How fabulous that he's the step-father, what a wonderful position. I sometimes use the term "the dads" when talking about the guys in conjunction with the kids, however in the singular they call my boyfriend "Uncle"
Poly with children
Quote:
My girls don't call Arch 'Uncle' because they don't feel comfortable with me sleeping with their Uncle...they are odd ducks. Monkey has never known a life without two Dads so he calls Arch 'DaDaDa' "TaTo" which is polish for dad (or Hi Kitty) and Sigel he calls DaDA (emphasis on the second Da or Kitty as well) He shows that he knows the difference between his bio Dad and his step dad which is fine for now.
Originally posted by
Wicked Lush
How fabulous that he's the step-father, what a wonderful position. I sometimes use the term "the dads" when talking about the guys in conjunction with the kids, however in the singular they call my boyfriend "Uncle"
We'll answer his questions honestly when he asks them but for now everyone is Hi Kitty to Monkey.
01/24/2011
Airen -
Don't worry about what others think about your family or Michaels welfare. You have a very wonderful family, all of whom I've grown to absolutely love. If anyone is going to question whether or not Michael is going to grow up in a good family, they need to spend more time around you.
You have two of the most well behaved, polite children I have ever met. It just goes to show how well you and Sigel raised your kids. If all parents were like you three, there would be a lot less of a need for DFS.
When you just walk into your house you can feel the stability and love that is held within it. And people really need to stop judging before they know the whole story, and have been around it.
Don't worry about what others think about your family or Michaels welfare. You have a very wonderful family, all of whom I've grown to absolutely love. If anyone is going to question whether or not Michael is going to grow up in a good family, they need to spend more time around you.
You have two of the most well behaved, polite children I have ever met. It just goes to show how well you and Sigel raised your kids. If all parents were like you three, there would be a lot less of a need for DFS.
When you just walk into your house you can feel the stability and love that is held within it. And people really need to stop judging before they know the whole story, and have been around it.
02/06/2011
Though I am not at the same stage in my life, I appreciate considering the larger picture of how relationships develop and deepen over time.
We live in a culture where not everybody has deeply set roots and traditions and stories to help them deal with all the challenges and joys that family life has to offer. I highly value reading a story like yours, because sharing our stories and experiences is how we build our own culture that is true to our lives.
And I agree that the nuclear cookie-cutter family does not fit. Peoples' experiences of family come in so many different shapes and sizes. For instance I don't come from a poly family, although I have a very long line of half siblings stretching out from my mom & dad's various pairings, and their partner's various pairings, and on and on. We don't even know how far these lines extend, and real people have been produced out of this process.
We live in a culture where not everybody has deeply set roots and traditions and stories to help them deal with all the challenges and joys that family life has to offer. I highly value reading a story like yours, because sharing our stories and experiences is how we build our own culture that is true to our lives.
And I agree that the nuclear cookie-cutter family does not fit. Peoples' experiences of family come in so many different shapes and sizes. For instance I don't come from a poly family, although I have a very long line of half siblings stretching out from my mom & dad's various pairings, and their partner's various pairings, and on and on. We don't even know how far these lines extend, and real people have been produced out of this process.
02/22/2011
Thanks for this post! My husband and I are not in a poly relationship yet, but it is something we are open to in the future. We plan on having children together, and I wonder what the relationship of our other 'wife' will be to our children. And if something ever happened to either one of us, what the legal rights will be regarding the children. Scary thoughts.
03/20/2011
Quote:
Thank you for sharing your story, that sounds like such an emotional roller coaster, not just for your relationship but also your children. I hope everything works out for everyone including your children
Originally posted by
Airen Wolf
Just as I thought we had all this poly stuff worked out we added a new dynamic to the mix.
My husband and I have 2 beautiful daughters. He had a vasectomy after the birth of my youngest daughter because I was told that because I was diabetic ...
My husband and I have 2 beautiful daughters. He had a vasectomy after the birth of my youngest daughter because I was told that because I was diabetic ...
Just as I thought we had all this poly stuff worked out we added a new dynamic to the mix.
My husband and I have 2 beautiful daughters. He had a vasectomy after the birth of my youngest daughter because I was told that because I was diabetic that it could endanger my life to have another child. This was an overreaction and not true but Sigel is a monster when it comes to my health. We have regretted that decision for years, as my Uncle assured us that the real problem with my second pregnancy was the fact that I only waited 9 months before getting pregnant again. My body was not healed nor strong enough to be healthy enough to try again. It takes up to 3 years for the body to be fully healed after childbirth!
Fast forward 11 years to a time where we are financially stable and now the longing for a child sets in for Sigel as well as for myself. We had settled our relationship and decided that an open relationship is the most satisfying way for us to go. We are firmly committed to being the best parents and people we can be for our children and it seemed to be unhealthy for us to pretend to be something we weren't...namely monogamous. Sneaking around and setting rigid boundaries just isn't our style, we are more happy discussing and adapting so we worked on presenting a ethical and responsible attitude to sex and love for our girls.
We met Arch and over a period of three years the relationship between Arch and myself grew deeper and more meaningful. It was obvious to Sigel that he was a good man and though younger than us by 14 years he just "fit". It wasn't as obvious to me! I was still trying to do the "right" thing by Arch since he was so young and hadn't ever experienced much of life...an attitude he very quickly took me to task for! He knew what he wanted and for a Catholic boy he made a startling decision to pursue me if it wouldn't cause problems in my marriage. He never wanted to be a home-wrecker besides which the love my husband and I have for each other makes him happy to witness and be part of. We grew closer and closer and through a series of visits back and forth we carved something unique and satisfying for all of us!
We had discussed children but never seriously and since I had always had trouble getting pregnant without help (we had to use a basal thermometer to conceive our first and our second was a hormonal fluke) we didn't worry much. Then it happened I got pregnant!
All through the nine months we were elated and apprehensive, would the baby be ok? How would this change our relationship? What living arrangements would we make? How would society treat our child and us?
Turns out that the hardest thing we have faced is some border guards who were complete assholes (Arch is Canadian and apparently they are beating down the doors to illegally emmigrate to the US!). We had a rough time while the two guys tried to work out their respective places in our son's life. Arch is his father, no question about that! He pays for his daily needs (diapers, formula, clothes ect.) and Sigel pays for his other needs such as shelter. Still he felt at a loss as to what he should be called or how he should explain his relationship to this child. Then we realized he is Michael's step-father!
The thing that amazes me is people accept this explanation without question and don't question that Michael's father is involved in his life but if we say simply that Arch is our partner and Michael's father then they begin to fear for Michael's future! It boggles the mind...the relationship is still the same but since Sigel is his step-father it's perfectly ok for Arch to be around! The fact that we have a loving and richly supportive three way relationship is sick and wrong but if I slept with Arch to simply get a child from him...that's fine and dandy! Oh and it's ok to occasionally sleep with Arch after the birth because...well that part wasn't explained to me actually, I blame it on the fatigue of having a newborn that I never asked for clarification.
Still this journey has been a wonderful one so far even with the separation and heartache of having to put Arch back on that blasted plane. It is our hope that he will be reunited with us very soon and legally to boot. I miss him terribly and I know even at only one month old Michael misses him as well, he looks for him every night when we talk on Skype.
Still for all the problems I wouldn't trade this experience for anything! I just hope that one day it won't be such a shock to people that we chose nonmonogamy. Then again I've been pagan for over 20 years and still people look at me and ask what a pagan is...
My husband and I have 2 beautiful daughters. He had a vasectomy after the birth of my youngest daughter because I was told that because I was diabetic that it could endanger my life to have another child. This was an overreaction and not true but Sigel is a monster when it comes to my health. We have regretted that decision for years, as my Uncle assured us that the real problem with my second pregnancy was the fact that I only waited 9 months before getting pregnant again. My body was not healed nor strong enough to be healthy enough to try again. It takes up to 3 years for the body to be fully healed after childbirth!
Fast forward 11 years to a time where we are financially stable and now the longing for a child sets in for Sigel as well as for myself. We had settled our relationship and decided that an open relationship is the most satisfying way for us to go. We are firmly committed to being the best parents and people we can be for our children and it seemed to be unhealthy for us to pretend to be something we weren't...namely monogamous. Sneaking around and setting rigid boundaries just isn't our style, we are more happy discussing and adapting so we worked on presenting a ethical and responsible attitude to sex and love for our girls.
We met Arch and over a period of three years the relationship between Arch and myself grew deeper and more meaningful. It was obvious to Sigel that he was a good man and though younger than us by 14 years he just "fit". It wasn't as obvious to me! I was still trying to do the "right" thing by Arch since he was so young and hadn't ever experienced much of life...an attitude he very quickly took me to task for! He knew what he wanted and for a Catholic boy he made a startling decision to pursue me if it wouldn't cause problems in my marriage. He never wanted to be a home-wrecker besides which the love my husband and I have for each other makes him happy to witness and be part of. We grew closer and closer and through a series of visits back and forth we carved something unique and satisfying for all of us!
We had discussed children but never seriously and since I had always had trouble getting pregnant without help (we had to use a basal thermometer to conceive our first and our second was a hormonal fluke) we didn't worry much. Then it happened I got pregnant!
All through the nine months we were elated and apprehensive, would the baby be ok? How would this change our relationship? What living arrangements would we make? How would society treat our child and us?
Turns out that the hardest thing we have faced is some border guards who were complete assholes (Arch is Canadian and apparently they are beating down the doors to illegally emmigrate to the US!). We had a rough time while the two guys tried to work out their respective places in our son's life. Arch is his father, no question about that! He pays for his daily needs (diapers, formula, clothes ect.) and Sigel pays for his other needs such as shelter. Still he felt at a loss as to what he should be called or how he should explain his relationship to this child. Then we realized he is Michael's step-father!
The thing that amazes me is people accept this explanation without question and don't question that Michael's father is involved in his life but if we say simply that Arch is our partner and Michael's father then they begin to fear for Michael's future! It boggles the mind...the relationship is still the same but since Sigel is his step-father it's perfectly ok for Arch to be around! The fact that we have a loving and richly supportive three way relationship is sick and wrong but if I slept with Arch to simply get a child from him...that's fine and dandy! Oh and it's ok to occasionally sleep with Arch after the birth because...well that part wasn't explained to me actually, I blame it on the fatigue of having a newborn that I never asked for clarification.
Still this journey has been a wonderful one so far even with the separation and heartache of having to put Arch back on that blasted plane. It is our hope that he will be reunited with us very soon and legally to boot. I miss him terribly and I know even at only one month old Michael misses him as well, he looks for him every night when we talk on Skype.
Still for all the problems I wouldn't trade this experience for anything! I just hope that one day it won't be such a shock to people that we chose nonmonogamy. Then again I've been pagan for over 20 years and still people look at me and ask what a pagan is...
03/20/2011
The reality is that modern families are complex enough that most Heathers have at least 2 mommies. Multiple adults living together are not uncommon. Kids who've parents have been divorced, remarried or are serial monogamists may have a string of "mommies" and "daddies". The more caring, compassionate role models and parents that children have the better.
Most of us have chosen family. Close friends that are designated uncles, aunts, grandparents, siblings.
Poly families don't look all that different from the outside.
Most of us have chosen family. Close friends that are designated uncles, aunts, grandparents, siblings.
Poly families don't look all that different from the outside.
03/23/2011
my best friends parents raised three children in a poly marriage, the third is not the bio child of the family dad but it makes no blasted difference. They are the sweetest family i know! Hell any parents that laugh when their sons friend makes the remark of 'wow kuri's got a nice butt in them pants' while watching a tape of a play and nobody cares but thinks its funny is a great family! The kids all know they can go to their parents with ANYTHING ANYTIME and they wont be judged. Same goes for all their friends. I STILL go to them whenever I have an issue and I've got two kids and I've been in a mono-relationship for over 3years. Poly kids are lucky I think, then again I grew up the rope in a game of tug-o-war between my parents....I'm rambling but the point is: anyone who tells you your kids are suffering for havin two dads stuff this up their arses: over HALF the kids in the states now EITHER DON'T KNOW THEIR FATHERS OR NEVER SEE THEM!!!
04/11/2011
Quote:
My girls have yet to meet a two parent household and they are 13 and 15. So ya I know it's a great thing we got going.
Originally posted by
kitsuneyouko5
my best friends parents raised three children in a poly marriage, the third is not the bio child of the family dad but it makes no blasted difference. They are the sweetest family i know! Hell any parents that laugh when their sons friend makes the
...
my best friends parents raised three children in a poly marriage, the third is not the bio child of the family dad but it makes no blasted difference. They are the sweetest family i know! Hell any parents that laugh when their sons friend makes the remark of 'wow kuri's got a nice butt in them pants' while watching a tape of a play and nobody cares but thinks its funny is a great family! The kids all know they can go to their parents with ANYTHING ANYTIME and they wont be judged. Same goes for all their friends. I STILL go to them whenever I have an issue and I've got two kids and I've been in a mono-relationship for over 3years. Poly kids are lucky I think, then again I grew up the rope in a game of tug-o-war between my parents....I'm rambling but the point is: anyone who tells you your kids are suffering for havin two dads stuff this up their arses: over HALF the kids in the states now EITHER DON'T KNOW THEIR FATHERS OR NEVER SEE THEM!!!
04/11/2011
Quote:
I've lived all over the place and met a ton of people but I've come across only a handful of two parent households. And 3/4 of them were not with both of the bio parents. Keep up whateva your doin mes ami! Ya'll got a great thing goin *points at other tab* your blog very enlightening.
Originally posted by
Airen Wolf
My girls have yet to meet a two parent household and they are 13 and 15. So ya I know it's a great thing we got going.
04/12/2011
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Total posts:
42
Unique posters: 20
Unique posters: 20