Your Partner's Stance on Toys or Lingerie?

dirtythoughts:) dirtythoughts:)
My Boyfriend of 2 years now has voiced his opinion on sex toys, he doesn't like them! When I recently ordered my second vibrator,he got a little fussy. He claims he just likes natural sex and has never really been into toys. We have really only tried a vibrating ring together and some use of vibration from my first vibrator but he wasn't into it. He also thinks lingerie is a waste of money. We also don't usually use lubes but that's more my fault as I have had problems with them, very sensitive skin. I personally don't care, as inconsiderate as that may sound. I like them and will use/buy them if I want too.

So my question is, how does your PARTNER feel about toys? Lingerie?
Answers (public voting - your screen name will appear in the results):
Likes Toys.
gsfanatic , darthkitt3n , Zombirella , wdanas , kendra30752 , Stagger13 , - Kira - , tortilla , Checkmate , js250 , Ilovelingerie , Taylor , Vadim50 , OhMy! , Sammi , melissa1973 , KrissyNovacaine , Missmarc , Deeder , PeaceToTheMiddleEast , AmethystSmoke , Beck , Arch600 , CRAZYSEXYONE , rockblenny , aliceinthehole , sktb0007 , HarlequinBunnie , palindromic , Gettinmymojoback , mpfm , ellejay , PropertyOfPotter , sexykiss , <3BF , P'Gell , padmeamidala , Red Vinyl Kitty , CoffeeCup , indiglo , HusbandandWife , SilverMinxxx , Bullfroggy and Rose , BlooJay , married with children , BBW Talks Toys , hall5885 , SexyStuff , Bignuf , brevado , babycakess , thisisadeletedaccount , LavenderSkies , FHeemz , Supervixen , leatherlover , Gunsmoke , mjtheprincess , skeeterlynn , Kitka , SaiDiscordia , GRL2289 , edenguy , Boyfriend , magicmaxx Mr.Mrs , leanright69 , libbyv , SecretKinksters , novanilla , daniel420 , burtnuh , XYCopperheadSly , Gdom , Hummingbird , Qozt , Munko , JoshJosh123 , pokefan15 , ChubbyNerd , KinkyKatieJames
80
Likes Lingerie.
gsfanatic , darthkitt3n , Zombirella , wdanas , kendra30752 , Stagger13 , - Kira - , tortilla , Checkmate , js250 , Ilovelingerie , Badass , Taylor , OhMy! , unfulfilled , Sammi , melissa1973 , KrissyNovacaine , CindyH , Ms. N , Ryuson , Missmarc , gloomybear , Deeder , PeaceToTheMiddleEast , AmethystSmoke , Beck , Arch600 , CRAZYSEXYONE , rockblenny , sktb0007 , HarlequinBunnie , palindromic , Gettinmymojoback , mpfm , ellejay , PropertyOfPotter , sexykiss , <3BF , P'Gell , padmeamidala , Red Vinyl Kitty , CoffeeCup , indiglo , HusbandandWife , SilverMinxxx , BlooJay , married with children , BBW Talks Toys , hall5885 , SexyStuff , Bignuf , brevado , babycakess , thisisadeletedaccount , LavenderSkies , Lildrummrgurl7 , FHeemz , Supervixen , Gunsmoke , mjtheprincess , skeeterlynn , Kitka , SaiDiscordia , GRL2289 , Boyfriend , magicmaxx Mr.Mrs , leanright69 , libbyv , SecretKinksters , novanilla , daniel420 , DarkMoonLily , burtnuh , XYCopperheadSly , Hummingbird , Pete's Princess , JoshJosh123 , pokefan15 , ChubbyNerd , KinkyKatieJames
81
Is neutral about Toys
solitudinarian , Dixiemomma , Badass , joja , Ms. N , Ryuson , Rossie , gloomybear , bayosgirl , xMila , Bodhi , Lildrummrgurl7 , Alyona , Ciao. , DarkMoonLily , karenm
16
Is neutral about Lingerie
solitudinarian , joja , Rossie , aliceinthehole , bayosgirl , xMila , Bodhi , ms.anon , leatherlover , Alyona , Ciao. , karenm , Gdom , Qozt , Munko
15
Dislikes Toys
unfulfilled , ms.anon , nova2014
3
Dislikes Lingerie
Dixiemomma
1
Other? Please Explain
Ilovelingerie , Deeder , MaeGal , Samantha B. , mjtheprincess , Pete's Princess
6
Total votes: 202 (103 voters)
Poll is closed
06/17/2012
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gsfanatic gsfanatic
She enjoys both toys and lingerie, as do I.
06/17/2012
Dixiemomma Dixiemomma
haha he only perks up when i get ropes or whips or the such, he ignores the toys i get like they arent there lol and he's told me not to waste my time on lingerie he's not into it so he's pretty straight forward about it all lol
06/17/2012
kendra30752 kendra30752
Quote:
Originally posted by dirtythoughts:)
My Boyfriend of 2 years now has voiced his opinion on sex toys, he doesn't like them! When I recently ordered my second vibrator,he got a little fussy. He claims he just likes natural sex and has never really been into toys. We have really only ... More
Uh-oh. That sounds like you may have some things to really talk about. My partner and I have been together for 6 years. He doesn't like toys for men and does not wear lingerie, but he likes using my toys on me and likes when I surprise him by putting somethign sexy under my clothes for him to take off right away. Lol.

I really don't know how I'd handle a problem like this. I don't use realistic toys and the ONLY dildos I own are glass, non realistic. I also cannot use huge toys. My poor cooter can't handle it. It's hard enough to have sex without having tiny tears. I'm just not interested or turned on by the realistic dildos, plus I have him so I would never ever even use them. However, I could kind of understand a male being a bit thrown off over his partner using really large, realistic dildos and turning him down. Unless of course, she's choosing to wait to have sex. That is beyond understandable. But I can see him feeling like 'uh, is something wrong with me?'

My vibrators are used for foreplay mostly. I'll use them to hint around to him and he'll use them on me for a while, then we go into oral and then sex. I never use them IN PLACE of him. That would be crazy since the toys are not anything like actually having sex with my partner. But I feel the vibrators and stuff are harmless, in my relationship. I cannot say he's "wrong." I don't think porn is OK. I wouldn't have EVER considered being with my partner had he been interested in porn of any kind. Most people belittle me and call me "wrong" for that. That is why I cannot say I understand or say that he's wrong. Everyone is different.

I can say that things like vibrating rings and toys used for foreplay, when you're not shutting him out for the toys, could be something he might get used to. If you're still including him, maybe he just needs to understand that they are not to replace him or that they aren't because he is not good enough. It's still better when both partners enjoy it though. I suppose if my partner had a real problem with my toys, I might not use them. I mean if they actually made him feel so badly. However, I think once a person understands that they can use them WITH you and ON you for fun, not to replace sex or because sex isn't good enough, things are usually OK.

Now I don't understand why he could think lingerie is a waste of money. If it's something you enjoy and you do for your own self, I cannot help but say that it's ridiculous for him to ever say that. Does he think that it's a waste of money for women to buy something that makes them feel sexy, that highlights the sex kitten in them? My parnter doesn't LOVE lingerie. He like when I go to the trouble to wear it under my clothes because he knows I'm saying I want to do it. He always prefers me nude, but I buy lingerie because I like knowing that it's under my clothes and well, sometimes I want something that brings out my sexy nature. Regular panties don't do that. I don't NEED lingerie to feel sexy, but I really enjoy playing with the looks and colors and everything fun and sexy. It's for me. I feel sexy and when I feel sexy, I'm more confident and more likely to initiate sex. Why would that ever be a waste? How awful. I would almost feel sad if my partner said that because lingerie is something really fun to me. I'd be like "what?! Me having fun and finding my inner sex kitten is a waste? Fuck you!" Sorry. I tend to get fired up.

If dildos make him feel as if he's being replaced, I can understand working around that and not blowing his feelings off. But it sounds almost like he doesn't want you to have any fun in bed. Does he pay attention to your needs and wants in bed? I'm just curious. I've had partners who pretty much felt that my fun in bed was not even important. I think that's awful. If he doesn't care about your needs at all in bed, I'd really reconsider the relationship. Not because sex is everything, but because if he doesn't even care if you're enjoying sex and doesn't care to spend time on YOU during sex, then it's very likely he'll be that way about more things throughout your lives.

Me and my partner are big on "natural sex." By that, I mean we keep sex something very intimate and special, between ONLY us two. We're particular about it. However, we still have fun with different things and I don't think there's anything wrong with just simply trying out some toys and cock rings. Warming lube is fun, it doesn't mean someone's sex is bad. I

Now the lube thing. Oh hell no! LOL. I HAVE to use lubricant these days because I keep getting these awful little tears. It's gotten so badly lately that I've started worrying that something is wrong with the skin on my cooter. It's so painful sometimes--even when we're easy--that my cooter will throb and hurt for hours after sex! I explained it to my partner as something like a bad migraine in my crotch. It hurts to stand. It's like my inner and outer labia have headaches. Not using some lube these days is so painful I cannot handle it. If he told me no, you can't use lube, just deal with it, I'd tell him to hang it in his ass. Lube is there for a reason and sometimes it's needed. Also, the lubricantion is needed because your partner doesn't spend time getting you "ready" to where you'd make natural lube, then what a jerk. So what if you have sensitive skin? That is not your fault. You did not ask for it. I'm sure you didn't pray to God to give you sensitive skin. Does he know that it's not something you can help? Sensitive skin downstairs is not a light issue. It can be far more painful/irritating than some might think. You may need to explain that to him. Also, I have to recommend trying something natural. Not sure what ingredients are the ones that upset you, but Intimate Organics has some amazing lubes! You should check the ingredients first though. Sliquid gets rave reviews from sensitive females too.

Good for you, using them anyway. If you need them, you should not let him take that away. Hell, even if you simply just liked the lubes, there's nothing at all wrong with that one. It should not be up to him.
06/17/2012
- Kira - - Kira -
My husband used to not care about lingerie at all. I really liked dressing up though, so I would put it on every time anyhow. A few weeks ago I was sleepy and asked him if he minded if I didn't put on lingerie. He actually got a little sad over it! He said now he's been spoiled and likes when I wear it. LOL! How things change. So basically what I'm saying is just because he doesn't like something now doesn't mean he won't always. As Kendra said, it's something you guys will need to talk about.
06/17/2012
js250 js250
My husband used to be neutral about lingerie until I started getting some that really flattered my figure. I purchase the lingerie for me, though, so while I am glad he is liking it I am not basing my purchasing on his opinion. I consider it personal upkeep like fingernails, hair and make up.

As for the toys...you both are allowed your own personal opinions and feelings. He does not like them, do not use them with him. Don't hide the toys, just do not blatantly play with them when you know it could hurt his feelings. Be discreet, talk it over and work through it--keeping both of you happy.
06/17/2012
Ilovelingerie Ilovelingerie
Quote:
Originally posted by dirtythoughts:)
My Boyfriend of 2 years now has voiced his opinion on sex toys, he doesn't like them! When I recently ordered my second vibrator,he got a little fussy. He claims he just likes natural sex and has never really been into toys. We have really only ... More
My partner does not like sex toys for HIM(like)fleshlights or a masturbators of any kind.

But he LOVES it when I buy any vibrators for myself, especially if I let him watch me use them. He also enjoys remote control ones that he can use on me.

He is into bondage stuff and sometimes requests new restrains/whips/paddle s/etc.

We use lube sometimes, but not everytime because usually I am very slippery on my own.


So basically he doesn't like anything for himself(I don't think he would even touch his penis besides to push it down or aim it in me) lol.
But if it is something THAT I USE(toys/lingerie) he's all for the idea. PLUS the man knows that I am addicted to sexy little things and he probably couldn't stop me from getting them.
06/17/2012
Badass Badass
I get the vibe my man feels a bit... intimidated by toys... but he LOVES me in lingerie.
06/17/2012
unfulfilled unfulfilled
He loves lingerie, hates that I have toys.
06/17/2012
Sammi Sammi
He loves when I dress up in lingerie, and he doesn't mind my toys at all
06/17/2012
melissa1973 melissa1973
Mine loves using the toys that I get on me massive foreplay and orgasms. The lingerie, he's neutral on, he says that I really don't need to bother with it since it won't be on long anyway, but he realized that it's not his money so he's ok. He doesn't use toys himself but I don't mind it.
06/17/2012
CindyH CindyH
Lingerie
06/17/2012
Ms. N Ms. N
My boy loooooooooooooves my lingerie collection. He thinks I should wear corsets all the time, and sees my nighties (chemises and babydolls) as a significant reflection of who I am. As for toys...he doesn't see the point of vibes and such, but he would never tell me not to get them or to dispose of them (it wouldn't work if he did). He's more open to cuffs, blindfolds, and paddles (though he would rather use his hands).
06/17/2012
Ryuson Ryuson
My boyfriend likes me reviewing toys because it makes me happy and gives me a sense like I'm helping people out. It's also let me meet a ton of really awesome people that I otherwise wouldn't have. He kind of is entirely apathetic about the toys themselves unless they are particularly neat (Which he shows a bit more interest) or are particularly phallic (which he very much dislikes.)

Lingerie, though, he loves! He really likes me dressing up for him, and it makes me feel more feminine and sexy.

I think that you really should talk to your boyfriend about it and not just keep butting heads with him. Ask him why he doesn't like toys, and ask him when it's just you two and you're not about to have sex. Tell him that it's something you're honestly interested in and you're not trying to out-do or replace him, and talk to him about things you can do to help lessen his dislikes and insecurities.
06/17/2012
Missmarc Missmarc
Quote:
Originally posted by dirtythoughts:)
My Boyfriend of 2 years now has voiced his opinion on sex toys, he doesn't like them! When I recently ordered my second vibrator,he got a little fussy. He claims he just likes natural sex and has never really been into toys. We have really only ... More
He likes both toy and lingerie.
06/17/2012
gloomybear gloomybear
my bf loves lingerie and as far as the toys go hes fine with watever makes me happy
06/17/2012
Deeder Deeder
We enjoy looking at lingerie together, but since we've yet to actually buy any I can't say what his opinion really his. When it comes to toys he just wants me to be happy, and while both of us would love to not need them, he does enjoy watching me use them (while I prefer for him to use them on me).
06/17/2012
Rossie Rossie
Quote:
Originally posted by dirtythoughts:)
My Boyfriend of 2 years now has voiced his opinion on sex toys, he doesn't like them! When I recently ordered my second vibrator,he got a little fussy. He claims he just likes natural sex and has never really been into toys. We have really only ... More
My husband ordered me to keep 'male' toys away from him, but he's OK (not extremely excited) with me using toys. I think his stance is he doesn't mind me using an insertable toy, as long as he gets to penetrate me with his member first; he said he felt like the 2nd guy in a group play, and my pussy has already been used by someone else (referring to the dildo)!!! I find that kind of silly, and I'm still playing with my toys while I wait for him to fresh-up before sex.

There are a lot of maybes on why your boyfriend's rejecting toys and lingerie:
- maybe he doesn't like 'guys' toys.
- maybe you're giving him the impression that you're having more fun with the toy than with him, and it's affecting his ego.
- maybe he's a very practical and frugal person, and don't want to waste money on unnecessary items. Do you spend your own money buying toys and lingerie? If you only use Eden points to do so, you can explain that the items are free, and it might make him feel better.

Like Kendra said, talk to him patiently to find out the real reason.
06/17/2012
wdanas wdanas
Definitely fine with both. We don't have much in the way of "guy" toys, but he enjoys using mine with me. And lingerie, it turns out, is a very big turn-on bonus. I'm glad EF has such a nice selection to pick from!
06/17/2012
RonLee RonLee
Quote:
Originally posted by gsfanatic
She enjoys both toys and lingerie, as do I.
My GF likes both too, as do I, but she wears the lingerie I don't...
06/17/2012
CRAZYSEXYONE CRAZYSEXYONE
Quote:
Originally posted by dirtythoughts:)
My Boyfriend of 2 years now has voiced his opinion on sex toys, he doesn't like them! When I recently ordered my second vibrator,he got a little fussy. He claims he just likes natural sex and has never really been into toys. We have really only ... More
in the beginning my husband didn't like them but now he loves to watch and use them on me. I let him help me pick them out, even know he has me make a special wish list just for him and me and he surprises me and orders some thing from it
06/17/2012
Arch600 Arch600
I'm fine with both toys and lingerie! I enjoy using toys together with her, and I fully endorse her using them alone any time she likes. Lingerie? What's not to like? I suppose there is something to be said for paying for something you're only going to wear for a minute or two... but who says it has to be logical?

She acts all lukewarm about her toys, but I see right through that. And she's always loved dressing up.

I agree, it sounds like you need to have a talk with him. While he is entitled to his feelings about toys, your body and your sexual desires belong to you. How you choose to fulfill them is entirely up to you. By the same token, he has some say in what happens when you're together. There needs to be a middle ground you both can agree to.
06/17/2012
rockblenny rockblenny
We both love it all.
06/17/2012
dirtythoughts:) dirtythoughts:)
Quote:
Originally posted by dirtythoughts:)
My Boyfriend of 2 years now has voiced his opinion on sex toys, he doesn't like them! When I recently ordered my second vibrator,he got a little fussy. He claims he just likes natural sex and has never really been into toys. We have really only ... More
Ok so I definitely appreciate all your comments, but i want to clear a few things up. He doesn't tell me I can not buy toys because I use my own money, but we do share bills, rent and what not so he sometimes gets worried about budgets. I also do not like dildos and prefer vibes that are non realistic. That was partly the problem with the recent vibe, it had a slightly realistic head.

I never try to replace him with toys and do not shut him out. He started a new job a few months again and works constantly. So he comes home, showers, eats, we watch some TV together, talk, and I usually cuddle him while he falls asleep, which is pretty quickly. He doesn't neglect me, but recently my sex drive has been crazy!! sometimes I know we don't have time for a fun time so after he goes to sleep I will go play with my toy.

He has used my other vibrator on me and did enjoy it (this one is not realistic in anyway and is a very simple vibrator.)

I know he would never use a male toy and I do not try to push them on him. He is fairly opened to trying new things but I guess the biggest problem is he kinda thinks I'm trying to replace him with the toys.

Also as Rossie said, he is a very Frugal person!!
Hence the Lingerie point. He said he prefers me naked and I don't need lingerie to make me sexy to him....I am going to buy a corset though when I get the chance.

The Lube isn't a problem. I guess what I meant in the original post was just an example of something he is willing to use. I usually never have problems with getting wet so they aren't necessary. I am the one that really doesn't like using them due to my sensitive skin, and I feel they can take away from my feeling.

I have been with him 2 years straight, but 4 years on an off, so i definitely know almost everything there is to know about him. We have been through a lot and I feel now we have a pretty strong honest relationship. I told him about EF; the points, discussions and what not. He doesn't have a problem with it and likes the points system for sure (again FRUGAL! haha)

He's into the idea I brought up about a door sex swing that I found on here but not sure our thin, old doors could handle it

**I also did a BIG NO NO and created this discussion while in a VERY bad mood and during a small fight with him (Not over toys tho)**

Thanks again for all the feed back. It's nice to know how others feel
06/17/2012
Ryuson Ryuson
Quote:
Originally posted by dirtythoughts:)
Ok so I definitely appreciate all your comments, but i want to clear a few things up. He doesn't tell me I can not buy toys because I use my own money, but we do share bills, rent and what not so he sometimes gets worried about budgets. I also do ... More
I am also a super frugal person (I go back and forth for weeks before buying a CD, and just hate when I have to spend $4 for lunch at work) and the points and review programs are LIFESAVERS! I think that I actually have made money off this site selling used toys on the Classifieds, actually.

I also think that your sexual health is something worth investing in. Maybe not buying a $200 vibrator, but $40 every few months out of pocket (or $40 in points every few months if you save) seems like a reasonable budget.

Maybe you could let him help you pick out toys to save up for? Tell him that you'll get them entirely with points and that you can make over $1 in points a day, that way he won't feel bad if he shows his preference to something out of your price range. Also, that way you get a toy you know he's comfortable with you using!
06/17/2012
dirtythoughts:) dirtythoughts:)
Quote:
Originally posted by Ryuson
I am also a super frugal person (I go back and forth for weeks before buying a CD, and just hate when I have to spend $4 for lunch at work) and the points and review programs are LIFESAVERS! I think that I actually have made money off this site ... More
Thanks for the advice! I would say I'm frugal when it comes to a toy $100 or more . Maybe even over $75. I'll try this though
06/18/2012
Arch600 Arch600
Sorry for jumping to conclusions. Your hubby just needs a little reassurance that toys can never replace him. Shhhh... Don't tell anyone I said this, but... We guys can be kinda insecure sometimes.

Seriously, I still think communication will help here. I think if you understand his concerns and he understands that toys/lingerie are a boost to your health and well-being, you'll be just fine.
06/19/2012
indiechick indiechick
Quote:
Originally posted by dirtythoughts:)
My Boyfriend of 2 years now has voiced his opinion on sex toys, he doesn't like them! When I recently ordered my second vibrator,he got a little fussy. He claims he just likes natural sex and has never really been into toys. We have really only ... More
last one hated all of it. lingerie is gonna come off and if you need a toy why do you need me were his go tos. new potential....loves the lingerie and it turns him on to watch me get off...its wonderful
06/19/2012
HarlequinBunnie HarlequinBunnie
Quote:
Originally posted by dirtythoughts:)
My Boyfriend of 2 years now has voiced his opinion on sex toys, he doesn't like them! When I recently ordered my second vibrator,he got a little fussy. He claims he just likes natural sex and has never really been into toys. We have really only ... More
My husband has E.D. because of blood pressure medication so toys are needed. Once apon a time when all was good toys were used to make sex more kinky. Now they keep me happy and satisfied without making him feel bad about the situation. Lingerie was also used in a time long ago. Being an amputee myself I don't really wear it anymore but that too was something we both enjoyed. If your boyfriend has a problem with you using toys just ask him why. He may have a problem with them because of a reason he hasn't told you about. As for the sexy wear just tell him it's not about the money, tell him it makes you feel sexy and puts you in the mood or whatever. I hope that he comes around. Life is too short not to enjoy it. Good Luck.
06/19/2012
MaeGal MaeGal
Other.
We haven't really ever talked about it.
Though I just recently got my first toys, but even before it never really came up. I may have to change that, we'll see.
06/19/2012
Total posts: 70
Unique posters: 65