Would you break up with someone for gaining an extraordinary amount of weight - say 50 pounds?

strangebrew strangebrew
I was once asked if I would break up with someone for gaining 50 pounds and I said "yes". My ex-wife put on 30 pounds during her pregnancy with our daughter and I stood by her paying her as much attention as she would allow. Pregnancy is one thing. I would NEVER leave a woman for gaining weight while bearing my child.

If, however, you're not pregnant and put on 50 pounds, you're not the person I fell in love with or was attracted to. To me it's the same as a non-smoker taking up smoking. If I'm dating a non-smoker who starts, that's it. Done. I work out, eat well and take care of myself. I enjoy activity. If someone decides they want to put on that much weight, it's over. What do you say?
Answers (public voting - your screen name will appear in the results):
Yes
StormOfSnakes
1  (6%)
No
Ansley , BlackOrchid , Bignuf , Isola , Wicked Wahine , Pete's Princess , Lioncub , YvetteJeannine , cocolime , Graniteal
10  (62%)
Depends...
Pandora'sBox , edeneve , eri86 , RebelSentry , Tangerine
5  (31%)
Total votes: 16
Poll is closed
12/20/2013
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Pandora'sBox Pandora'sBox
Quote:
Originally posted by strangebrew
I was once asked if I would break up with someone for gaining 50 pounds and I said "yes". My ex-wife put on 30 pounds during her pregnancy with our daughter and I stood by her paying her as much attention as she would allow. Pregnancy is ... More
Someone putting on a lot of weight doesn't necessarily mean they don't have the same personality. Nor does it mean they just "decided" to put on the weight.

If we're going to talk pregnancy here, a lot of women struggle to lose baby weight. It doesn't just drop off post-birth. Sometimes some women keep the weight not because they choose to, but because their lives are different and their schedules and bodies have changed and they don't have the available time they used to have. I don't know how long you've been married or how old your daughter is, but you might find that sometimes weight creeps on without you even intending or noticing.

Sometimes some people gain weight because of illness. A friend of mine has been overweight her whole life and people just thought she was fat because she chose to be. Turned out, she had a damaged thyroid and now, at her age, it's too late to do anything. She will be heavy the rest of her life and the only thing she can do is try to maintain her weight as it is.

There are numerous reasons people put on excess weight. To assume that they gain because they just "decided" is short-sighted and narrow. The better thing to do instead of dumping them for "not being the person you are attracted to" anymore would be to help them become healthier. Or...y'know...respect their body.
12/20/2013
edeneve edeneve
Quote:
Originally posted by Pandora'sBox
Someone putting on a lot of weight doesn't necessarily mean they don't have the same personality. Nor does it mean they just "decided" to put on the weight.

If we're going to talk pregnancy here, a lot of women struggle ... More
well said.
12/20/2013
strangebrew strangebrew
Okay, perhaps some clarification would help keep me from being lynched...

First, I'm not talking pregnancy. Second, I'm not talking medical issues. What am I talking about?

Someone, who simply lets themselves go.

You see it all the time with men. They're athletic and lean when they're young and then somewhere around their mid-thirties, they turn to pastry.

So, to clarify, if the person you're with puts on 50 pounds of unadulterated weight, for no
other reason than they move too little and eat too much...

...And for arguments sake, they have not or will not take the weight off...

Would you say good-bye?
12/20/2013
Oriental husband and wife Oriental husband and wife
Quote:
Originally posted by strangebrew
Okay, perhaps some clarification would help keep me from being lynched...

First, I'm not talking pregnancy. Second, I'm not talking medical issues. What am I talking about?

Someone, who simply lets themselves go.

You see ... More
I've seen the very same lifestyle/eating habit change. One of our friends just got a divorce. They both joined our health club. A year plus later he loses weight, she doesn't. She cares for 3 kids, a full time job. He divorces her, sadly. Of course there was other issues I'm sure.

I think it depends on how much one loves her/him. Somehow the person would have to get her/him to lose some of it. Nagging and constantly bringing it up will only make it worse also. A person's body changes as they age. Metabolisms do change in males and females. Get he/him to make a regular annual doctor visit. The doctor will most likely suggest weigh loss as an observation. Most doctor's offices also have ads on wall and pamphlets for programs on weigh loss. Most will be a eating lifestyle change. Less carbs, sweets and smaller portions and eating every 4 hours vs 2 large meals. Cut out junk food replace with high protein bars.

One program with success is Ideal Protocol. They advertize no drugs,no vigorous exercise or starvation required. Burn fat and preserve muscle. You may pm me if you like more information. My wife did this and loss 14 lbs (her target) in 2 months. Many of her co-workers loss over 40.She joined the program to support her best friend at work. Of course there are many programs out there. Just surf the net.

Gain weigh also may mean loss of self esteem and happiness. Is the SO doing his/her share to maintain a great relationship ?
12/21/2013
Ansley Ansley
My husband has gained a little bit of weight, but I haven't breathed a single word about it to him. I think it's rude, for one thing. He's had a pretty touch year and he's allowed to let himself go. It's not like he's oblivious to it and I know that when he's ready, he'll do something about it.
12/21/2013
BlackOrchid BlackOrchid
50 pounds wouldn't be a deal-breaker for me.
Would I be concerned? Yes
Might I be less attracted? Maybe
Would I suggest better food choices/working out? Yes
But end the relationship on the sole factor of weight gain? No.
12/21/2013
StormOfSnakes StormOfSnakes
I am attracted to skinny-average people, I would not want to be with someone that let their body go THAT much. Even on medication, when you start noticing the weight gain, DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.
12/21/2013
Bignuf Bignuf
Quote:
Originally posted by Pandora'sBox
Someone putting on a lot of weight doesn't necessarily mean they don't have the same personality. Nor does it mean they just "decided" to put on the weight.

If we're going to talk pregnancy here, a lot of women struggle ... More
I totally agree with everything you said...so very well. Thanks.
12/21/2013
Bignuf Bignuf
Quote:
Originally posted by Ansley
My husband has gained a little bit of weight, but I haven't breathed a single word about it to him. I think it's rude, for one thing. He's had a pretty touch year and he's allowed to let himself go. It's not like he's ... More
It only gets harder to maintain weight as the years pass too. Even if you stay active and healthy. It's just nature, for many people. Believe me, I am speaking scientifically, not just personally. Any of you young pups who think you will be tight and slim, beautiful and flexible, perky and trim forever......just wait a few years and then call me!!!!
12/21/2013
eri86 eri86
Quote:
Originally posted by BlackOrchid
50 pounds wouldn't be a deal-breaker for me.
Would I be concerned? Yes
Might I be less attracted? Maybe
Would I suggest better food choices/working out? Yes
But end the relationship on the sole factor of weight gain? No.
Best 'short' answer I've read.
12/22/2013
Wicked Wahine Wicked Wahine
Great question, strangebrew!

No, I would not break up solely over a weight gain (or loss, for that matter). Nor would I break up over any other significant physical change (including: loss of hair; wrinkles, or loss of body parts or their function, etc.) When I love someone, they are so much more to me than the sum of their 'parts'; I love their personality and their mind! In fact, that's what makes the attraction so much richer than just a physical draw.
12/23/2013
Ansley Ansley
Quote:
Originally posted by Bignuf
It only gets harder to maintain weight as the years pass too. Even if you stay active and healthy. It's just nature, for many people. Believe me, I am speaking scientifically, not just personally. Any of you young pups who think you will be tight ... More
Agreed...but then there are others who never change (I've weighed the same since my freshman year of high school).
12/23/2013
strangebrew strangebrew
Quote:
Originally posted by Wicked Wahine
Great question, strangebrew!

No, I would not break up solely over a weight gain (or loss, for that matter). Nor would I break up over any other significant physical change (including: loss of hair; wrinkles, or loss of body parts or their ... More
@Wicked Whine,

I agree that a person is the sum of their parts. I've known women whom I would never have thought of as physically stunning on their own, but as I got to know them, became very attractive. Often they had a joy or zest for life that was intoxicating.

And that's part of why I believe if my partner gained 50 pounds, I'd break up. After spending 10 years as a personal trainer, I met only one person who was 50 pounds overweight and happy.

Often, that kind of weight gain changed the person's personality. People would tell me they were a certain way before the weight gain - happy, confident and active. Then after the weight gain, they reported being depressed and very unhappy - with their appearance, their sex life...everything and they were no longer active.

I am not saying I'd break up immediately with them, but if they were not willing to do what was necessary to return to their happy selves, I'd end it. Life's too short to suffer so long.
12/23/2013
Lioncub Lioncub
I would not! There are too many factors that can contribute to the weight gain. Stress, medical, depression, getting older, our bodies just change. If no one wanted to be with people that were 50+ pounds overweight there would be a lot of single people in my area and the divorce rate would be through the roof. How you look on the outside does not determine the person you are on the inside.

Personally I have gained 30 pounds or so this past year...it has been a year from hell for us. We have both had to find new jobs (which is not easy here), been on several medications for migraines and hormone imbalances, working now in a job I hate but again there is nothing else to be found this time of year, and our garage/shop burned to the ground we lost over $150,000 worth of tools and other items. To say the least I have been a bit stressed...and depressed...and medicated. I am not different on the inside I just went up 2 pant sizes. Did I ask to no, did I want to no but it happens. If someone decides to leave my life because of this then so be it I didn't need them anyway.
12/24/2013
Pete's Princess Pete's Princess
Strangebrew - you are right, people who were thin and suddenly gain 50 lbs do often act differently. It is stress, depression or low self worth. As a partner, you need to do whatever you can to build them up. Don't wait until they hit 50 lbs. As soon as you see a change in their behavior, ask what is going on with them in a way that shows concern for them as a person, not just because they are packing on the pounds. Encourage them to do things they used to (hiking, working out, etc.). Say, "Let's go for a hike, that always makes you feel better." instead of "Don't you think you need to put that cake down and have some carrots?" Focus on relieving the stress, depression or improving their self-worth. Unless it is a medical problem, then that should work. You can never sincerely compliment someone too much or focus too much on their positive behaviors.
12/28/2013
strangebrew strangebrew
Quote:
Originally posted by Pete's Princess
Strangebrew - you are right, people who were thin and suddenly gain 50 lbs do often act differently. It is stress, depression or low self worth. As a partner, you need to do whatever you can to build them up. Don't wait until they hit 50 lbs. ... More
I absolutely agree that effort should be made to work with your partner. It seems people read into my question, that I would dump a person immediately and that's simply not the case.

But let's say, Pete's Princess, that you do all that you suggest...be encouraging, be supportive, help do whatever you can to relieve stress and improve their self-worth...and NOTHING changes.

If you've ever been in this situation, you will agree, that it takes a tremendous toll on your well-being as well. You get dragged into the pit of darkness. And often, when one person starts eating poorly and not taking care of themselves, it spills over to those around them, so your physical health can be affected with weight gain. Add to that, increased blood pressure due to the stress of trying to save the person and your relationship.

I still feel, that if one gives an honest effort to help their partner and they refuse to help themselves, it's okay to end the relationship - leaving the person with as much dignity and respect as you can. No need to be a jerk about it. But no need to be a martyr, fall on your sword and spend your days suffering for the other person.
12/28/2013
Velociraptor Velociraptor
Um, no. I may be concerned about their health and encourage a healthier lifestyle, but to dump someone over something as stupid as that is ridiculous.


I gained 60lbs in two months when I got on birth control. It's been extremely difficult to get off. Glad I'm not with someone as shallow as you.
Feb 11, 3:20 pm
SaucyxGirl SaucyxGirl
I actually found myself in this position. My BF put on a lot of weight. Given the fact that there is a family history of heart disease,high blood pressure and diabetes I gave him the choice. Get healthy or get out. He had seriously let him so go so bad that I was starting to no longer find him attractive, plus the simple fact that he wasn't taking care of himself and placing himself at greater risk for health issues made me question a future with him. He has an uncle who hard a heart attack in his 50's and his mother died of one right before her 60th birthday. So I knew I had to say something.

He has started eating better And I am extremely proud of him because he quit smoking (August of 2013!)So he is making steps.
Feb 24, 11:05 pm
MaeGal MaeGal
The weight alone wouldn't be means for a break up, no. If my boyfriend were to gain a bunch of weight, I'd encourage him to start exercising with me or help make healthier meals together, etc.

Though the way it is, he already works and is losing weight. If either of us were to gain weight, I'd probably be me. Haha. Though he has said he'll break up with ME if I get fat! I think he's somewhat serious...
Feb 28, 2:58 am
Total posts: 20
Unique posters: 15