Brush-offs and disbelief when coming out as poly

thisisadeletedaccount thisisadeletedaccount
When I came out as poly to my parents, my mom was supportive, but said a lot of things like "It makes sense to experiment now, while you're young. You don't want to be forty and settled down and realize you never got to try any fun things."

I didn't offer much of a response because I was happy to get any support at all, but the whole way she framed things in that comment and in other comments later made it sound like she thinks being poly is okay while I'm young and in college, but eventually I'll want/need to give up those "fun things" that I used to "experiment" with and settle down monogamously. I admit that I'm young and my sexual future could go in any number of directions, but it was really strange and hurtful to have the relationships I share with two people I care about deeply get automatically brushed off as an experiment, especially when I've made it clear how much they both matter to me.

Has anyone else had experiences in which their poly identity was brushed off, as a temporary or experimental thing or in a different way entirely? Please feel free to vent and share.
05/18/2012
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Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
Quote:
Originally posted by thisisadeletedaccount
When I came out as poly to my parents, my mom was supportive, but said a lot of things like "It makes sense to experiment now, while you're young. You don't want to be forty and settled down and realize you never got to try any fun ... More
I was told it was ok for my sister to have all the sexual fun she wanted but I had to not do this because I have children. Like I would run through my house swinging my bra around my head and having swinging sex parties while the girls eat their morning cereal or something. I just politely told her my sex life is none of my kids business and if they follow my example they will be practicing safer sex and being loved fully. It is my hope that they follow my "example". See? Unlike the common misconception I was 26 before I had my first child and had a wild time previous to that....she just never knew because I figured it wasn't her business.

I get what she is thinking, your Mom, but it is hurtful. What will she say if you have struck relationship gold (AKA you work your asses off and stick it through...with nothing catastrophically relationship wrecking happening) and you are together 20 years from now? Sigel, Arch and I are going on 8 years, it could happen!

You should treasure that she is supporting you and forget the other stuff. There's time enough later to challenge her thinking.
05/19/2012
thisisadeletedaccount thisisadeletedaccount
Quote:
Originally posted by Airen Wolf
I was told it was ok for my sister to have all the sexual fun she wanted but I had to not do this because I have children. Like I would run through my house swinging my bra around my head and having swinging sex parties while the girls eat their ... More
Yeah, that's what I figure - if this works out and Kath and Lou and I are still together years from now, she'll have had some time to get used to the idea. I'm not intensely worried about it, it was just ver frustrating in the moment.
Thanks for sharing your experience! I was interested to see what kind of reactions other people have gotten.
05/20/2012
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Unique posters: 2