Poly people.....a couple non poly's have a question...

Bignuf Bignuf
Seriously. In a monogamous relationship, if someone doesn't like their partner, they break up or divorce. How is this handled in a Poly situation? If, for instance, you are a "group" of three, and two of you are still "into" each other, but the third person does not want to be around one of the two of you...doesn't that really complicate things insanely? How about a four way situation. Oh my...relationships are hard to deal with when it's only two. How do you deal with that aspect? Do you agree ahead of time, if one person does not like one other, they are "out"?

Just wondering about the complex human dynamic that this must create.
08/25/2013
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SheRa! SheRa!
Quote:
Originally posted by Bignuf
Seriously. In a monogamous relationship, if someone doesn't like their partner, they break up or divorce. How is this handled in a Poly situation? If, for instance, you are a "group" of three, and two of you are still "into" ... More
I wish there were some responses to this considering I'm in that situation now and trying to figure out what to do.
I'll give each person a number to help keep this organized: tried a triad for the first time, and all were open to trying. 1 and 2 have a several year history together, 3 has a past history with 1 but not with 2. Shortly into it, 1 and 3 realize things aren't what they used to be, meanwhile 3 has fallen hard for 2 and the feeling is mutual. 2 still loves 1 but the relationship is strained (in general, not just because of the feelings between 2 and 3)...
How's that for complicated?
08/27/2013
Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
Quote:
Originally posted by Bignuf
Seriously. In a monogamous relationship, if someone doesn't like their partner, they break up or divorce. How is this handled in a Poly situation? If, for instance, you are a "group" of three, and two of you are still "into" ... More
The only real answer is it depends on the group just like it would depend on the couple in a monogamous relationship how they handle breaking up.

In our situation I have kids with both men so there couldn't be a situation where in we simply tell the one to go away. We have a responsibility to the children, no matter what age they are, to behave in a mature manner and continue to co-parent.

If we were to break up we would have to negotiate the split just as carefully as any monogamous couple has to during a divorce. It would suck, be painful, and change us fundamentally...just like breaking up does for any configuration.

Polyamory isn't really anymore complicated that monogamy there are simply more people involved. Break ups are messy and painful no matter how many people are going their separate ways.
08/27/2013
Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
Quote:
Originally posted by SheRa!
I wish there were some responses to this considering I'm in that situation now and trying to figure out what to do.
I'll give each person a number to help keep this organized: tried a triad for the first time, and all were open to trying. ... More
You all need to come together as a loving unit and set some new goals and negotiate what has changed, what needs to change and where to go from here. I would suggest sitting down in a neutral setting like a coffee shop or restaurant...or even a public park and talking about the future. Relationships become strained when communication breaks down. Pull together as a unit and I predict the rest of the stuff can be worked out.
08/27/2013
Billie Bones Billie Bones
I was a couple's third for a while. They broke up and I just spent time with both of them separately. That worked out pretty well.
10/09/2013
Istanbull Istanbull
Quote:
Originally posted by Billie Bones
I was a couple's third for a while. They broke up and I just spent time with both of them separately. That worked out pretty well.
That seems to be a solid logical answer.
10/09/2013
Total posts: 6
Unique posters: 5