Question for all poly people

twoods89 twoods89
What do you think the best way to tell your SO that you are polyamorous?
05/24/2012
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Peggi Peggi
When I first met my hubby, that was one of the first things I told him about me. We were texting back and forth (because we met online) and I sorta just waited for a moment that seemed right, and just slipped it into our regular conversation.
05/24/2012
Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
Quote:
Originally posted by twoods89
What do you think the best way to tell your SO that you are polyamorous?
Absolutely the best way and time is before you have made a commitment...however that's not always an option! I wouldn't try to tell your partner that you are poly that can lead to all sorts of hurt feelings, and questions you really don't have an answer for. The really great thing you can do is read up on polyamory and what it takes to have a really strong poly relationship and work that into your current relationship first. Build your foundation for later! Get used to talking about everything and anything because you will need those skills for later. Also be prepared to hear that you have broken trust with your partner and that they are not prepared to accept your announcement. Can you live with a firm no? If not then break off the relationship and be honest when doing it. No is always a consideration and coercion doesn't work in the long run.
Yes could also be an option...how will you handle a relieved partner saying, "FINALLY!!! I have been waiting for you to say something?" Will you suddenly have those feelings like you don't know your partner? It's something to think about.

At any rate I would move slowly and start by discussing the poly lifestyle as though it was happening to someone else to take the pressure off. Ease into the discussion because lemme tell ya, "Hey I want to watch you sleep with other guys and I want to as well!" or "I think it's possible to love more than one person at a time and I want to explore that with you!" Is a shock and can really really cut deep into the trust you build as a couple. Unfortunately the assumption is still that each man will find the perfect woman for him and vice versa and that's all you will ever want and need. Challenging that belief can be horribly painful...but in some cases is totally worth it.
Most of all I advise being gentle with your partner and with yourself, this isn't an easy decision but it can be a freeing one.
05/24/2012
kendra30752 kendra30752
Quote:
Originally posted by twoods89
What do you think the best way to tell your SO that you are polyamorous?
Way before you decide to begin seeing them "seriously." Waaaaay before!
05/24/2012
Antipova Antipova
Before they become an SO, for me. If it's someone I already knew as a friend before starting to date, then they already know. If it's somebody I didn't know before, I try to suss out how they feel about past partners, to see if they have a continuous-love sort of personality or a more exclusive sort. That's just to sort of gauge success at if it'll even make sense to tell them---if they're very monogamy-minded, I won't even bother and won't see them again in a dating capacity.

I don't really know if I have any "tactic" or "best way," it just comes up naturally as part of who I am. I mean, all the normal first date stuff---did you grow up in a small town vs a large city, how have you made decisions to get where you are in life, what are your attitudes toward love and sex? It's all pretty ... I mean, central. You don't get to know me without knowing that I'm poly.
05/24/2012
twoods89 twoods89
Thanx for all the replies, we've been dating for a few months and I think its time to tell her before we take it any further
05/24/2012
Antipova Antipova
Quote:
Originally posted by twoods89
Thanx for all the replies, we've been dating for a few months and I think its time to tell her before we take it any further
All the best to you!
05/24/2012
Total posts: 7
Unique posters: 5