A male perspective on polyamory

geekkink geekkink
It seems that very few of the topics in this board ever come from the male perspective, So I figured I'd work on fixing that.

Our Tribe consists of two men and one woman.

The two males have were friends in elementary school, than had a large gap away from one another until very recently. The woman actually kind of runs most things.

The two males are twenty nine, and the female is twenty four.

This is getting terribly scientific and boring. I myself am Bisexual and the female in our relationship is as well, the other man is not. Okay that is everything I need to explain about the this is this this is that side of our grouping.

I absolutely adore this life style, I was raised poly, My father had at one point in my life seven women. I always hated that, that is how it had to work for him, the women couldn't have other men. It seemed silly to me. The thing I loved most about it growing up was that there was always someone to talk with, or someone who knew how to answer my questions. My tribe consists of people from both vastly different backgrounds, and areas of study, our music tastes are all different, and we all have different skills.

I can cook, and fix just about anything for instance I also clean, I even like doing these things, so it's natural for me to slip in a role that fills that. I am my girlfriends Dom, and taking on these more feminine roles as it were doesn't insult that position for me.

The other male works and fixes computers. He is often times the voice to the rest of the world as well, as he is vastly less passionate about things than our shared partner and myself. He can filter for us. It's useful when your angry people. Me having PTSD myself really don't care if I hurt other peoples feelings, or often notice when I do. Having him as a buffer is really nice.

The female in our group is passionate, which is great when two people are not, she is almost too passionate for two people. When someone is devoid of mostly all emotions, and the other is very rational this is a nice person to have.

What I absolutely adore about our relationship is how well we all work together. It's very rare we have issues in our household. If something needs fixed someone can, if friends need assistance someone here can handle it. I suppose this is a more rational solution to something that is often discussed as purely emotional based in this board, but honestly this style of relationship works well, on a rational level. We all share common interest yes, it would be much harder if we didn't I am sure, but the fact we are not all the same on everything is great. There is often times nothing in this house someone can not accomplish, and certainly nothing we can't do if we all work together.

I've seen a lot of posts in this board, always discussing if this is ethical, or is it fair to this person. It's rarely discussed what type of personality would be best to add. Forgive me a moment as I am a bit of a sociologist, it's what I got to school for, but I think this is vastly better a thing to look at. Everyone wants to be needed, if you add a person to your group that is exactly like someone else, what role will they fill in your group. I clearly don't mean extra person to scrub toilets, I mean what mental and social role do they add. I mentioned earlier my PTSD, the fact our tribe has a person who can calmly and rationally explain things to others is a huge boon to our groups survival. The fact a cold, and very much emotionless it is useful to have someone that has emotion like the woman in our group does.

I think it would be best for people to focus less on, does this person fill our emotional needs, which yes are most certainly important, but more to the effect of does this person fill our life needs and we theirs.

( If I was to actually write this out and formulate it, I could actually get a good paper out of this, might send it to sex is social. )
08/02/2012
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Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
Thank you. My guys have been toying with the idea of sharing their feelings here simply because they are tired of me poking and prodding them in the interest of helping others. Men are supposed to be walking around grunting and dragging their ONE woman off and then she is supposed to NEVER want to be with another guy...and if she does then he is supposed to beat, kill, maim. Except men are sensitive, vulnerable, gentle, loving creatures that sometimes need and desire more than one partner, and sometimes they even love seeing their beloved(s) being loved.

We find this sort of "role filling" in our own V, when one is going off on a wild tangent there are two of us sitting there watching, applauding, predicting the outcome, and waiting to welcome him/her home. When two of us are off and running there is one to reassure the kids we are still there!

Hey, if you are looking for a little support and help getting an article together for SexIs c'mon over to the Eden Lit club and check us out. We can offer some real help and, well, we need a man who is unafraid to stand up and say, "Hey, this is my perspective!"
08/03/2012
geekkink geekkink
Quote:
Originally posted by Airen Wolf
Thank you. My guys have been toying with the idea of sharing their feelings here simply because they are tired of me poking and prodding them in the interest of helping others. Men are supposed to be walking around grunting and dragging their ONE ... More
I'm going to address your points in reverse, I would love to send a few things to sex is social, if my dry sarcasm, and over analyzing things can come through. Standing up for my perspective is literally all I know how to do. Mental issues you know.

I think role filling is really damn important, someone can't just be fun to fuck, and fun to hang out with, all those things are great yes, but people need to feel they fill a purpose, if a new person in your group feels you do everything for them, and they bring no useful skills to the party, they will always feel like the "third wheel" as it were. "You do all these things for me and I do nothing for you." It's as much a problem for them as it is for you.

Someone recently posted a comment in the poly board here about why they couldn't ever be poly, I found it stupid, and yes I understand it's my perspective, but they said. I love my girlfriend too much to share her. I fixed their grammar, and I simply posted back, I love my girlfriend too much not too. I suppose I have always been a person who wants to share things I like, I don't find an amazing restaurant and never tell anyone, I don't see a great movie and tell my friends it was shit so only I know, like some sorta theater Gollum, I see my partner the same way, this person makes me extremely happy, and if I like you, I want you to experience that too.

I'll be deeply honest, I am not an emotional person, PTSD does that too you. I see everything cold and logical, my partner makes me really smile, not fake laughs, and false smiles I put on my f ace so the world doesn't think I am a fucking psycho, this person makes my broken brain, work right. Why in the hell would I ever want to hide that away from the world. This place needs that, it is not only selfish, but a disgusting trait to feel I am entitled to be the only person to have that.
08/03/2012
Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
I could just imagine you sitting in the empty theater stroking the popcorn bucket and whispering, "It's all mine...the popcornsssss."

You know what? I was PTSD when I lived with my parents...it has taken well over 15 years but I have recently been assured by a professional that I can no longer be classified either broken or suffering from PTSD. So there is hope and the love of some pretty special people plays a giant role in the recovery and the realization that you did not cause the trauma that is affecting you nor are you defined by it. You are worthy of love, capable of returning love, and feeling love in all it's technicolor glory.
I came to the realization that the only thing that separated me from "healthy" people was the belief that I COULD be healthy. The rest came easy...it's just a matter of learning healthy habits.

I know EXACTLY what you mean when you say "...this person makes my broken brain, work right. Why in the hell would I ever want to hide that away from the world." I was actually told that I would never make it in the world because I had gotten married and my life was over...but the day I said, "I DO" was the day my life BEGAN. This is a man worth knowing and loving and I want EVERYONE to love him. He was as broken as I was and somehow we got better, much better.

Seeing someone loving him is like validation on all levels, and for him, as long as he is sure that my heart holds a special place for him, he wants everyone to love me. Sex is such a small part of what we do...but it's all everyone seems to want to see. My guys are AWESOME, hard working, amazing beyond the norm..I'm biased, sure but they really are. Tucking them away and saying, "Mine all mine" just isn't as gratifying. It's like hiding a gorgeous gem because other people seeing it might somehow diminish it's brilliance.

Anyhow, thanks again for talking I enjoy hearing what you have to say.
08/03/2012
Mistress Dragon Mistress Dragon
Ok I know both Airen's men and they are both very AWESOME in more ways than many people see of them. As for the one here with her I do know how hard he works and just how much he means to the V relationship they share. He is a very special man and a great friend to love. As for the other part of the V he is also very special and makes this a full relationship from what I can see and watch them as a whole. I have not had the pleasure of spending as much time with him but hope to someday.
I am so glad that you choose to share them with others and that they choose to share you as well. We have became great friends and hope to stay that way for a long time.
My husband and I are in an open relationship and have talked about a ploy, he only tells me if that would make ME happy then we can try it. I want him to be as happy as I am with witch ever life path we take. I could only wish to have what Airen has with her men.
I am happy to see that there are men that will tell others their side of what this lifestyle is like so that the world may know it is not a bad life to live. The only bad life to live is an unhappy one.
08/10/2012
geekkink geekkink
Turned into a SexIs article. as I threatened to do.
08/19/2012
TransGuy14 TransGuy14
I think in any relationship, mono or poly, it's important that partners fill both emotional and life needs. In my primary relationship, she cooks and I clean. She is not good with money/bills and I am. Etc... So for us, the life needs are just as important as the emotional bonding that we share. If we both hated cooking, well, that would be a problem. If we both spent money frugally, or both were too tight with finances, well, that wouldn't work out either. There definitely needs to be a balance.
11/21/2012
Total posts: 7
Unique posters: 4