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My Boyfriend of 2 years now has voiced his opinion on sex toys, he doesn't like them! When I recently ordered my second vibrator,he got a little fussy. He claims he just likes natural sex and has never really been into toys. We have really only
My Boyfriend of 2 years now has voiced his opinion on sex toys, he doesn't like them! When I recently ordered my second vibrator,he got a little fussy. He claims he just likes natural sex and has never really been into toys. We have really only tried a vibrating ring together and some use of vibration from my first vibrator but he wasn't into it. He also thinks lingerie is a waste of money. We also don't usually use lubes but that's more my fault as I have had problems with them, very sensitive skin. I personally don't care, as inconsiderate as that may sound. I like them and will use/buy them if I want too.
So my question is, how does your PARTNER feel about toys? Lingerie?
Uh-oh. That sounds like you may have some things to really talk about. My partner and I have been together for 6 years. He doesn't like toys for men and does not wear lingerie, but he likes using my toys on me and likes when I surprise him by putting somethign sexy under my clothes for him to take off right away. Lol.
I really don't know how I'd handle a problem like this. I don't use realistic toys and the ONLY dildos I own are glass, non realistic. I also cannot use huge toys. My poor cooter can't handle it. It's hard enough to have sex without having tiny tears. I'm just not interested or turned on by the realistic dildos, plus I have him so I would never ever even use them. However, I could kind of understand a male being a bit thrown off over his partner using really large, realistic dildos and turning him down. Unless of course, she's choosing to wait to have sex. That is beyond understandable. But I can see him feeling like 'uh, is something wrong with me?'
My vibrators are used for foreplay mostly. I'll use them to hint around to him and he'll use them on me for a while, then we go into oral and then sex. I never use them IN PLACE of him. That would be crazy since the toys are not anything like actually having sex with my partner. But I feel the vibrators and stuff are harmless, in my relationship. I cannot say he's "wrong." I don't think porn is OK. I wouldn't have EVER considered being with my partner had he been interested in porn of any kind. Most people belittle me and call me "wrong" for that. That is why I cannot say I understand or say that he's wrong. Everyone is different.
I can say that things like vibrating rings and toys used for foreplay, when you're not shutting him out for the toys, could be something he might get used to. If you're still including him, maybe he just needs to understand that they are not to replace him or that they aren't because he is not good enough. It's still better when both partners enjoy it though. I suppose if my partner had a real problem with my toys, I might not use them. I mean if they actually made him feel so badly. However, I think once a person understands that they can use them WITH you and ON you for fun, not to replace sex or because sex isn't good enough, things are usually OK.
Now I don't understand why he could think lingerie is a waste of money. If it's something you enjoy and you do for your own self, I cannot help but say that it's ridiculous for him to ever say that. Does he think that it's a waste of money for women to buy something that makes them feel sexy, that highlights the sex kitten in them?
My parnter doesn't LOVE lingerie. He like when I go to the trouble to wear it under my clothes because he knows I'm saying I want to do it. He always prefers me nude, but I buy lingerie because I like knowing that it's under my clothes and well, sometimes I want something that brings out my sexy nature. Regular panties don't do that. I don't NEED lingerie to feel sexy, but I really enjoy playing with the looks and colors and everything fun and sexy. It's for me. I feel sexy and when I feel sexy, I'm more confident and more likely to initiate sex. Why would that ever be a waste? How awful. I would almost feel sad if my partner said that because lingerie is something really fun to me. I'd be like "what?! Me having fun and finding my inner sex kitten is a waste? Fuck you!" Sorry. I tend to get fired up.
If dildos make him feel as if he's being replaced, I can understand working around that and not blowing his feelings off. But it sounds almost like he doesn't want you to have any fun in bed. Does he pay attention to your needs and wants in bed? I'm just curious. I've had partners who pretty much felt that my fun in bed was not even important. I think that's awful. If he doesn't care about your needs at all in bed, I'd really reconsider the relationship. Not because sex is everything, but because if he doesn't even care if you're enjoying sex and doesn't care to spend time on YOU during sex, then it's very likely he'll be that way about more things throughout your lives.
Me and my partner are big on "natural sex." By that, I mean we keep sex something very intimate and special, between ONLY us two. We're particular about it. However, we still have fun with different things and I don't think there's anything wrong with just simply trying out some toys and cock rings. Warming lube is fun, it doesn't mean someone's sex is bad. I
Now the lube thing. Oh hell no! LOL. I HAVE to use lubricant these days because I keep getting these awful little tears. It's gotten so badly lately that I've started worrying that something is wrong with the skin on my cooter. It's so painful sometimes--even when we're easy--that my cooter will throb and hurt for hours after sex! I explained it to my partner as something like a bad migraine in my crotch. It hurts to stand. It's like my inner and outer labia have headaches. Not using some lube these days is so painful I cannot handle it. If he told me no, you can't use lube, just deal with it, I'd tell him to hang it in his ass. Lube is there for a reason and sometimes it's needed. Also, the lubricantion is needed because your partner doesn't spend time getting you "ready" to where you'd make natural lube, then what a jerk. So what if you have sensitive skin? That is not your fault. You did not ask for it. I'm sure you didn't pray to God to give you sensitive skin. Does he know that it's not something you can help? Sensitive skin downstairs is not a light issue. It can be far more painful/irritating than some might think. You may need to explain that to him. Also, I have to recommend trying something natural. Not sure what ingredients are the ones that upset you, but Intimate Organics has some amazing lubes! You should check the ingredients first though. Sliquid gets rave reviews from sensitive females too.
Good for you, using them anyway. If you need them, you should not let him take that away. Hell, even if you simply just liked the lubes, there's nothing at all wrong with that one. It should not be up to him.