How did your family react when you "came out" as polyamorous?

SkinFlute SkinFlute
Were they supportive? Do they pretend that you are monogamous? Are they indifferent? I'm curious!
05/25/2012
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thisisadeletedaccount thisisadeletedaccount
My parents have been very supportive, for which I am super grateful. They are generally very chill people and I feel like the amount of honesty and frankness in our parent-child relationships is probably a bit unusual, but it made it relatively easy to talk to them about my primary's and my new partner.

My mom is mainly concerned with how quickly and dramatically I commit to relationships, because my last relationship was a rigidly structured monogamous one with a very socially conservative straight cis guy, and she doesn't want me to devote myself to any number of people again too quickly because she's worried I'm going to pick someone who's not the most supportive of my identity and end up as unhappy and stressed as I was then. I don't think I'm in danger of that with my current two partners, though - they are really lovely people, and also far more communicative and feminist than my ex.
05/26/2012
Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
Quote:
Originally posted by SkinFlute
Were they supportive? Do they pretend that you are monogamous? Are they indifferent? I'm curious!
My Mother insisted that she could deal with it and then berated me because I have children. She disowned me, once again, and my Dad tried to physically assault me because I made my mother angry and we haven't talked in two years. Honestly, I don't really believe my parents care except that I won't "mind" them and do as I'm told in other areas of my life. They are waiting for me to fail so they can feel superior and "right" which I think is just sad.
The rest of my family, more than likely, know nothing about my situation because my Mom MUST appear to be the injured party in any dispute and she's already told them that I threatened her and what not...she out weights me by over 100 pounds and stands 8 inches taller but ya, I'm a mean brute!
My life has never been as tranquil and just plain old easy as it is right at this moment, even if my heart still hurts. I pray that they will some day see the error of their ways but I'm not holding my breath!
05/27/2012
Phosphorous Tick Phosphorous Tick
I'm not poly but my girlfriend is. And I had to tell him since he kept accusing her of cheating on me when I knew she was with other people.
He just kind of shook his head and walked away from the table and said something about being disappointed in me.
05/28/2012
finnimbrun finnimbrun
Unfortunately, I haven't come out to my family yet and they think I'm just dating my primary partner. Wanted to share something, though about when my primary partner came out as poly to his mother.

Him: Hey, Mom, remember when (girlfriend's name) was dating (girlfriend's ex's name)?
His Mother: Yeah? Why?
Him: Well, I was kind of dating her too. And I kind of still am.
His Mother: But... you're dating (my name)?
Him: Yep. I'm dating both of them. And (my name) is dating (my other partner's name)! We're polyamorous.
His Mother: ...Oh, okay. Cool. (carries on with what she was talking about before)

(His mum's actually really cool though, this reaction wasn't surprising. Just amusing.)
05/31/2012
thisisadeletedaccount thisisadeletedaccount
My partners' families are quite different from mine - my primary partner's family has no clue that we're poly, and our third's extended family and father know nothing, while her mom knows basically everything and is disoriented but trying to come to terms with it. She seems worried that her sweet Texan daughter is going to get hurt by those freaky queer Californians and their strange relationships while she's at college.
07/04/2012
Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
Quote:
Originally posted by finnimbrun
Unfortunately, I haven't come out to my family yet and they think I'm just dating my primary partner. Wanted to share something, though about when my primary partner came out as poly to his mother.

Him: Hey, Mom, remember when ... More
Sounds like Arch's conversation:
Arch: I have a girlfriend in the states, she's amazing and she's who I went to see last month. She's also married and doesn't plan on leaving her husband...I'm ok with that and we have decided to see where this goes.
Parents: (sound effects: crickets and then rapid fire questions)

He told them that he loved them but had already made his mind up and hoped that they wouldn't disown him. They chose to be adults about the whole thing and did their best to make sure he was safe. They are amazing people though, and have come to accept though they do not agree. They love their grandson and their son...and they appreciate that Arch has grown so much in this relationship.
07/07/2012
Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
Quote:
Originally posted by thisisadeletedaccount
My partners' families are quite different from mine - my primary partner's family has no clue that we're poly, and our third's extended family and father know nothing, while her mom knows basically everything and is disoriented but ... More
Awwww you got a home grown hottie? Nice!
07/07/2012
Nora Nora
Quote:
Originally posted by SkinFlute
Were they supportive? Do they pretend that you are monogamous? Are they indifferent? I'm curious!
We still haven't "came out" to anyone in our family. Mainly because of passive/aggressive comments made by my side of the family about an aunt I have that is openly bi-sexual.

If/when we do though, I believe that my partner's side of the family will probably take it better (we suspect his parents were swingers when he was a child). We'll probably tell them first as they live close enough to "catch us" at some point anyway and when our child is born in a few months...we'll need a baby-sitter when we all go out!
08/01/2012
thisisadeletedaccount thisisadeletedaccount
Quote:
Originally posted by Airen Wolf
Awwww you got a home grown hottie? Nice!
I'm a Northern Californian, seeing a Southern Californian and a Texan while we all go to school in SoCal. I think if our third's whole family knew they'd blame it on the state, but I can say with assurance that their daughter was ditching heteronormativity for a long time before we met her. I like to joke that she is literally in bed with the liberals now.
08/02/2012
geekkink geekkink
My parents were already poly... and Bi, I didn't get to have any horror stories. At least not about coming out. They couldn't understand two males one female. That confused them. My parents are really stupid.
08/02/2012
KrissyNovacaine KrissyNovacaine
My mom was supportive, but doesn't get it. She doesn't care, but can't wrap her head around it well.
08/03/2012
Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
Quote:
Originally posted by geekkink
My parents were already poly... and Bi, I didn't get to have any horror stories. At least not about coming out. They couldn't understand two males one female. That confused them. My parents are really stupid.
Naw, they just have a different frame of reference. Perhaps you will be able to help them understand just by being happy, healthy and successful in your chosen lovestyle. If practicing polygyny makes them happy then great...if practicing hetero-normative monogamy makes my parents happy then great! Doesn't make them stupid for not understanding my lovestyle just close minded.

Love them where they are and hope for the best!
08/03/2012
geekkink geekkink
Quote:
Originally posted by thisisadeletedaccount
My partners' families are quite different from mine - my primary partner's family has no clue that we're poly, and our third's extended family and father know nothing, while her mom knows basically everything and is disoriented but ... More
Priceless, I'm from TN myself. Not all southerners are completely crazy my friend.
08/18/2012
geekkink geekkink
Quote:
Originally posted by Airen Wolf
Naw, they just have a different frame of reference. Perhaps you will be able to help them understand just by being happy, healthy and successful in your chosen lovestyle. If practicing polygyny makes them happy then great...if practicing ... More
Ohh I love my folks, and they are both not stupid at all, they both have several degrees, and my Dad has a PH.D in human sexuality, this is why I say my parents are stupid. Of all people to not be confused about it, it should be them.
08/18/2012
Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
Quote:
Originally posted by geekkink
Ohh I love my folks, and they are both not stupid at all, they both have several degrees, and my Dad has a PH.D in human sexuality, this is why I say my parents are stupid. Of all people to not be confused about it, it should be them.
Ok I can see your point....he knows about human sexuality but doesn't recognize that the wonderful thing about human sexuality is that there are no rules. Ah well, at least they are supportive if a bit confused!
08/20/2012
smlove smlove
My brothers know. They're both kind of jealous cause they're in monogamous relationships and wish they weren't. We told my parents that they might see us kissing other people in a non-family way at our wedding because we had a 'makeout policy'. they may be aware of more, but I haven't had the courage to come out to them as poly yet. They were totally cool when I came out as pansexual, and then when my first girlfriend (now wife) was 25 years older and transgendered, they were cool. I'm just worried they may stop being cool at some point.
08/22/2012
The Kitty The Kitty
Quote:
Originally posted by SkinFlute
Were they supportive? Do they pretend that you are monogamous? Are they indifferent? I'm curious!
we have not told all of our family but those who know have had mixed reactions, some are indifferent, some find it very upsetting and ask us to never speak of it, some are curious and ask questions. No one has been terrible supportive so we are greatful when we just get non malicious curiosity. I fear the day when we have no choice but to tell everyone.
08/30/2012
LadyRelentless LadyRelentless
While I haven't told my family to many specifics of the strange relationship situations I find myself in, they certainly pick up on that it's not traditional. My mother has certainly been aware of people in my bedroom that were not the lover they knew I had.

They grew up in the 70s, and are fairly liberal and not to critical, but my mother did comment once "I think you might have gotten a little too liberal" or something of that nature.

ha.
09/03/2012
closed account closed account
my sister is one seriously cool lady! she has never judged me for anything. and is always supportive.
11/04/2012
Cynoc Cynoc
It was rather funny when I broke it to my parents. They both told me (they're divorced) "Oh, we tried that in our days. Didn't work for us, but, good luck"
And I thought I was being all original, haha.

Now my mom basically treats my other significant other as family
12/26/2012
Total posts: 21
Unique posters: 13