I see a lot of posters here talking about wives/husbands or boyfriends/girlfriends . I wonder: how many of you are in open relationships? Open for our purposes will mean that you have sexual and/or romantic partners other than your significant other.
I voted not open to the idea of one because I wouldn't want an open relationship with my current partner. However, that's not to say that I wouldn't want one were I with someone else.
Food for thought - Love and possession are NOT the same thing, nor are they synonymous.
I agree with that completely.
I could not deal with an open relationship. It would break me down too quickly. Sex is good, but I do not feel for anyone other than one person, and just having a more-some or an open relationship where we each see other people would not be good mentally for me. But I AM open to the idea (the choices on this were a bit odd) if other people have them. I'm not going to go around getting angry and upset because other people have them based off the fact that I don't want one - any relationship can be a wonderful thing, no matter how many people are involved.
It is a fantasy of mine but only a fantasy. I have several friends that have tried it, some sucessuful but most not because they had no idea of all the issues involved, and it had ruined a lot of relationships.
I am completely wired to be poly. I believe I was born this way and I will die this way. That's not to say I won't have a marriage that looks monogamous on the surface at various points in my life - because I probably will. Or maybe not. Who knows?
I did not wake up one day and realize this. Nor did I always *know* it. Figuring it out shook me to my very foundation in my mid 20's, and I am still a poly baby by most standards.
My husband, whom I married after all this was out on the table, is wired monogamous, and he is a total HERO for facing his fears in order to let our marriage flourish and to let me be me. I couldn't ask for a better partner.
That said - the threesomes and occasional girl-on-the side are certainly perks for him...as is the fact that he doesn't have to indulge my endless array of kinks all by himself.
I don't care *what* your relationship looks like. As long as its consciously chosen and it makes you happy and it allows you to be the person you are - then mazeltov! Life is too damned short to do otherwise.
I am completely wired to be poly. I believe I was born this way and I will die this way. That's not to say I won't have a marriage that looks monogamous on the surface at various points in my life - because I probably will. Or maybe not. Who
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I am completely wired to be poly. I believe I was born this way and I will die this way. That's not to say I won't have a marriage that looks monogamous on the surface at various points in my life - because I probably will. Or maybe not. Who knows?
I did not wake up one day and realize this. Nor did I always *know* it. Figuring it out shook me to my very foundation in my mid 20's, and I am still a poly baby by most standards.
My husband, whom I married after all this was out on the table, is wired monogamous, and he is a total HERO for facing his fears in order to let our marriage flourish and to let me be me. I couldn't ask for a better partner.
That said - the threesomes and occasional girl-on-the side are certainly perks for him...as is the fact that he doesn't have to indulge my endless array of kinks all by himself.
I don't care *what* your relationship looks like. As long as its consciously chosen and it makes you happy and it allows you to be the person you are - then mazeltov! Life is too damned short to do otherwise.
I agree completely that love and possession are not the same thing. Monogamous relationships can be as wonderful as any other, but they are not the standard for a correct and/or healthy coupling. I know that I never been in a relationship where I have wanted to be monogamous --or desired for my partner to monogamous. I have *had* those relationships, but was never fully satisfied in them.
The relationship I have is my first truly open relationship, and it's definitely hard sometimes. It's not like being poly = never being jealous or possessive. Sometimes I am and sometimes he is. However, in the end, I would never want to deprive him of another opportunity or experience and I would hope he feels the same way about me
I could not deal with an open relationship. It would break me down too quickly. Sex is good, but I do not feel for anyone other than one person, and just having a more-some or an open relationship where we each
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I agree with that completely.
I could not deal with an open relationship. It would break me down too quickly. Sex is good, but I do not feel for anyone other than one person, and just having a more-some or an open relationship where we each see other people would not be good mentally for me. But I AM open to the idea (the choices on this were a bit odd) if other people have them. I'm not going to go around getting angry and upset because other people have them based off the fact that I don't want one - any relationship can be a wonderful thing, no matter how many people are involved.
The question was about your own relationship, not how you feel about others'. Saying you're "open to the idea" of other people having them is essentially just saying you're tolerant of the life choices of others.
The question was about your own relationship, not how you feel about others'. Saying you're "open to the idea" of other people having them is essentially just saying you're tolerant of the life choices of others.
Ahh, alright. I understand. I wasn't sure what it was what the poll saying, so I didn't want to choose that if it wasn't what I felt. And yes, that is exactly what I was saying. There's no reason to not be when I don't even know them.
I'll admit I think about it sometimes, but my thought train always goes in a loop back to where I started: I'm not emotionally suited to be in an open relationship. I'm too insecure, too possessive, and too in love with just one person.
I'm way too protective of my boyfriend plus extremely insecure and jealous. I could never function in an open relationship, and my boyfriend is the same way.
You definitely need to be secure to do poly well. I come at it from a place of feeling confident those I love have my best intentions at heart and I have theirs. I also have a belief that we cannot control others, their sexuality, or their choices. Many many "monogamous" people cheat. The stats bear this out. I'd rather be a part of that decision making on my partners behalf and vice versa. The hurtful part of cheating are the lies (not to mention those lies can lead to STD's and other health concerns).
I've been this way my whole life, and like Red, it has looked mono on the surface at times. I have only once chosen to be mono for about a year and felt it wasn't for me. It had nothing to do with someone else as I didn't have anyone I wanted to sleep with, it was about my mental and emotional state of feeling "controlled". If someone wants to be with me or me them, it is a free choice at every moment, not because a monogamous contract was made.
All this being said- I don't think poly is for everyone. It requires a lot of work and personal commitment.
My S/O have been with each other for 13 years and in the past 6 years or so have come to the agreament that if one of us meets some one and want to have some fun we can as long as it is ok'd by the other and we are welcome to bring some one home for some group play non of witch has happend yet.
For the both of us knowing that we can lets our relationship seem easyer she don't throw a fit when I look at girls (some guys) and I do not bitch when she is looking in fact we joke and play around with it when we go out the best thing is it gets us hot and horny and we have some of the best sex when we get home
I've been in a polyamorous relationship with two lovely girls who broke my heart for one another, I've personally moved past that and we've all become very good friends since then... I loved it, and wouldn't change anything, I'm glad they realized their love for each other and I hope someday soon I fall in love again, whether it be poly or mono, the important thing is love.
Every open relationship I've seen has failed. In fact, one of my husband's relatives just got divorced because his wife did not follow their "terms". I guess they went about it because they kept secretly sleeping around and wanted a way not to feel guilty about their extramarital activities. So instead of admitting that they cheated they decided to have an open relationship where they could sleep with anyone that wasn't family or close friends.
I've seen different scenarios play out, one where this really great couple (I loved them!) ended up going their separate ways when a 3rd moved into their home, she drove a wedge through them and the husband fell in love and the wife ended up taking off. Etc, etc. There are so many different ways these types of relationships end but after years of being a witness I've never seen any good come from them. Maybe there are people out there who are in wonderful open relationships but the ones I've seen either start well and end up crumbling or start horribly and end just as disastrous. Including one I had with a man well before I met my husband.
If my husband and I didn't have children I might be open to the idea of an open relationship but with a child, I can't afford any more complications. I also don't have the time, energy, nor desire to explain who all these different people in our lives are. My child is my life and I couldn't keep my relationships separate- I can't compartmentalize, it gets too messy when you section parts of your life off- I need the whole puzzle, not a bunch of puzzle pieces.
I may be prejudiced but a part of me is jealous. The thought of sleeping with or falling in love with someone other than my husband is a huge fantasy- we've hit so many rough patches and after all these years of just him and I a part of me is curious for more but I am happy. I'm very happy and I just couldn't jeopardize that happiness even if I had a plan, even if I had all these things written down to keep things from getting messy or complicated but that's life- life doesn't follow any plans I lay forth and it completely disregards rules and boundaries, life is completely unexpected and something I can't control so for now and probably for the rest of marriage, an open relationship is out of the question.
As a young buck this concept seemed interesting - but I've never had the time or emotional energy to support more than one significant other. When I was young STDs were an inconvenience - now their deadly!
It's so reassuring that I can enjoy the affections of my lover without condoms, dams - or fear of STDs.
However to me the most important factor is that I am invested 100% in helping my mate achieve her maximum erotic potential. It's so emotionally rewarding when things work out.
We're on a life long journey to please one another - there isn't anything that is more rewarding.
I hold no animosity fro those who take other paths - I'm just couldn't be happier with our choice to remain faithful to eachother.
I could not deal with an open relationship. It would break me down too quickly. Sex is good, but I do not feel for anyone other than one person, and just having a more-some or an open relationship where we each
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I agree with that completely.
I could not deal with an open relationship. It would break me down too quickly. Sex is good, but I do not feel for anyone other than one person, and just having a more-some or an open relationship where we each see other people would not be good mentally for me. But I AM open to the idea (the choices on this were a bit odd) if other people have them. I'm not going to go around getting angry and upset because other people have them based off the fact that I don't want one - any relationship can be a wonderful thing, no matter how many people are involved.
There is real strength in knowing yourself and your boundaries. If my husband and I had realized these truths in ourselves we would have cherished and maintained the first triad we were involved in, and we'd have possibly been much happier earlier. I believe one should never turn away from love no matter how it is offered so long as it doesn't cause pain...unless pain is the desired outcome!
I agree completely that love and possession are not the same thing. Monogamous relationships can be as wonderful as any other, but they are not the standard for a correct and/or healthy coupling. I know that I never been in a relationship where I
...
I agree completely that love and possession are not the same thing. Monogamous relationships can be as wonderful as any other, but they are not the standard for a correct and/or healthy coupling. I know that I never been in a relationship where I have wanted to be monogamous --or desired for my partner to monogamous. I have *had* those relationships, but was never fully satisfied in them.
The relationship I have is my first truly open relationship, and it's definitely hard sometimes. It's not like being poly = never being jealous or possessive. Sometimes I am and sometimes he is. However, in the end, I would never want to deprive him of another opportunity or experience and I would hope he feels the same way about me
Holycow how right you are! Sometimes the three of us have long conversations about how jealous we are and how to address these considerations! Takes work but it's so worth it!
I have been in a fmf poly triad for almost 20 years, and married to my wife for 31 years. Is it for everyone? Oh hellz no. But we have found our comfort zones and it has worked reasonably well overall.
I'm other. I didn't want to mess up your poll and vote. My boyfriend and I don't share each other romantically or sexually with anyone else, but we do play openly with the BDSM community and that usually fulfills our need for "open-ness".
I have been in a fmf poly triad for almost 20 years, and married to my wife for 31 years. Is it for everyone? Oh hellz no. But we have found our comfort zones and it has worked reasonably well overall.
WOW now that makes me feel better! Our triad has been together for 2 years now and we have a child born from it...all I seem to see are people who have failed or are just getting started.
I don't think I am emotionally stable enough for an open relationship. I am not opposed to open relationships and if it works out for a couple, then good for them. I would be extremely jealous and an emotional wreck if I knew my boyfriend was spending time and having sex with another woman. Sometimes I feel the urge to have sex with other people but I know that would be unfair to him if I had sex with other people and he could not.
i didnt vote because my situation doesn't fit anywere. I would find a open/polly relatiship v/ intresting and be open too with anone besides the guy im with now. I thnk when were togeather we fit togeather and noone else would really be able to squeez in. My bf isnt intrested in having a physical/romantic relationship w/ someone else, but if he was i would try to adjust to make him happy and if that was truely what he wanted it would be doable.
unfortunatly we are in a long-distance relationship, have been for yrs, and will be for atleast one more. This leave a little room for playing, for me, with another girl, for the time being. He is in total say of what i can and can not do and i am very happy w/ that. There is one girl imparticular who i have had really good sexual chemisty w/ in the past and who undertands our situation and seems willing try, although not much has happend as of yet. possibly/probably somthing will happen soon though
