Do you feel that because so many poly/open relationships end bad it is really because they used it as an excuses rather than a frame of mind/ life choice?

I guess I'm sort of in an open relationship. I have a beau, and he is aware of my sub. My sub has a sex buddy, and she is aware that he has a special cyber friend (though I don't know if she knows about the D/s. He's pretty private about that particular aspect of his sexuality, since he's usually a dom). My beau is comfortable with me making videos for both of them, and is comfortable with my sub watching us.

I don't know that it would really work long term for me, since I am rather jealous of love, but I don't love either of my men in a possessive way. I really like my beau, but am not in love with him at this point, and I love my sub, but in a way where I don't require his full devotion. He trusts me with his deepest sexual secrets, his feelings, and his heart, and that's plenty.


The main reason that I've seen poly relationships fail is that no one seemed to have any idea what they were getting into. It just seemed to be "More sex, whee!", rather than a deliberate choice. I've only seen them end badly, but maybe some of that is my age... I'm still pretty young, and most of the poly groups I've known have been college kids who later found out they were getting jealous.

I can honestly say "I just don't know"

Well I feel like in some ways, they're doomed from the start. A lot of life factors may come up that may cause the inevitable end of the entire scheme......Sowwy .

I voted based on personal experience, so it was biased.

I found that my last relationship ended badly because the girl my husband and I were with admitted after it ended that she was 1 cheating on us and 2 was in it to sleep with my husband (this is after we started out wanting a trinogamous relationship).
We would have been open to her dating other people but for her to do some of the things she did to try and pull SirPhryxus and myself apart...that's why it ended as badly as it did.

I still believe it could work if all 3 (or more) people were open and honest about it all.

I have many swinging couple friends, and some times I will play with them. My boyfriend and I have a family unit with another couple, mostly platonic. Us girls play around they boys won't play with each other. It can be difficult keeping the relationship up we are comign up on two years in a few months. The thought of I have my mate I don't need them pops up when ever we have to put out more work for the relationship then we want. They have a 3 year old we do not. Overall it is well worth it to stick togather through thick and thin. There are many times when we are so grateful they are in our lives and when ever something goes wrong there 3 other adults to help out.

Poly relationships might be a replacement for the missing village mentallity. Where as a group we work towards our survial, we assist each other with babysitting, running errands, bills and our ultimate goal a house. Since we are renting anyways might as well rent from a friend that has a house with a mother in law apartment. ^_^ We have all the room mate problems but we remind our selves of the good times and the other crappy room mates we have had in the past.

Plenty of relationships end badly regardless of whether they were poly/open.

I didn't vote because I don't feel like I can make any kind of meaningful statement about how the majority of poly people feel about anything. I know for me, entering into a poly triad was not about fulfilling a fantasy or having an affair. It was the result of my partner and I both developing feelings for a really cool person who reciprocated those feelings, and we moved into the situation carefully and with a lot of checking in and conversations involved. Trying polyamory definitely requires a LOT of trust and communication, and I doubt that everyone who explores being poly is really prepared for that, but I feel like that is equally true for any monogamous relationship.

We see this all the time. People are not upfront about what they want out of their poly relationship, and that makes things terribly difficult.