Affairs are NOT the time to start threesomes or non-monogamy!

This actually started on another thread that I personally believe should be dropped and dealt with personally, but I'm really irritated at some of the stupidity that was posted there.

When someone is hurting because somebody was cheating, dealing with broken trust or sexual affairs there are one hell of a lot of emotions that need to be dealt with. There are issues to be addressed and feelings to be understood. The situation and itself needs to be dealt with.

Regardless of what you may believe about open relationships, polyamory, threesomes, sexual adventures or ANYTHING else, now is NOT the time to say just go and actually fuck someone else or have a threesome. Taking a relationship from monogamous to open is something that should be carefully considered and thought out.

It's very likely an emotional situation on it's own, possibly one with enormous benefits, but I can't imagine a single situation where it starts from an affair IF the underlying situation is not dealt with where the relationship will survive at all.

I really had the feeling that some people were advocating opening up a relationship or a threesome as a way to "spice it up", some whom don't have a reputation on Eden as having experience in an open relationship.

Sexual and open relationships are wonderful. They can meet human and sexual needs in ways that one partner may never be able to. They don't start from the emotional turmoil of cheating and broken trust.

This actually started on another thread that I personally believe should be dropped and dealt with personally, but I'm really irritated at some of the stupidity that was posted there.

When someone is hurting because somebody was cheating, dealing with broken trust or sexual affairs there are one hell of a lot of emotions that need to be dealt with. There are issues to be addressed and feelings to be understood. The situation and itself needs to be dealt with.

Regardless of what you may believe about open relationships, polyamory, threesomes, sexual adventures or ANYTHING else, now is NOT the time to say just go and actually fuck someone else or have a threesome. Taking a relationship from monogamous to open is something that should be carefully considered and thought out.

It's very likely an emotional situation on it's own, possibly one with enormous benefits, but I can't imagine a single situation where it starts from an affair IF the underlying situation is not dealt with where the relationship will survive at all.

I really had the feeling that some people were advocating opening up a relationship or a threesome as a way to "spice it up", some whom don't have a reputation on Eden as having experience in an open relationship.

Sexual and open relationships are wonderful. They can meet human and sexual needs in ways that one partner may never be able to. They don't start from the emotional turmoil of cheating and broken trust.

This actually started on another thread that I personally believe should be dropped and dealt with personally, but I'm really irritated at some of the stupidity that was posted there.

When someone is hurting because somebody was cheating, dealing with broken trust or sexual affairs there are one hell of a lot of emotions that need to be dealt with. There are issues to be addressed and feelings to be understood. The situation and itself needs to be dealt with.

Regardless of what you may believe about open relationships, polyamory, threesomes, sexual adventures or ANYTHING else, now is NOT the time to say just go and actually fuck someone else or have a threesome. Taking a relationship from monogamous to open is something that should be carefully considered and thought out.

It's very likely an emotional situation on it's own, possibly one with enormous benefits, but I can't imagine a single situation where it starts from an affair IF the underlying situation is not dealt with where the relationship will survive at all.

I really had the feeling that some people were advocating opening up a relationship or a threesome as a way to "spice it up", some whom don't have a reputation on Eden as having experience in an open relationship.

Sexual and open relationships are wonderful. They can meet human and sexual needs in ways that one partner may never be able to. They don't start from the emotional turmoil of cheating and broken trust.

I do apologise if I offended anyone with my original post; it was a bit lighthearted, but was coming from a good place. And it was posted before the more lurid details and VG's real attitude to third party activity came out.

My partner and I have played with other people, usually mutual friends, over the years, and it works for us. Our rule is that both of us get to play; I don't go off on my own; she doesn't go off on her own. If someone we're thinking about playing with doesn't want to play with both of us, they don't play with either of us. I absolutely agree that even this won't work without trust, but to be honest, your entire relationship won't work without trust.

My initial post to VG was based on his previous posts, specifically this and this and this and this and especially this.

I wasn't really sure what to think about all that, or even whether VG was real. Still, benefit of the doubt and so on; it kind of sounded like he was looking to bring some more adventurous play into his marriage, and crucially, was not averse to bringing another male person into the bedroom. Mrs VeggieGuy's subsequent action suggested she may have been open to much the same thing. So - get together, talk it over, thrash some things out (not each other), and there may have been a potential solution there.

In light of later events - and I'm still not sure how true any of this is, but if it is, I would have to agree with VG that the marriage is over. Mrs VG cannot be very fond of her husband if what he says of her is true. It's really not that difficult to avoid being overheard on a cell phone if you don't want to be. It's called going outside. She's leaving photos of herself lying around performing anal with the "new" guy? Or is someone searching her computer?

Really, not knowing any of these people, it's impossible to tell what the real situation is. The picture I get is of a man somewhat obsessed with sex who has been badgering his wife to do things she doesn't want to, and who may have ended up driving her away. But that may not be the case at all. I think if VG is going to see a counselor, that may be a good thing, because this marriage sounds like it needs either major reconstructive surgery or a quick trip to Switzerland.

Good luck to all.

Billy

agreed, although I actually do believe that in the aftermath of an affair/cheating NO topic should be off the table for discussion - just as no topic should be forced awkwardly onto the table. So if discussions about fantasys like threesomes need to happen, they need to happen.

Note, I said "for discussion". One's house must be in order before inviting people over to play, so they say, and that might take years to accomplish.

I agree with you, but like Bill, I agreed that it is something that could be a possibility, regardless of what the wife did since the person who made the thread obviously wanted to make things work (and was interested in having a threesome, with a man). Though I agree that cheating is not a way to start one, it could be on the table for discussion of how to make things work inside the relationship.

Cheating is a deceiving and wrong act, so I completely agree with you. I personally am not interested in open relationships, because I certainly am educated on them (they're just not for me), but the fact remains that the suggestions given by other people weren't necessarily wrong, since like we've all said, we have no idea what the actual situation is. Simply giving input isn't something to get upset over.

This actually started on another thread that I personally believe should be dropped and dealt with personally, but I'm really irritated at some of the stupidity that was posted there.

When someone is hurting because somebody was cheating, dealing with broken trust or sexual affairs there are one hell of a lot of emotions that need to be dealt with. There are issues to be addressed and feelings to be understood. The situation and itself needs to be dealt with.

Regardless of what you may believe about open relationships, polyamory, threesomes, sexual adventures or ANYTHING else, now is NOT the time to say just go and actually fuck someone else or have a threesome. Taking a relationship from monogamous to open is something that should be carefully considered and thought out.

It's very likely an emotional situation on it's own, possibly one with enormous benefits, but I can't imagine a single situation where it starts from an affair IF the underlying situation is not dealt with where the relationship will survive at all.

I really had the feeling that some people were advocating opening up a relationship or a threesome as a way to "spice it up", some whom don't have a reputation on Eden as having experience in an open relationship.

Sexual and open relationships are wonderful. They can meet human and sexual needs in ways that one partner may never be able to. They don't start from the emotional turmoil of cheating and broken trust.

This actually started on another thread that I personally believe should be dropped and dealt with personally, but I'm really irritated at some of the stupidity that was posted there.

When someone is hurting because somebody was cheating, dealing with broken trust or sexual affairs there are one hell of a lot of emotions that need to be dealt with. There are issues to be addressed and feelings to be understood. The situation and itself needs to be dealt with.

Regardless of what you may believe about open relationships, polyamory, threesomes, sexual adventures or ANYTHING else, now is NOT the time to say just go and actually fuck someone else or have a threesome. Taking a relationship from monogamous to open is something that should be carefully considered and thought out.

It's very likely an emotional situation on it's own, possibly one with enormous benefits, but I can't imagine a single situation where it starts from an affair IF the underlying situation is not dealt with where the relationship will survive at all.

I really had the feeling that some people were advocating opening up a relationship or a threesome as a way to "spice it up", some whom don't have a reputation on Eden as having experience in an open relationship.

Sexual and open relationships are wonderful. They can meet human and sexual needs in ways that one partner may never be able to. They don't start from the emotional turmoil of cheating and broken trust.

I agree with the majority of what you've written here. The one thing I would add to it is that an affair can *sometimes* point out to people that one of them is not geared to be monogamous. Sometimes it doesn't mean that at all. However, it's worth pondering. This is not to say that taking the cheating relationship anywhere will be anything but disastrous.

This actually started on another thread that I personally believe should be dropped and dealt with personally, but I'm really irritated at some of the stupidity that was posted there.

When someone is hurting because somebody was cheating, dealing with broken trust or sexual affairs there are one hell of a lot of emotions that need to be dealt with. There are issues to be addressed and feelings to be understood. The situation and itself needs to be dealt with.

Regardless of what you may believe about open relationships, polyamory, threesomes, sexual adventures or ANYTHING else, now is NOT the time to say just go and actually fuck someone else or have a threesome. Taking a relationship from monogamous to open is something that should be carefully considered and thought out.

It's very likely an emotional situation on it's own, possibly one with enormous benefits, but I can't imagine a single situation where it starts from an affair IF the underlying situation is not dealt with where the relationship will survive at all.

I really had the feeling that some people were advocating opening up a relationship or a threesome as a way to "spice it up", some whom don't have a reputation on Eden as having experience in an open relationship.

Sexual and open relationships are wonderful. They can meet human and sexual needs in ways that one partner may never be able to. They don't start from the emotional turmoil of cheating and broken trust.

This actually started on another thread that I personally believe should be dropped and dealt with personally, but I'm really irritated at some of the stupidity that was posted there.

When someone is hurting because somebody was cheating, dealing with broken trust or sexual affairs there are one hell of a lot of emotions that need to be dealt with. There are issues to be addressed and feelings to be understood. The situation and itself needs to be dealt with.

Regardless of what you may believe about open relationships, polyamory, threesomes, sexual adventures or ANYTHING else, now is NOT the time to say just go and actually fuck someone else or have a threesome. Taking a relationship from monogamous to open is something that should be carefully considered and thought out.

It's very likely an emotional situation on it's own, possibly one with enormous benefits, but I can't imagine a single situation where it starts from an affair IF the underlying situation is not dealt with where the relationship will survive at all.

I really had the feeling that some people were advocating opening up a relationship or a threesome as a way to "spice it up", some whom don't have a reputation on Eden as having experience in an open relationship.

Sexual and open relationships are wonderful. They can meet human and sexual needs in ways that one partner may never be able to. They don't start from the emotional turmoil of cheating and broken trust.