to. The affair partner doesn't have magical powers and cast a spell on the cheater. There wasn't some giant magnet that pulled the cheater into bed with the affair partner.

And if the affair partner is fully aware that they are the OTHER PERSON, then it doesn't matter if they are more or less attractive than the spouse. A dog turd is a dog turd. Some dog turds have pink icing and sprinkles on them, but it's still a dog turd.

I didn't care what my ex's affair partners looked like. I didn't care if he "felt he was lacking in the relationship." What I cared about was the fact that instead of acting like an adult and TALKING TO ME, communicating his needs or being open with me, he chose to stick his dick in 6 other people. Then had the nerve to tell me it was my fault.

No. It was entirely his. He could have been mature. Instead he chose to be selfish and immature. So in the end, does it really matter what the affair partner looks like?
05/23/2013
Total posts: 17
Unique posters: 14