Do you believe that monogamy is natural or unnatural for humans?

People are, for the most part, semi-monogamous, but we're not designed to mate for life like albatrosses.

For me it is very natural, but i dont think monogamy is a one size fits all. It's different for everyone.

Monogamy takes effort, it isn't just a natural thing that happens. Regardless of whether we act on impulses or not, everybody has them. There is nothing wrong with fantasy or daydreams, but it does speak to our more basic urges.
The fact that we can have serial monogamous relationships supports this. Serial dating, serial marriages. The mono- part may be culturally attached, but the fact that our feelings are fluid and can change with the wind also speak to a basic nature.
Shouldn't that make commitment that much more satisfying?

All relationships require effort to work. Monogamy is natural for some people while polyamory is natural for others. I have tried to make my monogamous relationship work for over 24 years, but have recently realized I am not wired for that. I have started a poly relationship and have found I am happy, satisfied, and communicated far better and more frequently in the past 3 months than I probably did for the prior 20 years.

I really don't think it's either natural or unnatural. People are so different and unique that it will be different from person to person. I've always been the type of person to be completely monogamous, and I've never really felt the need to be with multiple people. But I know that there are plenty of people out there that are the exact opposite.

we were totally JUST talking about this is my SexPsych class--from a biologically standpoint we're programs to want to "spread our seed" as far as it can go. I also think that you have to have a lot of strength as a person to be polyamorous--and I personally don't think I have that strength

I think it's unnatural for humans to be monogamous.

This is such a tough one honestly, and I think everyone's different. I believe that by nature, I am highly monogamous. I'm also highly perfectionist, though, so it's not as easy as it sounds. Another side of nature does come out every now & then, though. When it comes to this side of the subject, I'm not a cheater, though, I'm a martyr. Tough question without an easy explanation or answer.

I feel Monogamy is natural for humans as far as marriage. Unlike most animals, we have our own sense of intelligence, emotion, etc. that causes us to become attached to that one person. You know it is natural when it is literally embedded within the laws of society. A male cannot be married to more than one woman, and a woman cannot be married to more than one man. If this was unnatural, I personally think these laws would have been changed by now.

I do know people who are in polygamous relationships, and not marriages of course. Most are on my mother's side of the family, or friends of friends. I have a good friend from work who is with a transgendered male, and a female. All together, the three of them own one apartment, sleep in a California King Sized bed, eat breakfast together, etc.

The only bad thing with their relationship is that they are constantly having jealousy issues. They can't decide on whether it is okay for two of them to go off alone and have sex, or if they should all three have sex every single time. My friend from work, Sara, is the one of the group who is constantly travelling. While she is gone she is always asking me if I can check up on Ronnie and Liz. It's quite annoying. She doesn't want them spending too much time close together without her, and openly admits this.

I personally just think that monogomous relationships are for the better. I see polygamous relationships to be more of a sexual friendship. The relationships I have seen have never lasted more than a year or two. Jealousy always takes over, and reality sets in.

I give props to those who can actually keep a relationship like that going.

Monogamy is definitely not natural behaviour for humans. Why would cheating even happen if that were true, let alone happen so often? Not to say that cheating is natural or good, it's horrible! Just that the urge is there, showing that we are naturally attracted to more than one person most of the time. ^_^

I have not had any polyamorous experiences yet, but my boyfriend and I decided to be open/poly a few weeks ago. I definitely enjoy the possibility of exploring other relationships even if I have yet to try it. I already feel a lot more free and natural, even though neither of us have officially had any experiences as a polyamorous couple yet.

I agree with the idea of it being both.

Also, not all of nature is polygamous. Many of the more intelligent species mate for life. Birds especially.

I read Sex at Dawn and thought that it made a lot of sense. I think that humans, as a species in general, are not biologically wired for monogamy (until I hear significant scientific evidence otherwise). That's a generalization, though. I know there are a lot of individuals who make monogamy work for them, and I have no problem with it. I just think we need to acknowledge that we are biologically wired to want to have sex with more than one person. A lot of people end up feeling a lot of shame over the fact that they're physically attracted to people other than their one chosen partner, or they offend their partners by admitting that they have eyes for more than one human on the face of the earth.

I think it's perfectly reasonable for humans to expect monogamous behavior from their partners, if both have agreed to it. To cheat on a partner and then blame biology is a lame excuse. But I think the world would be a lot better if we all admitted that our physical bodies do not want to live in monogamous, fairy-tale lives. We want to fuck- and not just one person exclusively forever and ever.

And for the record, I have never cheated on a partner and have had no difficulty maintaining long relationships without being compelled to cheat. Never even considered it. I couldn't enjoy myself if I couldn't have my sexy adventures without my partner's blessing.

I think that it really just depends on the people in that relationship... I believe that monogamy and polygamy can both bring happiness... and obviously with over 6 billion humans on this planet everyone wont fit a certain lifestlye... I think this would be rare, but if you can have 3 or more people in a relationship and everyone is truely happy, why not do it? Then again, it is hard enough for 2 poeple to stay happy lol... I say worry about yourself and let everyone else do whatever they want to...

But is it natural or not? if it feels natural to you, then yeah... if it doesnt, then no... that simple lol... some will like it... some wont... but yeah, I am sure that what you are taught growing up does effect this at least a little... but some who grew up with polygamy dont choose it and some who didnt grow up with polygamy, try it... so I think if it is natural or not just depends on each individual person...

I haven't weighed in on this topic for a while - just to let you know I'm in the we're not animals camp. We decide what to do - we're not helplessly driven to have sex with multiple partners.

It's an interesting and academic argument and I know there are plenty who disagree - but what I want to say new is that once you make a commitment to monogamy, you can't cop out and start cheating and blame it on biology. If you no longer wish to be monogamous - you have to have the cajones (yes even you ladies) to tell your partner BEFORE having sex with someone else - then it's not cheating, at lest you are honest with yourself and your partner.

Often the biology thing is just an excuse for philandering - sorry that doesn't cut it.

Why is honesty so hard for so many?

I think it depends on the people and where they are in life. To each their own. Some are best served by pair bonding for 50 years and other exploring. Let's not judge and wish everyone the best on their paths in life.

To me and my partner and actually every person I know except one believes that monogamy is natural. I do believe monogamy is or shall I say WAS natural, until humans decided to go and make their own rules, have zero boundaries. God made everyone to have one partner in marriage. That's not to say he didn't expect us to have a period of learning by going through several or more partner before we learned who we were meant to be with. I was lucky enough to find mine very early in life and it's like nothing in the world, to find that person. Even after 5 years he's always saying how God truly made us for each other. He did. When we first got together he was a believer, saved and all, but didn't exactly KNOW God or know how to have a strong relationship with God and he tells people I "saved his life." I always reply with "no I didn't God did, he just used me to get to you." I believe that. When you do find the ONE (not 10) person you were made for (if you believe this way that is) then you WILL absolutely without a doubt know it and the feeling is unlike anything in the world. I'm not referring to butterflies in your stomach feeling, I'm talking about the feeling when you know you've found who God made perfectly for you... and only you.

I'm not saying this applies to all. Obviously if a person doesn't believe this way then of course it does not apply to them. It couldn't. But we live this way and enjoy it. Neither of us would want multiple partners. I know one person who's always trying to shove it down my throat that I'm stupid, in-human, etc. for believing the way I do. He's actually gone to GREAT lengths to make me believe the opposite. His reason is: It feels good, do it. Drugs feel good too, some even feel amazing, but it doesn't mean it's the right thing to do. I don't try to make others believe my way and I respect everyone no matter their beliefs but some like this specific person, think their job on earth is to make one person believe the way they do. I can't stand that. My partner and I are happy being monogamous and we will NEVER choose any other. We're not monogamous because we might go to hell (that's sarcasm. You wouldn't be sent to hell I'm sure!) This is how we truly want to live and people will not understand that or leave us alone about our decision. The person who is so bothered by our relationship lives in a diff country and still manages to tell us we cannot like living this way!

If you and your partner(s) are all happy in whatever relationship you choose and no one is hurting, then I don't see a problem. Choose what you truly believe in. I do AND I do not expect anyone to follow in my foot steps unless they feel the same. Otherwise, I don't bother trying to change someone. It's not my job to judge or change. I believe in acceptance and showing love.

woah woah woah, I feel like we are doing a lot of demonizing of the polyamorous here, and I have a hard time listening to it.

There are lots of people who make monogamous commitments and then go ahead and cheat. Some of those people might blame the cheating on their biological need to spread their seed. These people are jerks. They are not, however, the only people who believe that humans are not naturally monogamous. There are plenty of honest ways to sleep with more than one person in your entire life. You find partners with similar beliefs, you hammer out an agreement that works for both of you, and then you are open and honest about what goes on. You could be sleeping with other people or merely admitting that you fantasize about it, but either way, you are discussing your non-monogamous desires.

If it were natural to be monogamous, we wouldn't fantasize about non-monogamy. Whether we act on our urges to be non-monogamous is up to us, sure, and it's up to every individual to do the right thing, but our physical bodies feel the urge to sleep around, even if our human sensibilities are able to suppress those urges.

If we weren't naturally driven to sleep with multiple partners, why would we have to make laws and religious codes to reward monogamy? Everyone would naturally behave monogamously if we were naturally monogamous, just like we have laws to make us wear clothing in public and not assault people who piss us off. It is natural for humans to sleep around, walk around naked, and get into fist fights, but our laws and moral codes advise us to transcend our basic programming. There's nothing wrong with laws that require us to behave unnaturally. I'm rather happy that we have laws against assault, and nudity on public transportation, and public urination.

We can overcome our natural urges and make unnatural behaviors standard practice, and that's OK. Unnatural is not a bad word. What offends me is when people demonize my natural urges to fantasize about other people when I'm in a relationship. That is absolutely natural and nothing to be ashamed of. There's nothing wrong with people who feel absolutely no non-monogamous urges either, but they should recognize that other people have natural urges to be non-monogamous, even if it's just a married woman's harmless fantasy to sleep with Captain Jack Sparrow. You can ask them to not give in to those urges, but you can't suppress them entirely. They are biologically programmed into our bodies, and we can't keep saying that only bad people feel the urge to sleep around.

What I was seeing is a lot of people speaking up in favor of monogamy by speaking against dishonesty and cheating, setting up this false "either/or" situation between monogamous people and dishonest cheaters. I know this was probably unintentional, and I didn't mean to accuse anyone of an intentional, direct attack on polyamory and other kinds of open relationships.

I just want people to realize that when somebody makes the argument that "Monogamy is natural because people who cheat on their partners are lying jerks", it implies that those who are not monogamous are cheating jerks. I see a lot of people setting up this "straw man" argument (unintentionally, most likely, because most people aren't familiar with functional, non-monogamous relationships) by arguing for monogamy because those who aren't monogamous are dishonest. When one side of a debate is praised for their honesty and courage and moral strength, it implies that the other side does not possess honesty and moral strength. By ignoring the honest, non-monogamous crowd and instead speaking against the dishonest people who fail at their promises of monogamy, you're setting up a straw man that is more easily attacked, while those in favor of honest, non-monogamy sit there confused and wonder why we're debating honesty vs. dishonesty instead of monogamy vs. non-monogamy. Yes, honesty is important, but I don't think anybody is saying that it isn't.

Again, I know it's probably unintentional, because the non-monogamous people that most of us hear about are cheaters and not honest, polyamorous people. I don't mean to accuse anybody of intentionally attacking the non-monogamous, but rather to point out that making the discussion about honesty instead of the stated topic seems to be ignoring the existence of honest non-monogamy.