Adding Playmates to LTR Bedroom?

eroticmutt eroticmutt
Sorry for the long post and I think this is the right category, or at least you guys may be able to help me, I am not sure who else could.

So here's some backstory: my partner and I have been in a monogamous relationship for over a year now. He knows that my biggest #1 fantasy is a gangbang, and another main fantasy of mine is a threesome with two brothers. He has always been fine watching whatever porn I wanted and is very curious and open-minded about all my kinks and fantasies and he has some of his own I was never into but have come around on (like pegging him, fisting him, bathroom stuff, etc).

For probably about half a year now he has been enthusiastic about roleplaying as other guys with me because he knows it really turns me on to think about playing with different people, and we have no shortage of sex toys, as well as plushies we play with and he encourages me to go to a male strip club with him one of these days.

The other day his brother started getting me really turned on and things didn't escalate very far but we had some amazing sex and have been talking about trying to convince him to have a threesome with us, but since he may not be interested my partner told me to go ahead and look around on craigslist to see what guys might wanna do this with us as long as it was a one-time thing and not someone who would become a part of our life.

He also gets really turned on whenever I am flirting with other guys or coming on to them, and he will even push me into another guy while I am dancing, or make sexual comments about me with other people and he enjoys it.

The reason he doesn't want that attachment if we did it with a friend or even with a random person is because he has been cheated on and doesn't want me (or the other person) to bond in a relationship sense and want to be together, because that often results in someone getting their feelings hurt or leaving their partner, and we don't want that.





Well the problem begins because this is my #1 fantasy, and I could not stop thinking about it, talking about it, etc and I do not have a lot of friends locally so of course the person I could not shut up to was the very person who got un-nerved by hearing about it all of the time.

Now he is saying that he's glad he didn't suggest it to his brother (since he might've said yes) and that he's not okay with me having sex with other people because he doesn't want them to try and make it a regular thing.

What's weird is that he keeps telling me that if we are to travel to a place where prostitution is legal (a part of Nevada or overseas because he has travelled a lot) then he would be okay with us renting a prostitute because then the interpersonal connection aspect isn't there, and it would be just strictly sex, and he is okay with that.




Now I suppose that means he'd be okay with us doing it somewhere closer to home with a non-prostitute if it was kinda spur of the moment and with someone we don't really know so they won't be contacting us and bothering us about it later, but I don't know how to ask him that.

It seems like he is okay with the sex part, but not any risk of a relationship.



Has anyone else experienced this before?

Do you think a threesome is something he would be open to with a regular person if we met a good opportunity?

If he is so okay with having sex with a prostitute if we travelled, is there a way he might feel that comfortable without it being so far from home since we don't travel like that more than maybe once a year or something?
01/06/2013
  • Save 20% on Robo suck 3 masturbator and sleeve kit

    • Robo suck 3 sleeves
    • Robo suck 3 masturbators
    Save 20% on Robo suck 3 set

    Expires on Jul 22, 2015 at 11am ET Terms

  • Weekly Special: Save 40% on Rabbit Vibrators and G-spot Toys
  • Annual Clearance - Save 40%
  • FREE extra attachment for more pleasure
  • Better Price Sale - Save 50%
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
All promotions
Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
Honestly I would take a step back and re read your post with an objective eye. It sounds to me like your partner is excited by the idea but already trying to minimize how hurt he will be. That's not a firm foundation for bringing others into the bedroom be they professional or amateur.

I know you have given much to your partner and you'd love to convince him that you could just have a sexual experience and not fall in love but the truth is you can't actually promise that. Once the genie is out of the bottle it will not go back in...once is rarely enough unless you decide you simply prefer sex with him alone.

Would he be open if the "perfect" opportunity arises? No one can say but I would hazard a guess that he would not be.
01/07/2013
G.L. Morrison G.L. Morrison
Quote:
Originally posted by eroticmutt
Sorry for the long post and I think this is the right category, or at least you guys may be able to help me, I am not sure who else could.

So here's some backstory: my partner and I have been in a monogamous relationship for over a year ... More
I think that you should get some books on polyamory and open relationships and definitely discuss the agreements and hopes and fears you have. I recommend the Ethical Slut and Opening Up. I suggest you look for sex clubs and swingers house parties in your neighborhood. Open up a shared email account and possibly advertise as a couple on Fetlife or Craiglist or find a local swingers board. Use "scene names" if you are not seeking long term relationships. It helps keep your fantasy/play life separate from your day to day. Give out the email address and meet away from your house. (This is why swinger's house parties and clubs are nice. You can take someone into a backroom for however long without the need to share contact info or get a hotel room.) Safe sex rules of course. Remember to check in with your boyfriend after about how everything went and what would have made it even better for him. If he is the "jealous" one, concerned that emotional relationships will lead to him being lied to and/or abandoned then give him the "contact" control. If you give your fuck buddy a phone number to text, give him your boyfriend's number. That way if casual sex dude texts you later demanding to see you without the boyfriend, you are out of the loop and not to blame. Boyfriend can deal with it himself and on to the next guy. Eventually, you will find a guy you see on a regular basis and feelings will happen. But proving that you can work through the sexual pioneering with good communication and commitment is the way you trod on to have the affairs of the heart and cock that build your relationships rather than tear them down to build a new semi-monogamous model.
01/07/2013
G.L. Morrison G.L. Morrison
Quote:
Originally posted by G.L. Morrison
I think that you should get some books on polyamory and open relationships and definitely discuss the agreements and hopes and fears you have. I recommend the Ethical Slut and Opening Up. I suggest you look for sex clubs and swingers house parties in ... More
BTW are YOU prepared for how you may feel if your boyfriend falls in love with another guy?
01/07/2013
Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
Quote:
Originally posted by G.L. Morrison
BTW are YOU prepared for how you may feel if your boyfriend falls in love with another guy?
That is an amazing question! It's something to really consider as well...what happens if either of you falls in love outside of the relationship? Can you envision being part of a loving circle or will this cause problems?
01/11/2013
Total posts: 5
Unique posters: 3