Have you successfully been in a triad?

KinkyShay KinkyShay
I am poly and have several partners. One of these relationships has expanded to include his other female partner. The three of us have really relaxed, wonderful chemistry around each other. She and I talk about everything under the sun, from poly to psychology. Not only do we all play together but we enjoy just being in the others' presence.

Everything is completely open and we find that by she and I having a relationship completely between ourselves, it sweetens the triad we all have. Actually triad is not the best term. More of a poly family. I'm hearing, and I believe, that this situation and it's smooth, wonderful details, is the exception rather than the rule. I'm wondering about others' experiences.

Have you had this? Would you want it? What obstacles have you encountered?
05/19/2010
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Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
I have been in a similar situation and probably would still be in it if we had had some support. We were young and not internet savvy so we had no way of knowing that what we were doing was perfectly natural! I still miss her...

My current situation is the exact opposite. I have a husband and we have a life partner who is male. I have a children with both men and we are a family. My husband likes the freedom to "play the field" and our lifepartner prefers to be polyfidelitous but also likes the fact that he is not limited to his current situation. It feels wonderful that we have chosen this and that it isn't something someone else told us to do...ya know? It's about freedom to us, the freedom to be together or apart. The odd thing is it calmed Sigel down and revved up Arch.

When you consider polyamory rather than swinging it is very important that each person be free to develop the relationship they desire from each other person. If each person has a special reltaionship with each and every other person there is a much better chance that the whole situation will be more stable. It won't have that two against one feeling and the jealousy seems to evaporate.
05/21/2010
hussy hussy
Quote:
Originally posted by KinkyShay
I am poly and have several partners. One of these relationships has expanded to include his other female partner. The three of us have really relaxed, wonderful chemistry around each other. She and I talk about everything under the sun, from ... More
I've got a triadic relationship now, among other things. It's going very well! In the beginning, it was a vee, centered on my girlfriend M. At about the same time, she started seeing both me and our current boyfriend D, and since I was really quick to back off when I saw the other relationship forming (I wasn't completely committed to the idea of a romantic relationship at the time, and I didn't want her to end up missing out on something potentially great with him for me when I wasn't sure of my wants), the two of them were 'officially' a couple first. But then a novel idea - why did she have to stop seeing me, just because she was with D? In fact, since I said I was game, why don't we try a threesome?

And it all somewhat deliberately, somewhat magically, fell into place from there. I fell head over heels in love with M, and while D and I were trying hanging out to make sure we got along well, too, we ended up falling in love. For M and I, it's been very easy. We aren't possessive or jealous by nature, it seems, which is lucky. D has had a little harder of a time, not so much with sharing us with each other (although that, too, has had some roadbumps), but mostly with others outside the relationship. He's doing his best to work through it, though, and has been very supportive of my new outside relationship with another guy, T.

Honestly, though, it is somewhat surprising how little work the triad has taken. So, hooray for all of us!
06/10/2010
El-Jaro El-Jaro
I've only known one triad. It was a single girl on with a married couple.

On the surface it looked fine. Once you saw a little more of the situation, you could see how messed up it was. It was basically a situation where the wife wanted a girlfriend and the husband really had no choice about it. He wanted to have sex with the other girl too. The wife had jealousy issues when she saw her new girlfriend with her husband.

It really colored my views on triads. Good luck and more power to those in them, but they aren't for me if they're going to be like the above.
06/17/2010
Annemarie Annemarie
Quote:
Originally posted by KinkyShay
I am poly and have several partners. One of these relationships has expanded to include his other female partner. The three of us have really relaxed, wonderful chemistry around each other. She and I talk about everything under the sun, from ... More
I once had a triad, a married couple and me. We were pretty much a family together, as well. I lived with them, and slept with them, and basically everyone shared everyone else. There were no jealousy issues, as I usually spent time with them both equally (if we ever had a chance to be apart). Everyone had equal say in what happened, and no one was left out of the relationship, physical or emotional.

I really miss being with them.
06/17/2010
Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
Quote:
Originally posted by El-Jaro
I've only known one triad. It was a single girl on with a married couple.

On the surface it looked fine. Once you saw a little more of the situation, you could see how messed up it was. It was basically a situation where the wife wanted a ... More
No doubt! That sounds horrible and what I went through with our first triad. If I had had the excellent support I've received online then I think things would have been much better but I wouldn't willingly go through that turmoil again. We have grown as people since then and realized that we really are better when we are open but it wasn't an easy road. If it works for you then great if it doesn't then great! Whatever works.
06/18/2010
PassionQT PassionQT
I was for a brief amount of time, until the side effects from my birth control killed my libido and they both decided that no sex = no friendship. Nice, huh?

My partner and I have been looking for another male for this, but it's been hard to find one who wants casual friendship. Most just want sex.
07/11/2010
Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
Quote:
Originally posted by El-Jaro
I've only known one triad. It was a single girl on with a married couple.

On the surface it looked fine. Once you saw a little more of the situation, you could see how messed up it was. It was basically a situation where the wife wanted a ... More
WOW! Funny how people are isn't it? I want my cake but I won't share it with you... Sounds like the Wife had major self esteem issues. Two people loving her but she could accept that they could love each other an that it wouldn't diminidh their love for her, it's sad really.
Sigel has trouble sometimes with my relationship with Arch and vice versa but we've come to realize that when these issues crop up it's time to step back as a unit and reevaluate the arrangements we've made. Sometimes it's just some special alone time or a reassurance that the other guy isn't trying to "cause trouble". It's a real balancing act though.
07/17/2010
Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
Quote:
Originally posted by PassionQT
I was for a brief amount of time, until the side effects from my birth control killed my libido and they both decided that no sex = no friendship. Nice, huh?

My partner and I have been looking for another male for this, but it's been hard ... More
WOW nice couple...we had a hot and heavy lover who became probably one of the best friends we've ever had. We've also had the best friend a couple could ever have become a life partner. Never walk away from love regrdless of it's form is my motto. I would always prefer a friendship over just a sexual liason.
07/17/2010
Timaree Timaree
done it briefly- was successful in that no one died. neither relationship was meant to last independently, much less with the added strain of the triad itself.


here's a column on trying out three-ways early on in relationships link
08/07/2010
Envy Envy
I admit I've had fantasies of having two bfs and both liking each other at the same time, but in practice it was horrible (thankfully all online) and the guy tried to steal my bf--he got really nasty, tried to break us up, etc. After a year or so he calmed down a LOT and is just a friend now. But geeze, the drama during that was terrible....

Kudos to those whom it works for.
08/07/2010
joja joja
I successfully had two boyfriends who were equally into each other for about two months. It was a long-time fantasy of mine and I felt like the luckiest girl on earth for that time. Eventually they started to drift apart, then break up, leaving me to hear each complain about the other. Left both of them shortly thereafter, but on good terms.
08/11/2010
Cuntext Cuntext
I'm currently in a poly triad, and it's generally great. This was a couple who went from being strictly controlled open to being fully poly at the time they did so as not to lose me, and over the past eight or so months, it's evolved slowly from being the two of them as primary partners and me as each of their secondary partners, to a more loose, fluid, unregulated triad in which all partners are "formally" equal, so to speak. They've been together longer, and they live together, but we no longer have rules about who sees whom when, for how long, or in what ways; the limits to my relationships with each of them have been eliminated; asking permission is outmoded, though of course respectful consideration and consultation is the norm.

It's been work, I'm not going to lie about that, and I find it hard to believe when people say there are absolutely NO jealousy issues. I think in the end, though, it comes down to being with people who are good people. It comes down to being with people who agree on what basic respect looks like and how you treat someone you care about, people who are in good faith with each other, who trust each other and check themselves when that good faith or trust is wavering for no good reason. Equally important is wholehearted commitment to the ideology of poly--you can't do it as a substitute for something else, or as a compromise, you have to do it because it's what you believe in and it's what you think is best for you. That's the only way you can get the strength to actively reshape those pesky ingrained monog ways of seeing things.
08/17/2010
Hazzard Hazzard
I'm in a sort of triad, as we all are involved with each other, although it is not on equal footing. I have a boyfriend and my boyfriend and I have a "pet". My bf, F, and I were together first, and then we decided to have a threesome with my friend J. F and J really hit it off and in the couple weeks afterward we decided to invite him into our relationship. He accepted and things have been pretty much great. We've hit a couple rough spots, not with jealousy of each other but of people outside the triad, but we worked through it and we've been together as three for more than a year now.

Now, my previous relationship was a V that did NOT work out at all because the girl at the other end of the V was a freeloader and had jealousy issues. I would never do that again, but triads are a whole different thing. It's much harder to get jealous of somebody when you're doing stuff with them too.
08/26/2010
CleverKitty CleverKitty
Coming up on a year now in a triad. It can be tough at times but communication is key.

I don't have any magic way to describe how things work for us but mainly it's because we talk about our needs and what is going on with each other. Of course at times we triangulate but we are working hard to stop that.

Also the fact we are constantly striving to better our relationship helps.
09/22/2010
trios trios
Quote:
Originally posted by Airen Wolf
WOW nice couple...we had a hot and heavy lover who became probably one of the best friends we've ever had. We've also had the best friend a couple could ever have become a life partner. Never walk away from love regrdless of it's form is ... More
I think that I am pretty liberal sexually, and knowing that I would be open to a poly relationship, I may have reconsidered my current situation (married to a Very conservative woman).

I would be nervous tho about STDs out there if multiple partners are involved...
10/30/2010
Serendipity Serendipity
Quote:
Originally posted by trios
I think that I am pretty liberal sexually, and knowing that I would be open to a poly relationship, I may have reconsidered my current situation (married to a Very conservative woman).

I would be nervous tho about STDs out there if multiple ... More
careful discussion should take place in any sexual relationship, poly or otherwise. and testing for STDs should be standard anytime you enter a new relationship. it only takes one sexual encounter to get an STD so multiple partners isn't necessarily a factor, but a partner who doesn't fully disclose is and so is not getting yourself tested regularly.

finally, protection. use it. always. nitrile gloves for putting your hand on or in someone's privates, a condom on a toy or cock.

not all couples or poly folks choose to be fluid bonded and some choose fluid bonding only within their poly family and only after testing, but use precautions if dating others.

you just need to be educated and consistent.
10/30/2010
Serendipity Serendipity
I dated a hubby and wife for almost a year sometime ago. I was more physically attracted to the wife but got along better with the hubby day to day. They were a package deal and I chose to end it but keep in touch with them here and there.
10/30/2010
Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
Quote:
Originally posted by trios
I think that I am pretty liberal sexually, and knowing that I would be open to a poly relationship, I may have reconsidered my current situation (married to a Very conservative woman).

I would be nervous tho about STDs out there if multiple ... More
That's like being worried about all the cars on the road if you plan to walk on the sidewalk. Sure in the country you might be statistically safer but you still can't walk with a headset on and a blindfold. You practice safer sex and you get to know your potential partner(s), you take care of yourself by getting a good physical once a year and testing as often as every three months if you are engaging in really risky behavior. You educate yourself on the symptoms of illness and learn what questions to ask. It's not that difficult or that risky.
11/05/2010
CutiePatootie CutiePatootie
Its nice to hear about others who are having successful poly relationships. I'm new to this, since in the past the threesomes never lasted past 1 or 2 times.
My husband and I met with a girl via the internet about 4 months ago and something we all thought was going to be simply experimental probably just one evening has turned into regular dating and sex.

We have laid out some ground rules between my husband and I so that we are comfortable with what is going on, and the longer we date her, the more lax the rules have been becoming. Also it seems that she wants her own husband and family one day and we are completely open to her dating and letting us know when she needs to do that. In the meantime we work normal 9-5's and she has an odd-houred packed schedule (soon to get busier with an advanced degree) and doesn't really have the extra time to meet people so we see this going on for a while. It has not only been great for our marrige, but it's opening my husband up to toys and it's been building her confidence back up after a nasty breakup.

I wasn't sure how comfortable I would be with us actually having a girlfriend, it had always just been a fantasy, but we are doing really well, and I think a lot of it was meeting the right girl.
11/12/2010
PussyGalore PussyGalore
It was an absolute disaster for us. Too much jealousy; we all had possessive personalities. In the end, I learned a lot and am grateful to have the experience. I don't know as if I could do it again but I am not opposed to casual sex - in theory. A lot of ground rules would have to be laid down.
11/12/2010
callsignhusker callsignhusker
my partner and i have been looking for a poly partner, but so far to no avail. i forgot how hard dating was
03/07/2011
SexyStuff SexyStuff
I think this is really hard to do.
03/07/2011
Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
Quote:
Originally posted by callsignhusker
my partner and i have been looking for a poly partner, but so far to no avail. i forgot how hard dating was
It really does suck doesn't it?
04/19/2011
Total posts: 24
Unique posters: 18