Originally posted by
Strangebrew - you are right, people who were thin and suddenly gain 50 lbs do often act differently. It is stress, depression or low self worth. As a partner, you need to do whatever you can to build them up. Don't wait until they hit 50 lbs.
Strangebrew - you are right, people who were thin and suddenly gain 50 lbs do often act differently. It is stress, depression or low self worth. As a partner, you need to do whatever you can to build them up. Don't wait until they hit 50 lbs. As soon as you see a change in their behavior, ask what is going on with them in a way that shows concern for them as a person, not just because they are packing on the pounds. Encourage them to do things they used to (hiking, working out, etc.). Say, "Let's go for a hike, that always makes you feel better." instead of "Don't you think you need to put that cake down and have some carrots?" Focus on relieving the stress, depression or improving their self-worth. Unless it is a medical problem, then that should work. You can never sincerely compliment someone too much or focus too much on their positive behaviors.
I absolutely agree that effort should be made to work with your partner. It seems people read into my question, that I would dump a person immediately and that's simply not the case.
But let's say, Pete's Princess, that you do all that you suggest...be encouraging, be supportive, help do whatever you can to relieve stress and improve their self-worth...and NOTHING changes.
If you've ever been in this situation, you will agree, that it takes a tremendous toll on your well-being as well. You get dragged into the pit of darkness. And often, when one person starts eating poorly and not taking care of themselves, it spills over to those around them, so your physical health can be affected with weight gain. Add to that, increased blood pressure due to the stress of trying to save the person and your relationship.
I still feel, that if one gives an honest effort to help their partner and they refuse to help themselves, it's okay to end the relationship - leaving the person with as much dignity and respect as you can. No need to be a jerk about it. But no need to be a martyr, fall on your sword and spend your days suffering for the other person.