Can a polyamorous person be successful in a monogamous relationship?

Bex1331 Bex1331
Do you think a person who is usually in a polyamorous relationship and is often attracted to more than one person at a time can be in a successful long term monogamous relationship?
Answers (private voting - your screen name will NOT appear in the results):
I'm polyamorous and I think it is possible.
34  (44%)
I'm polyamorous and I don't think it is possible.
6  (8%)
I'm monogamous and I think it is possible.
34  (44%)
I'm monogamous and I don't think it is possible.
4  (5%)
Total votes: 78
Poll is closed
04/09/2012
  • Buy 1 Toy Get 1 FREE
  • Better Price Sale - Save 70%
  • Better Price Sale - Save 60%
  • Better Price Sale - Save 50%
  • Better Price - Save 40%
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
All promotions
Badass Badass
Anyone can make up their mind to be loyal and make it happen.
04/09/2012
underHim underHim
If that is the type of relationship they choose to be in then they can absolutely do it, but they have to want to do it, not do it just because it is what is expected.
04/09/2012
Antipova Antipova
I need a middle ground vote. I am a polyamorous person, and I think it's possible *depending on your definition of successful.* Yes, I can act in a monogamous way for an extended period of time (or indefinitely), and have. Does it usually result in feelings of ill-at-ease-ness, and usually involve me backing out of most social life outside said relationship? Also yes.

Sometimes it's worth it, sometimes it's not. So it depends what you're aiming for, whether or not you call it successful.
04/09/2012
Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
Quote:
Originally posted by Bex1331
Do you think a person who is usually in a polyamorous relationship and is often attracted to more than one person at a time can be in a successful long term monogamous relationship?
It is totally possible. As long as it's a conscious choice not a forced or shamefilled (as in the monogamous partner who shames or coerces his/her partner into monogamy) decision then it's entirely possible for a normally poly person to thrive in a monogamous relationship. We have an amazing capacity as humans to thrive in the oddest circumstances, when love is the focus we can do anything we set our minds to.
The same needs for communication and trust are paramount for a poly person to be happy in a monogamous relationship. Just because you are capable of loving many people doesn't mean you NEED to love many people!
In my experience most poly folk who love mono folk are very focused on their mates and tend to pour endless energy into the relationship keeping it fresh and exciting to feed their need for such a connection. For the mono folk it can sometimes be a relief to have that intensity shared with someone else...but that doesn't mean it is necessary or that the poly person will inevitably cheat. Cheating begins when the poly person is prevented from meeting their needs but to be fair it is the same in a monogamous-monogamous union.
04/09/2012
Ciao. Ciao.
I'm pretty exclusively monogamous but I don't see why not. It's all about communication and needs. If you are used to poly relationships you probably have that communication part down (I would hope!) but it would just be a matter of properly negotiating each partner's needs and making sure they were being addressed. Poly people can be just as committed and devoted to their partners as those who are monogamous.
04/09/2012
DreamWolf DreamWolf
I do think it's possible!
04/09/2012
thisisadeletedaccount thisisadeletedaccount
Yep, I think so - what really matters is good communication and trust between partners.
05/12/2012
FHeemz FHeemz
You control your own destiny, if you want it to work, it can work. =)
06/28/2012
Mitzuki Mitzuki
Quote:
Originally posted by FHeemz
You control your own destiny, if you want it to work, it can work. =)
Absolutely this. :]
07/01/2012
ksparkles16 ksparkles16
I definitely think it's possible.
07/02/2012
Sinfully Sinfully
Of course it's possible
07/02/2012
pasdechat pasdechat
I don't consider myself polyamorous because I stick to monogamous relationships, but I would say yes. I think the vast majority of people at least have a tendency towards polyamory--most people don't just lose all interest in others when they enter a relationship, at least once the first stage of infatuation has passed. People who are in successful monogamous relationships simply make a choice not to act on those impulses.
07/02/2012
Crimson Vixen Crimson Vixen
I believe a polyamorous person could potentially be in a monogamous relationship. However, I relate closer to the monogamous aspect.

My fiance and I have tried polyamoury in our relationship and I had tried in a prior relationship. Neither time worked out, the most recent being very traumatic for myself.
07/08/2012
Claire-Bear Claire-Bear
Of course they can. Monogamy and polyamory is a choice.
07/08/2012
gsfanatic gsfanatic
Yep, my friend is polyamorous, but for the past year+ now, she's been delighted to be in a monogamous relationship with her boyfriend.
07/08/2012
Nora Nora
Quote:
Originally posted by Bex1331
Do you think a person who is usually in a polyamorous relationship and is often attracted to more than one person at a time can be in a successful long term monogamous relationship?
Having just celebrated 9 years with my partner and only the past year as an open/poly couple...I think it is totally possible to "do" monogamy, but then again, since we turned toward non-monogamy though...maybe we aren't the best example!
08/01/2012
LadyRelentless LadyRelentless
I think it's pretty funny that the "i'm monogamous and I think it's possible" is winning this poll.

I'm not sure. I sorta feel like I'm not wired right for monogamy. I might appear to be monogamous for a while, but then if I start feeling like coming home to the same person isn't a choice any more, it's something I *have to* do, then I stop wanting to do it, even if there isn't someone else who's bed I'd rather be in. Then I get all crazy and no fun to be with anyway.

Whereas if I have a partner who's at least open to the idea of other lovers, I don't feel resentful and stuck, and I'm a much more pleasant lover to have.

I think it's less that I actually need to fuck other people, and more that I need to be allowed to want to fuck other people.
08/14/2012
Missmarc Missmarc
Quote:
Originally posted by Bex1331
Do you think a person who is usually in a polyamorous relationship and is often attracted to more than one person at a time can be in a successful long term monogamous relationship?
I'm polyamorous and I think it is possible.
08/14/2012
playsalot playsalot
Quote:
Originally posted by Bex1331
Do you think a person who is usually in a polyamorous relationship and is often attracted to more than one person at a time can be in a successful long term monogamous relationship?
I think that even people in monogamous relationships are attracted to more than just the person they are in a relationship with. Depending on the person it may or may not work, I would imagine that it would matter how committed they were to each other and being in a monogamous relationship.
08/15/2012
KrissyNovacaine KrissyNovacaine
I think it is completely possible. Let me rephrase this question.

I am bisexual. Would I be happy only sleeping with men for the rest of my life? yes. Would I be pissed if someone else forced that choice on me? yes. Would I be content if I was able to make my own informed choice? yes.

Let's rephrase again. I am attracted to dirty blondes and red heads. I would be happy never dating another red head if I found amazing love and chemistry with dirty blondes.
08/17/2012
Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
Quote:
Originally posted by LadyRelentless
I think it's pretty funny that the "i'm monogamous and I think it's possible" is winning this poll.

I'm not sure. I sorta feel like I'm not wired right for monogamy. I might appear to be monogamous for a while, ... More
While yes a monogamous person really can't know whether a poly person could be happy in a monogamous relationship. However as a poly person I can say that yes it is possible. It's much easier when there is a choice involved rather than a force issue.
If I choose not to have other lovers and this is also agreeable with my partner then we are in a monogamous relationship and if we are happy then we are successful.

I think it comes down to the choice, the difference is it really has to be a choice for poly folk.
08/18/2012
x203 x203
Yeah its possible
08/18/2012
Stagger13 Stagger13
Quote:
Originally posted by Bex1331
Do you think a person who is usually in a polyamorous relationship and is often attracted to more than one person at a time can be in a successful long term monogamous relationship?
It all depends on the person and the relationship.
09/20/2012
Geogeo Geogeo
Quote:
Originally posted by Bex1331
Do you think a person who is usually in a polyamorous relationship and is often attracted to more than one person at a time can be in a successful long term monogamous relationship?
anything can happen
10/02/2012
remember.me remember.me
Yes, I think anything is possible in regards to this. For some, the fact they love this person they are with and they are monogamous is enough to stay with just them. I was in a relationship with someone who was poly - we broke up for other reasons. He was very loyal.
10/02/2012
tiniest bird tiniest bird
Yes, definitely. Just because I can love more than one person doesn't mean I can't be perfectly happy with just one. Feeling attraction doesn't mean you need to act on it.

And, in fact, I was unhappiest in a (poly) relationship with another poly person, who decided that every instance of attraction must be acted upon, and who often neglected me for whomever had most recently caught his attention.
10/14/2012
doowop doowop
Yes, times a million. I was poly before becoming involved with my most recent ex. I fell in head-over-heels love with her, and she wasn't comfortable with having a polyamorous relationship, so we started a monogamous one. I didn't have any other relationships at the time so no one got hurt.

Yes, it was hard. I had to learn how to not make her jealous and to not be so open with others. But we lasted about 3 years before, get this, SHE LEFT ME FOR SOMEONE ELSE! Had she been open to polyamory this could have worked out. But her jealousy and lies wouldn't have allowed us to continue either way. I think one of the best aspects of polyamory is the level of honesty and trust, and she just wasn't trustworthy with how secretive she was with this other woman. It's unfortunate.

Anyway, yes I do believe people who are polyamorous can be successful in monogamous relationships. I never cheated, but it did feel a little unnatural after awhile.
01/22/2013
ginnyluvspotter ginnyluvspotter
Depends
01/22/2013
Trixxxy Trixxxy
Personally, I'm in an unopen relationship and I completely fail at it.
01/22/2013
  • 1
  • 2
Total posts: 37
Unique posters: 36